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unreasonably emotional

the beginning of the month means the beginning of the mood.

my cycle has never been regular, especially not after paul was born. however, the last few months have been fairly standard. once i change the page on the calendar, the hackles rise faster, the tears fall easier and then after a week of grumpiness and discomfort, it's all over for the rest of the month. tonight i felt the whiny set in not long after we arrived home. i felt myself getting desperate when paul repeatedly rejected the monkey harness. i felt stressed when cam started sorting mail when we were supposed to go out. when we finally did go out, we just went to office depot to look at postcard paper, and i nearly bawled when paul decided (after rejecting food at home) he was too hungry to go to ross. cam handed me some french fries to blow on for paul, and i whimpered a bit because i got burned.

when we got home, paul wanted to run around and around with his little grocery cart, running into people and walls. he wanted to hide in the closet to crap. he wanted to brush his dad's teeth and not his own. he did not want to sleep. i wanted him to sleep. cam left to take out the trash, get dinner and gas. i tried to get a boy to sleep. he insisted he wanted to sleep in "our bed," so we got into bed. he said he wanted to listen to wiggles. he rolled around for a few minutes, then cried out for his "own bed, own bed," so we moved to the crib mattress on the floor. he got up and ran away. he came back and sat on me. he pointed at pikachu on the little inflatable bed next to his crib mattress.

paul: that one!
me: pikachu.
paul: that one!
me: pikachu.
paul: a-chu, a-chu, a-chu, A-CHU!
me: [contemplating hiding under the sheet]

he asked to go back to our bed, so we went back. he rolled around, stuck his fingers in my nose and asked for milk. he cried and tried to get off the bed. he asked to go back to his bed. by this point, i was about as angry with him as i had ever been. fine, i said, and we went down to his bed. i pretended to be asleep. he tried to pry my gums off my teeth with his sharp little claws. but then he rolled over and started to fall asleep. it got quiet. he wiggled a little. he made tiny sleepy sounds. i stopped being mad. eyes closed, he rolled back towards me and threw his arms around my neck. i breathed in his warm babyness and nearly started to cry. it's the mood, you know? it's the mood.



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