indignities
dear "own bed,"
i am so sorry for what you suffered yesterday morning. yes, i know it was awful when the child lost an entire night's worth (and maybe more) of soy milk all over you. and i know it was most aggravating when said child then began to cry as if he were the one now covered in regurgitated soy milk. then of course there was the crowning insult: once i removed the waterproof cover to wash it, the child then deemed it time to return to you solely for the purpose of peeing on the now unprotected mattress. (damn those leaky diapers!)
this is why i risked my own bed last night to give you a break. please accept my apologies and assurances that such child-catastrophes won't happen again... tonight.
your friend,
paul's mom