i don't know where he gets this stuff
after paul nearly spilled frozen lemonade on the couch:
me: okay, i'll feed you.
me: poor couch, we've only had it a little while and it's already so abused.
paul: you know why the couch is abused?
paul: because it's obese.
me: what?
paul: see how wide it is?
paul: it's so wide!
i honestly had no idea how to respond to that. have i transferred my poor self image to the couch?