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honestly, you can't make this kind of thing up

two (three? they blend) weeks ago my mother told us this semi-incoherent story about ducks.

(okay, that's not fair. i probably just wasn't paying attention.)

apparently our neighbors had somehow convinced my mother to help out a local couple by taking in and raising TWO DUCKS. and i didn't really realize this until some old guy showed up and pulled the ugly american talk-loud-and-slow-to-foreigners bullshit on my mom while insisting she take care of these ducks that his wife just LOVED and would continue to LOVE and properly raise if they didn't live in an apartment. (when he said to her he hoped she could read english i should thank those angels from heaven that somehow magically flew down to HOLD ME BACK. GODDAMNED RACIST $@*%)%(*@$#^.)

anyway, we found ourselves in charge of two tiny chirpy stinky things who were so freaking cute that it almost made up for the fact that they were chirpy stinky things. nola named them after characters from "peep and the big wide world." i was leaning towards mordecai and rigby, but nobody cares what mommy wants.

now. there's some kind of wacky backstory about the ducks, but that's not that important. what's important is that this man and his wife live in the same town, a few streets away, and somehow failed to recognize that raccoons and possums roam the streets and that ducks were not necessarily better off with someone just because they have a backyard. also. am i weird that i find it bizarro world that he told her to release them at a nearby cemetery once they get big enough to survive on their own just because there is a nice pond there? who brings living things to a cemetery to live?

because i am fortunate enough to know a true animal lover at work with ties to a woman who owns a lovely ranch that she operates as a rescue facility for animals of all types, those ducks no longer live with us. they are now living at said lovely ranch at a fenced-off pond with various other ducks and similar swimming birds.

the children were mildly bummed, but really, we are entirely all too selfish to be responsible for such things, they were okay with the fact that mommy had to take the ducks away.

one day earlier this week, i brought the baby ducks to work with me in a hamster cage, and they spent the day in my office so that true animal lover could take them home with her.

at one point they chirped so loudly i almost dissolved into giggles during a phone call. (sorry, earnest dc associate, i was listening, honestly.)

they ran around my office and were so unbelievably cute i briefly wished they could stay there forever (but only at that size). i've been uninvolved in all things duck-related, but they kind of charmed the hell out of me, even though i had to refill their water bowl constantly and clean the cage more times than i expected. really, ducks, you have to step in the water bowl while you eat?

true animal lover's son was perplexed when she called him at home and asked him to fill up her grandson's kiddy pool. "wait. nobody cares you have BARNYARD animals at the office?"

it was not the most productive day at the office, but. DUCKS. really.

(this was quite possibly the most internet-style talk i've ever indulged in, but i'm still semi-speechless that this happened. ask me for the pics. it happened.)



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