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sibling rivalry

the kids, oh how they fight. nola usually wins with a swipe and a scream. paul falls back, pouting and whining. it's a little disturbing to realize that it can only get worse from here, but i can find comfort in the fact that it will not last. at least it won't if i can help it.

my brother and i fought like crazy when we were growing up. we argued over anything, everything. (my mother blamed me for the decline of that relationship.) we were legendary amongst the family for our inability to get along. it was so bad that at my own brother's FUNERAL my aunt asked me why i was sad. "you hated each other." never mind that we had pretty much eased up on the fighting for years by the time he died. never mind that he was MY brother and i was HIS sister and that DEATH had taken away a person i had known my entire life. he was GONE. is GONE. FOREVER.

pardon the caps. the rank stupidity of that comment never fails to rankle.

i like to think that my brother and i could have had a good adult relationship. it hurts that there isn't one. i think about people estranged from their siblings and i wonder, "how could they have let that happen? this is the only person who knows exactly what you went through. there is a lifetime, a wealth of shared experience wasted because of past strife." (not that i always think in such language.) nola and paul will one day be friends -- or just not enemies. that's all i ask.

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