slump
i've been really avoiding myself in the mirror lately.
maybe i'll do a quick oh-my-god-check-out-those-monkey-brows-where-are-my-tweezers stint in the bathroom, but for the most part, right now it's all about the glance to make sure i don't have moisturizer globbed around my nose or something in my teeth or that my shirt isn't buttoned incorrectly. it's all about quickly fixable issues.
right now i don't have the fortitude or the willpower or whatever to focus on myself more clearly. my resolution to always be nicely dressed when going out has already fallen by the wayside. if i really wanted to do that, i think i would never leave home. luckily i haven't run into anyone i might be embarrassed to see.
cam made me spend some of my annual bonus money on some new clothes, and as much as i'm looking forward to having something nice to wear (some of my work stuff is starting to look worn from all the washing), part of me hopes none of it will fit so i can return it all and spend my money on more fun things -- like train stuff for paul or maybe new clothes for him instead of me.
i've been contemplating a haircut. my hair is about to the middle of my back again (slowly creeping back to the length it was when paul was born). i like my hair short, but i like it long, too, so i'm torn. my sister-in-law looks fab with shorter hair, but i don't. i turn to paul for the answer i think i want.
me: paul, should i cut my hair?
paul: no.
me: alrighty then.
he's not spitting up or hair-pulling, so i'm safe with long hair if i decide to keep it. when i hacked it off to chin-length, it was because i was tired of smelling sour milk in my hair from my wee spitter. cam thinks i should just cut it off again. "it'll grow back," he says. duh. that's no comfort. men. so prosaic.
i figure, as long as i look my age or reasonably close to it (either side of 30 is fine), then maybe i should just be content with my appearance. no one is mistaking me for my son's grandmother, so all's well, right?