low foot clearance

i wish i had time to join a mommy’s group, too. as it is, the best i can do is some reading online about how other toddlers paul’s age are behaving. it’s not much, but it’s surprisingly useful (and a relief) to see that i’m not the only one with a child who hates x and y, loves z and m, etc. etc. etc. the group on the baby bargains message boards are great. i have more time to read than i do to post, so i occasionally feel guilty that i’m taking and not giving, but moms of all people should understand how hard it can be to juggle.

the dramas never cease around here. sometimes they are funny (like the ones paul perceives to be game-related: “game!” he shouts as he kicks me in the arm because he doesn’t want to put his pants back on after i change his diaper), sometimes they are heartbreaking (like the preference for daddy -- i totally sympathize on that one -- and the way he will stare straight ahead when we’re leaving in the morning if he’s awake because he knows we are leaving him).

toothbrushing is still an ordeal. it practically feels like abuse sometimes the way we have to restrain him just to clean his teeth. he loves sitting on his little stool in front of the sink and playing with the water and rinsing the toothpaste off the brush, but when it comes to actually putting the toothbrush in his mouth and really doing anything other than chewing on it... well, forget it.

bathtime in the sink is okay and shampooing his hair is fine, but rinsing it off causes screams. he used to love showers with mommy (been doing those since birth, practically) and now the tears start as soon as the water goes on.

we’re talking about potty training, so we recently bought him a potty. i put it in the bathroom so that he could get used to seeing it, but the first time i showed it to him in its new home, he whispered, “no, no” and that was the end of it. i just have to say the word “potty” to bring on a tantrum (or to be ignored).

going out can be difficult, too. he’ll only tolerate a cart or being carried for so long. he refused the stroller at all costs, so we’ve already packed ours away. putting on a jacket or shoes can cause fits and tears.

one day cam called me, totally miserable, from the car on the way home from his parents’ house (where paul had been spending the day). it had taken him an hour and half to get paul calm enough to take him home. an hour and a half earlier, paul had been fine with the idea, but as soon as he saw the car, he started screaming. he didn’t want to go into the backseat of the car, he didn’t want to go back inside the house. by the time they got home, paul was all smiles and cam was wiped out.

i think the worst situation right now would have to be bedtime. we didn’t have too much of a problem with that before, but now it’s torture. we’re transitioning him to his own bed and it’s not going too well. we tell him it’s bedtime and he sobs, “no! go away!” and tries to hide. then he starts calling out all the things he would rather be doing. “play trains. blue’s clues. read book. play. play!” we get him ready for bed and give him his choice of book. we can sometimes go through six or eight readings (sometimes of the same book) before he will even consent to close his eyes. the screaming seems like it will never stop. it’s exhausting. we don’t even need to talk about naptime. i think it’s just the whole process of going to sleep that upsets him.

see, you’re not alone. really. for me, it helps to think about positive or funny things:

• he eats vegetables like a champ. it does my heart good when he asks for “brockly” and soybeans.
• he lets me put his harness on -- i know that a lot of people hate these, but paul often wears a stuffed monkey backpack with a tail (got it at target) that i carry. he refused to wear it initially and is now only grudging about it, but going from hate to mild distaste was a huge jump. sometimes we forget to bring it with us when we go out and we suffer as a result.
• he has a great sense of humor
• he loves “blue’s clues” (i’ve become an addict)
• he talks all the time
• he has a favorite song (“it’s a small world”) and loves to sing his own version of it
• he can name a surprising amount of “thomas the tank engine” characters
• he finally figured out that my mother is not “mom”. oh my goodness, it was so upsetting (although no one else understood how upsetting) when paul called us both mom and would sometimes express a preference for my mother over me. i did a lot of “he doesn’t like me” moping. now i’m mommy and she’s gramma.

when people ask me about the terrible two’s, i admit that yes, paul is in the middle of them -- but it’s not that bad. of course i have to say it’s not that bad because in the scheme of things, tantrums are not that bad. i mean, he’s not out robbing liquor stores or beating up old ladies or failing all of his classes. BUT it is that bad. my formerly pliant and sweet-natured little boy is gone and replaced by a stubborn and challenging little monkey who is testing his boundaries and asserting his independence. where did my baby go?

one day we’ll all laugh about this, but i really do understand that it’s hard to be philosophical about this stage. it’s exasperating. it’s exhausting. it’s painful and hurtful and occasionally hateful. it’s hard to maintain a relaxed and fresh attitude when all you want to do is cry or scream, “please! why aren’t you listening to me?!” cam and i have our days where we sigh and wonder why we are even considering having another child.

anyway, enough ranting/venting/whatnot. just wanted to let you know that i hear you.