June 13, 2015

after a long hiatus

i am back to say:

work still sucks, mostly.

my oldest is a youtuber.

i refuse growth hormone treatment for my youngest.

cam is still the very best man i know.

the children are still minecraft-obsessed... and cam and i play far too much restaurant story 2.

we just bought a ridiculous fixer upper that in no way resembles the mcm home of our dreams.

and... i think it might be time to start making use of the ten dollars i spend per month to keep this site running.

May 27, 2014

all of my role models are too young

i declared i was going to dye my hair purple and be cupquake for halloween (nola: you can't be a real person for halloween!), but cam decided we would be ghost of a saber tooth tiger instead.

bring on the thigh-highs and cutoffs! i've never been a model (even a singing one) for halloween before.


earlier this weekend (in the wee hours, of course), i succumbed to whatever stupidity is deep in my bones and i emailed the old boss.

he replied early sunday morning, but there was no subsequent response to my email of pleasantries (and stifled rage and pain).

"tell me," cam sighed, "what is it about him that you can't let go?"

what is it about the ex-boss that pushes SO many buttons? the fact we shared the same insanely stupid work ethic? dude made three times what i make, so he better have a crazy work ethic.

"you have to stop acting like a jilted girlfriend."

i forgive too easily. i am also willing to forget too easily. but i count him--illogically--as one of my greatest failures. i did everything he told me to do. i said everything he wanted me to say. we spoke the same language--admittedly, i was far less glib. so why did he do me like that?

"if that's one of your greatest failures, you haven't had very many," says cam disapprovingly.

as a child, i read far too many crap novels, not really caring so much about what i read as the fact that i was reading. my mother took away the sexybooks when i was nine when she realized i probably shouldn't be reading them, but eventually shrugged and gave up. my hotel-maintenance-man dad was good friends with the hotel maids, and everybody learned to give left-behind books to THAT guy, because "his kid likes to read."

so i wanted to believe that this quote floating in my head had a more noble parentage, but i realize now that it was from lace, which briefly obsessed me because i was used to phoebe cates as ingénue, not as painted harlot.

"But with ____, I remember, you threw yourself at him, threw yourself in front of him like a doormat with 'welcome' printed on it. So, as we say in France, he wiped his feet on you."

snap out of it, girlie. this behavior does you no justice.

May 25, 2014

i'm too old for the songs that resonate with me

i'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away
you shoot me down but i won't fall
i am titanium
you shoot me down but i won't fall
i am titanium
i am titanium
i am titanium

May 18, 2014

hair band

last night cam and i had a date night for the second saturday in a row. I KNOW. AMAZING.

a few weeks ago cam excitedly told me that his new favorite band (probably "favorite new band" would be more accurate but who knows) was going to be playing a show in la. i obligingly agreed to go, and he dashed off to buy tickets.

last week we saw morrissey and tom jones at the la sports arena. i am a casual morrissey fan, but cam is slightly more rabid, so when i saw the announcement, i asked him if he wanted to go. of course he wanted to go. and tom jones? weird and novel. so we went, and it was mildly perplexing. i really enjoyed the show at staples last year despite the fact that i only own "viva hate," so i expected this show to be more of the same. not entirely. the pre-show 60s music videos were the same. the slaughterhouse video accompanying "meat is murder" may or may not have been the same video shown the year before--i'm not sure i could tell because i averted my eyes for most of that. but there was a lack of familiarity with this setlist, which rather shamed me as i was surrounded by people who quite possibly had his entire catalog tattooed on their backs. i think--and i say this rather wryly--i probably knew as many morrissey songs as i knew tom jones songs, and i grew up with a pro-engelbert humperdinck household, and never the twain shall meet.

but the biggest issue is that the la sports arena is the most bootleg venue i have ever seen. for the love of random deities, people. the seats were too small and too close together. the seat directly in front of me may have been held together with duct tape. poor beer selection. forced separation of men and women at the entrance because "we can't search women" (don't even get me started on the pisspoor search techniques that were not exactly search techniques.) the free and easy use of e-cigs were annoying enough, but when i suddenly found myself in a cloud of pot smoke, i just... sighed. i did like the painting of nixon next to a concession stand, though. and i had great amusement about the people selling sausages and hot dogs outside the arena. don't buy those things, people, you know how cute they once were.

i did not have high hopes about last night's show. for one thing, the ghost of a saber tooth tiger is cam's band, not mine--14-year-old girl fantasies about a 13-year-old sean lennon notwithstanding--and while their music is enjoyable i don't see it as singable and the older i get the more important that becomes to me. (i suddenly had a flashback to my grandmother telling me she enjoyed country music because country singers sing slowly enough that she could understand. oy.) ethereal psychedelic retro rock is not quite my thing. cam joked in the car, "is this going to be another show that's just too deep for us?" another--and i am starting to understand where i am going with this--the el rey is standing room only. i feared a show far too deep for my shallow and rapidly graying head, as well as one uncomfortable for my short and rapidly decaying bones.

