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another bad friend: ambivalence

the guy formerly known as work-bff and i have been restored to original levels of friendship. more or less. we chatter about inconsequentials, we natter about his upcoming nuptials and discuss what we're going to wear, we vent about work. we conduct ongoing conversations by email and instant message all day long. we're closely associated in enough office circles to make it totally appropriate for me to send out emails from our hivemind of two, and for him to send out emails actually signed "[him] & [me]."

but i don't trust it and i don't trust him the way i used to. when i feel like i'm veering dangerously beyond ranty/whiny to true despair, i back off and make cute. it's less... cathartic than i might like, but it's safer. i can live with that. it was hard living without him, even when i felt justified in wanting to pretend he didn't exist. but things have sort of slid back into place, so i'm just not willing to jeopardize that by wanting too much.

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