just shave already
i used to love hal sparks – first season queer as folk he was adorable and dorky. then he got whiny (and the show wasn’t exactly faring so well, either) so we quit watching. since then watching him absolutely anywhere is a trial. it’s a shame.
a few years back television without pity had a contest (a pixel challenge, for those of you familiar with twop) in which entrants were supposed to combine two tv shows a la photoshop and come up with an ad or something for a new show that would be greater than the sum of its parts. we had two favorites – “queer as smallville” and “so straight it hurts” (or at least that’s what i think it was called). the first, self-explanatory. the second was basically about two actors, hal sparks and kerr smith. both played gay men on tv and apparently both went to amazing, astonishing lengths to let the viewing public know that they were really the straightest men on earth. so to this day, whenever we see hal sparks doing anything, all i can think is, “man. so straight it hurts.”
vh1 is one of my favorite channels, and i love those strange little compilation comedy-esque things they do. i can spend days watching “i love some random decade” because they’re fun, they’re the tv equivalent of veggie chips from trader joe’s (open a bag, eat one. eat another. give the baby one. eat another. wrestle the baby for whatever is left in the bag.). but whenever hal sparks comes on, i just want to cringe! (stop it, michael. brian will never love you if you keep talking like that.) but i must be the only person on earth to feel this way because hal sparks is ubiquitous, omnipresent. with that damn foolish soul patch thing.
the other night we rather randomly found ourselves watching something on g4. (yeah.) it was a strange show where a three-person panel weighed in on the various merits of video game women. of course, it was hosted by hal sparks. total trainwreck. we couldn’t look away. (i personally was impressed by the jiggly verisimilitude. thank god for tivo because i made cam back up three times just to watch a little jiggle. “oh my lord, did you see that?”) i felt so embarrassed for him. he looked uncomfortable, he sounded like crap, his jokes were icky… i just couldn’t believe that this strange little man was once my beloved michael. so sad. such a waste.