(pre-show dinner was awesome. pre-morrissey, we appropriately had vegan sushi at our favorite vegan sushi spot downtown. pre-goastt, we went to cantor's, an old favorite. i intended to get the marilyn monroe (grilled swiss and tomato with potato chips). cam wanted a danny thomas #2 (giant pile of bologna). we both ended up getting the avocado melt, and it was just as good as we remembered. there was beer (guinness for me, hefeweizen for him). there was an angelyne sighting.)

but the el rey was cool and intimate and not terribly crowded. they had guinness, albeit in cans. (the number of children in the audience was a little weird. people, all ages or not, this thing started at 9. my kids are in bed by 9, if not necessarily asleep.) the crowd--minus the children--was "twenty years older than i expected," said cam. we stood near the front in a little elevated area, right behind a mother and 8-year-old daughter in a light-up fedora and not one but two guys who resembled george r.r. martin (one in a newsboy cap, the other in a beret). the opening act, fever the ghost, seemed to sing in tongues while drowning us in a strangely fascinating swirl of music. not my thing, but strangely, strangely enticing.

i geeked out in the bathroom when i saw a sign that hugh laurie was playing the el rey at the beginning of june. i texted cam as i waited in line:
OMG Hugh Laurie is playing here June 2
fry and laurie!
also. three stalls.

after a rather cringeworthy intro by a man and woman in gold bodysuits with poles and streamers and a woman in black robes saying random things and far too many fucks for this to be an all ages show, the goastt and their backing band showed up on stage.

and i fell in love. BADASS.

i texted a friend post-show:
I understand now that I am conditioned to find bearded hapa men with longish hair unutterably attractive.

as we walked back to the car, cam mused that if he didn't cut his hair by halloween, he'd just get a hat like sean's.
me: oh, okay.
me: if people don't recognize you, just say you're slash.
me: [pause]
me: um, don't cut your hair.
cam: [laughter]
cam: my wife has sean lennon fantasies.
me: not in twenty-five years.
me: okay, that sounds weird.

seriously though, sean lennon and charlotte kemp muhl can rock. one of the best live shows i've ever seen. who knew?

May 1, 2014


cam introduced me to scott bradlee & postmodern jukebox the other day, which he discovered via a kotaku post featuring the pokemon theme song as "an r&b slow jam" (mmm, no).

it wasn't exactly love at first sight, but some of those covers just dig their way into your head and you find yourself marveling that something that normally sounds like this can suddenly sound like THAT. for the love of all that is holy, how i could find myself thinking, "yes. yes. i must listen to 'timber' and 'we can't stop'"? but "translated" into doo wop, those songs are actually listenable.

plus the 60s girl group version of ellie goulding's "burn" is fabulous.

and i would buy an album of puddles' lorde covers. i would also pay for another copy for cam.

April 30, 2014


just realized i never mentioned my deep and twisted love of almost human. i have a drn cellphone case, for chrissakes. i have read an embarrassing amount of the 633 works currently listed on archive of our own in the almost human fandom. i told my mentor--in front of my entire department--that i would like santa to bring me karl urban for christmas, but i suspected cam might object.

so, so, so sad that fox didn't pick them up for a second season. some of the episodes were distinctly meh, but the chemistry (and moments in the car) between dorian and kennex warmed my slashy heart.


"almost lover" by a fine frenzy is the saddest song ever.


for like 25 minutes in 2014. or maybe three weeks.

(but not the jasmine thompson version because i hear it and think, "child, you shouldn't be talking about lovers, almost or otherwise. and you're not even old enough to drive so that one line becomes rather comical.")

April 21, 2014

girl crush

cupquake is too cute. i want purple hair and mad gaming/baking abilities.

April 20, 2014

a question that has NEVER been asked before

should i sell my one direction tickets and go see passenger instead?


i know i provided a somewhat weird combo of station seeds, but pandora, you must have some crazy algorithms. that said, i listen to my "mellow singiness" station ALL THE TIME.

i like barenaked ladies, but i can only stand so many versions of "if i had a $1,000,000." do you not have rights to play anything else?

my horizons are not broadened by multiple versions of "sail" (awolnation). blame it on my a.d.d., baby.

too much coldplay. not enough modest mouse or the killers.

snow patrol's "you could be happy" is quite possibly one of the worst songs i have ever heard.

didn't know jack johnson had a sound-alike protege.

songs i hear far too often:
"we are going to be friends" (white stripes--live and studio, at least)
"somewhere over the rainbow" mashups (israel kamakawiwoʻole, straight no chaser)
"hallelujah" (love this song, but... three jeff buckley versions, followed by two k.d. lang versions, plus jason castro (i remember this kid from american idol, i think) and kate voegele (meh))
"skinny love" (multiple birdy versions)

pleasantly listenable surprises:
a fine frenzy
bon iver
florence and the machine
ingrid michaelson ("open me up and you will see/i'm a gallery of broken hearts")
"gravity" by sara bareilles (love sara, but didn't care for this song at first)
michael buble's version of "at this moment"
the script--and also the straight no chaser version of "the man who can't be moved"

i didn't realize my musical tastes boiled down to "songs you might find on a cw/wb show soundtrack." what am i, 14?

