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unpleasant truths

a few days ago, i was speaking to one of my employees about a slight revision to his schedule.

after he had made a few smartass comments about his coworkers, i mildly interjected, "i asked you a question. if the answer is no, that's fine. there's no need to badmouth the others."

him: i'm not badmouthing the others.
him: it's not badmouthing if it's true.
him: it may be unpleasant, but it's true.

yesterday i lost my temper and delivered some unpleasant truths to a friend. yep, i badmouthed a friend to himself. oy.

a little background:

for reasons that are not entirely clear (the reasons given to me are really conspiracy theory, so i am suspicious, but recently divulged history gives me more to work with than he realizes), a longtime work-friend has been looking for work since january. i understand that it is only april, but his job-hunting efforts have not exactly set the world on fire.

and for other reasons that are not entirely clear, i have allowed this friend to lean--heavily, extensively, overwhelmingly--on me. i have been his sole confidante. i revised his resume (multiple times) and cover letter. there have been countless emails, texts, instant messages since january. to complicate matters, he is in love with me. i have discouraged him as gently as possible, but the prolonged "secret" (to his family and friends--not secret to cam) confidences have probably given him the idea of a tighter bond than actually exists.

he has an interview on monday. i am delighted because i am exhausted. it's partially my fault for enabling this man, but surely he should carry some of the blame because he's a needy mess. it's sad how such a good working relationship and friendship has come down to me constantly thinking, "JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY. OKAY? OKAY."

well, on friday, i made the mistake of mentioning that my boss wants to hold a meeting with his old boss. that started a minor flood of self-righteous invective. since i have grown weary of his hatred of our firm, that started a tickle in my throat that i tried to swallow. then he started talking in an overconfident fashion about monday's interview (with one of our biggest competitors) and smugly pointed out that he had received a callback from another firm. i couldn't take it anymore. frustrated, i essentially told him that he hadn't been trying hard enough to do anything but come up with excuses. obviously i used more words than that.

him: [in disbelief] are you beating me up?
me: yes, because no one else will do it because you won't talk to ANYONE.

he left my office, and i ranted to cam via im.

two hours later, i almost repeated that rant to my friend verbatim--via text. at first he tried to blame me (he declared he wouldn't have said anything about the firm and his old boss if *i* hadn't brought it up), then he tried to solicit pity ("i guess i am not as strong as you may think"), and then finally he decided to agree and apologize.

cam told me to turn off the phone, but i left it on so i could listen to music.

this morning i received a conciliatory email thanking me for pointing out these issues and wishing me a good weekend. cam wanted to respond to it for me, but i declined his kind offer.

friend, i do wish you well, and i feel a little guilty for unloading on you in that fashion, but i do believe you needed to hear it. i'm sure you're not reading this because i never told you about this blog, but if you are, i have one last message for you:

grow a pair. PLEASE.

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