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IRL

my mom: we went back to my house to bake cookies.
my mom: and paul said that on the internet they said that the oats and sugar needed to be mixed by hand.
me: huh?
my mom: so i said, "this is not the internet, this is my house."
me: wait... by hand?
my mom: by hand.
my mom: he screamed, "don't interfere with me!"

my assistant: that is YOUR son.
me: [sighing] i know.

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