April 5, 2014


after much more angst than the situation deserved, i got in touch with my old boss.

was on the phone with a friend who relocated from my office to his office. i asked, casually... how's life without x?

i expected vitriol. i expected bitterness. what i didn't expect was a heavy sigh and a slide into mildly confessional, mildly wistful, mildly rueful girl talk. i thanked her and nearly cried. "it's nice to talk to someone who misses him."

and when i mentioned this to the work-bff, i didn't expect (although this was my foolishness, certainly) bitterness, but that's what i got. and why it still hurt, i couldn't tell you.

so... after a brief fit of tears, i pulled up his new firm's site, grabbed his email address and sent him a short email. he wrote back within 20 minutes. we traded a few more emails that night.

cam laughed when i told him about it. called me an ex-girlfriend.

i prefer work-widow, thank you very much.

March 25, 2014

just no

i refuse to read first-person fanfic.

oh mumford

it seems that all my bridges have been burned
but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works.

March 16, 2014

the cold never bothered me anyway

even if i didn't have so much shit going on in my life, i've heard "let it go" so many times over the past few months i could be forgiven for thinking it my theme song.

January 21, 2014

housekeeping in the pnw

a little embarrassed how much time i've spent moving household items around in "gone home." but somebody's got to clean that house after sam and mom and dad left such a mess...

January 10, 2014


ahem. substitute "kinks" for "quirks." i appear to be in a second adolescence. better than a midlife crisis, i suppose.

January 9, 2014


cam just bought me my very own copy of dramatical murder. I COULD DIE. or i might dance. either way, yay. what did i do to deserve a man so tolerant of my... quirks?

November 20, 2013

copy that

i thank tumblr for showing me the goodness that is karl urban.

am enjoying almost human a great deal. saw giant ads all around the parking garage at la live the other day (cam and i went to archer live) and thought, "yes. yes, we should watch that."

reminded me of a moment a half dozen years ago when i thought, "huh, that hot guest star guy (ivers?) from crossing jordan has a new show; we should check that out."

i am easily swayed by a pretty face. and if there are some nicely mobile eyebrows in the mix, SO MUCH THE BETTER.

(indulgent cam: it's so funny when you get obsessed with an actor.)

September 21, 2013

copies, part two

i also would be unaware of how many truly crappy songs were performed by american boy bands. funny how much i've blocked out of the late 90s.

i sense a theme

me: [to cam] i'm going to get "where were you on thursday night?" tattooed around my wrist!

me: [scrolling through tv listings]
nola: that says bad ink.
paul: instead of bad ink, is there good graphite?
me: you do know that when they say "ink," they generally mean tattoos?

me: look what i have!
me: tattoo paper!
paul: you're creeping me out.

September 18, 2013


if it wasn't for pandora, i would have NO idea how many crappy american songs had been covered by boy bands from other countries.

September 14, 2013


nola is watching cam play shenmue. we've explained to her that this is the source of her and her brother's middle names, so she refers to ryo as paul. (much to paul's annoyance.) she doesn't like megumi's dress.

she is very seriously talking about the game.

nola: "why does everyone know paul?"

August 2, 2013


i think about this blog frequently, but rather than turn to it in downtime, i shop for a new house.

nothing personal, lfc, but... i want a new house.

a few months ago cam and i came across a house that immediately piqued our interest. so much that cam called and asked to see it (we NEVER do that... waiting for open houses is always enough for us because we've never been interested enough to sell our house).

it had so many things going for it. the bedrooms were small and the whole house needed work, but it was architecturally what we had been longing for but didn't expect to find in our area, closer to cam's parents than we are now (down the street from the kids' school), big lovely yard with big pretty pool.

we dithered
we chatted with the realtor
we came back to see the house a thousand times
we introduced the house to the kids
cam talked to mortgage lenders
we started putting stuff in storage to get an idea of what our house looked like without toys all over the place
then the realtor said a few things about the sellers that scared us
we started to get a weird feeling about the realtor
we put things on hold
we couldn't forget the house
i dreamed of house colors and new furniture
we called a realtor
the realtor freaked us out with her zealotry
we made an appointment with a house-staging company
someone made an offer on *our* house, one we couldn't beat
we sent the stager and the realtor away
we checked the house online obsessively to look for the red "pending" banner
i sniffled
we checked the house online regularly to see if it fell out of escrow
we went through the seven stages of grief
escrow closed
we shrugged

check out my stream-of-consciousness prose!

