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feelings of abandonment

paul is sick again. i spent the first half of the night in his room, then retreated to my own. a few minutes after i got into my bed, he started crying. when i got to his room, i found him sitting up and looking completely miserable.

paul: mommy!
me: i'm here.
paul: [crying] want to be carried.
me: [picking him up] you're shaking!
me: why are you shaking?
paul: because i thought you wouldn't come back.

after that, how could i leave? i spent the rest of the night in his room, curled up at his feet.

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