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counting time by minutes and seconds

um, let me clarify the whole "really long time" thing of the last post:

when was the decision made? a few days ago. but we've been debating the second child issue since the day paul was born -- and, honestly, there's something funny going on timewise because i suddenly feel five years older.

it embarrasses me a little bit that in all the time we've been wavering, people have had multiple children. both cousins with kids paul's age have already added additional little people to their brood. paul was beginning to be -- simultaneously -- too young and too old. i could see myself explaining to strangers one day, "yes, i know he's only ten and therefore a little young for merlot, but he's fluent in four languages and has been seeing a marvelous therapist since he was four." that would be the end of it. paul would wear a little tie and carry a mini tumi briefcase and we'd be a tiny family of workaholics.

but now that cam and i have made the decision to have another child, it's kind of amazing how relieved i am. i finally admitted to cam that as much as i didn't want to say, "i want a baby," i even more so didn't want to say, "that's it, no more babies for us." the idea of it, the finality of it, the enormity of it, was more than i could bear.



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