so cold
sometimes i'll just be sitting around -- or washing dishes -- or watching tv -- something mundane -- and i'll get a little choked up and it occurs to me that i'm so lonely i could cry. and then i do.
these sudden fits of the blues always baffle me. first i'd start to feel guilty for feeling so sad. i mean, i'm the antisocial one, the introverted one. i'm admittedly not so good about keeping in touch with people. clearly, i'm happiest by myself or with my immediate family. how dare i feel miserable? but i do, and i can't help it. then i start to think that because maybe i leave such a very small footprint on the world, nobody would notice if i wasn't there anymore.
but this is where things begin to smack so loudly of self-pity that i force myself out of it.
and then i go to bed.