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savior: the return

i've been back at work for a few days now and the attention is driving me MAD.

i can deal with the omg-we-missed-you-so-much.

i can deal with the how's-the-baby-do-you-have-pictures-what-a-cutie-how-is-big-brother-doing. i can send pictures. i can chatter inanely on how i'd rather be home.

i'm not having the best time dealing with the hints and sometimes flat-out comments about how the firm needs me and goddamn-your-boys-were-failures. they did the best they could, okay? but what makes me me is not what makes them them, and it's not really fair to expect me-level service but not allow them me-level leniency. (i miss something, i'm just "so busy," they miss something, they're "not on the ball." growl.) this was not an experiment in job security. the firm did not come crashing down so it sounds like life, in the grand scheme of things, WORKED.

that said, i worried about my guys because i didn't think they fully understood how busy it was going to get and how much pressure they'd be under. i'm sad to say that i was right.

x: we got KILLED.
y: the first six weeks were the WORST six weeks i've ever had at a job.

they already know that they didn't do quite the job they should have done, all right? but cut them some slack -- they did what they could. so please don't greet me with "our savior is back!" or talk about the chaos that ruled the earth in my absence. a simple "welcome back" and "congrats to you and your family" will suffice. i don't need to feel guilty that i was gone so long or defensive that i didn't train my guys enough, or worse, that i sacrificed them to prove to the firm that i am irreplaceable.

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