« can't take him anywhere | main | on the line »

somewhat intimidated

cam: wow, you have an archnemesis.
cam: congratulations.

it has come to my attention recently that someone really hates my guts. i knew she disliked me and has for years, but i had thought that perhaps time had mellowed the animosity so that she could at least function around me. as far as i knew, we had finally reached the point of civility and so that was that.

guess i was wrong. huh.

it's a very creepy thing to know that someone hates you enough that they are willing to blame you for things that are obviously in no way your fault -- indeed, even going so far as to blame you for things that haven't happened (can't even say "yet" because there's no way of knowing that these things ever will happen until, you know, they happen). if she had had some distant relatives on the hindenburg or the titanic, i guess it wouldn't surprise me to find out that she blamed me for that, too.

i don't care if she likes me. i don't. i have been on this freaking merry-go-round for too fucking long ("we had a conversation today! maybe she likes me now?") to care. i know i've been stewing about this, but it's not because my feelings are hurt -- rather, it's because i am just so utterly astonished by the sheer violence that she must have in her heart that she feels the need to vent to MY allies -- as if, by the mere expression of that violence, she could convert them to her side. but the thing is that i don't want sides. i just want to coexist. if not peacefully, then at least without overt ugliness.



powered by movable type 4.12