self-referential
how unbelievably startled i was to find this entry. not to be too much of a cliche, but i'm not really sure if i should laugh or cry.
aside from the long post about ME, there's a very interesting issue at hand here. by revealing to joel that i have a blog, i have outed myself as 1) still being alive, 2) potentially still being a tad sensitive about the past and 3) a blogger. until the moment i told him, i had only notified four people that i know personally about my site (two of those people being cam and my mother). letting him know means letting his crowd know (some of which happen to have known me in college when i was half of groel). it's a little surreal.
(i just have to mention that my laptop is on paul's back right now because he's sprawled across my lap. thank goodness i have a 12.1". regardless, i should probably be reported for using my child as a lapdesk.)
i debated for months whether or not i should tell him. (after all, he was the only person with unrestricted access to my old site. as i reread those old entries, i am shocked how much of that site i wouldn't have let cam read.) cam told me that if i ever felt that i'd have to start censoring myself if i knew someone would be reading my site, then i just shouldn't tell that person. i mulled that over for a long time. the end result? i didn't tell anyone i knew. frankly, i felt like it was still very shallow and so very ugly. i wasn't particularly proud of it.
finally i felt like my blog was substantial, despite the fact that it was still relatively new. i had tweaked the default layout, created a banner image i liked. i joined webrings. then when joel called me for my birthday, i felt like the time had come to finally just spit it out.
his reaction surprised me. definitely didn't expect my own entry. i'm still a bit startled. it feels like we are playing out a long-distance college reunion drama in movable type.