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reputation

i've been talking to my assistant about what i've been calling the "summer of discontent" when i was A VERY BAD GIRL, indeed. (i briefly mentioned it here.) i'm not really sure why i've been talking about it -- i guess i'm just trying to get him over his view of me as this perfect mom/employee/person. look, i haven't always been super-mom, the calm and collected voice of experience. get over it. stop with the shocked looks already.

now, i'm not saying my skirts were an inch away from being belts. i'm not saying i was a step away from jerry springer-material. i'm just saying that i'm human and i did things that, okay, not everyone had to do, but i did things that people do. i shrug. i didn't reinvent the wheel. i never claimed to live a totally blameless life.

the summer of discontent took place during the final months of my engagement to joel. we were not particularly happy -- in fact, in retrospect, i'm surprised we stuck it out as long as we did. (sorry, dear, if your memory of this time is different.) i was dieting my ass off to look good for the wedding, and well, dammit, i thought i looked good. i had a friend in the area, so many drunken hours were spent with her and her friends. i also somehow hooked up with a guy i dated in high school. there was drama and i relished it because it was new and different and it kept my mind off the wreckage that was my relationship with joel.

to use a silly analogy -- if i were a cat, i bet i used about three lives that summer.

so i look back on that experience not with wistfulness or with loss, but with a certain sense of fondness. it was the summer i acted out and i managed to get away with minimal scars. minimal. i ruined a friendship i didn't really want, but it still stung a little. i badly upset a friend that had always been good to me (i stole a guy, sort of), but i guess these things happen when you're on the destructive path o' fun.

once cam and i got together, we continued along in that fashion, too. BUT we got over it. we outgrew it and moved on. that means i can talk about the past because it's not a secret -- it's just the past. it happened, it's over, i'm done.

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