for a while i felt stupidly despondent because i was finally able to LOUDLY voice my issues with our house, and here we were, stuck in it. i couldn't see living there anymore and was continually frustrated because nothing of interest was showing up on the market. one night i said as much to cam, and his disbelief and disgust with my attitude folded me in on myself. such is life.

two good things came out of the experience: 1) we got our house cleaned (yay!), and 2) i found out that apparently i could qualify--all by myself--with the debt of a family of four--with my lone income--for the loan we needed. it would be tight, but i could do it, and i would need to do it if we were to proceed because of cam's employment history (not enough time with current company as independent contractor). go me.

i continued to look for houses, but eventually i kind of shrugged and stopped checking so obsessively... because we went to hawaii for the BEST WEDDING EVER.

more on that later.

March 14, 2013

call me maybe

oh boyce avenue, not every song works as an acoustic cover. but god love you, so many do.

March 8, 2013

contemplating a theme song

standing where i am now, standing up at all
i was used to feeling like i was never gonna see myself at the finish line
hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all
i was used to seeing no future in my sight line

sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me
send all those villains after me

i'm not their hero
but that doesn't mean that i wasn't brave
i never walked the party line
doesn't mean that i was never afraid
i'm not your hero
but that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

feeling like i am now lighting up the hall
i was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart
learning all i know now, losing all i did
i never used to feel like i'd be standing so far ahead

sometimes it feels what i recovered you lost
sending your peaceful loss to me

i'm not their hero
but that doesn't mean that i wasn't brave
i never walked the party line
doesn't mean that i was never afraid
i'm not your hero
but that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

sometimes it feels like the side that i'm on
plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
sometimes it feels like i'm all that they've got
it's so hard to know i'm not what they want

sometimes it feels like the side that i'm on
plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
sometimes it feels like i'm all that they've got
it's so hard to know i'm not what they want

i'm not their hero
but that doesn't mean that i wasn't brave
i never walked the party line
doesn't mean that i was never afraid
i'm not your hero
but that doesn't mean we're not one and the same
i do my best to walk the finest line
'til i've had all that i can take

"i'm not your hero" (tegan and sara)

February 9, 2013


my children are SO obsessive. they are world class. i can't remember the last time i had a conversation with paul that didn't reference minecraft. nola's fondness for a little girl in her preschool verges on single white female.

quelle surprise.


in the past few months, i've spent much time on tumblr, rewatched bits and pieces of bbc sherlock, watched the robert downey jr. sherlock movies, read millions of words of sherlock fanfic, reread a few original arthur conan doyle sherlock stories, read e.m. forster's maurice because rupert graves was in a film adaptation in the 80s, started watching "a bit of fry and laurie" because reasons (don't ask). you should see my desktop wallpaper at work.

cam is indulgent and amused, and thank god for that.

January 30, 2013

i stopped speaking english today

i love my johnlock, mystrade, johncroft, johnstrade (john is just lovely, lestrade is just tasty). i am fascinated by omegaverse. (i try very hard to not think about the logistics of mpreg.) i occasionally partake in bondlock, vamplock, d/s (love john's dom voice... i've been practicing in my head), bdsm (i can't keep the knots straight in my head). once in a great while i might read some parentlock. haven't read any superwholock because i know i just don't understand.

i refuse to read winglock and fawnlock. because i just can't. can't.

perplexed by catlock, but at least catlock is cute.

smauglock? oh, my dear bagginses.

November 11, 2012

must keep her off tumblr

when she watches her one direction concert video, WHY IS NOLA SO OBSESSED WITH THE BOYS CHANGING THEIR CLOTHES?


LOVE that people are freaking out about martin freeman knowing about the red pants.

if you don't already know what that means, well, you probably don't want to know.

i wonder... how long does it take a celebrity to get tired of googling himself/herself? because i'd be all over that shit. okay, well, maybe i'd pay somebody to be all over that shit.

(does benedict cumberbatch know about the bee pants?)

the littlest barkeep

paul: mommy?
paul: can i show you my bar?
me: [not looking up] sure.
paul: [brings up minecraft on laptop] here.
paul: see my little barstools?
paul: i made four of them.
me: [looking up, raising eyebrow] um.
me: child, explain to me--why do you have a bar?
paul: [making sour face]

apparently this bar serves glistering melon, milk and potions of slowness. i asked if he sold portions of crazy walking, but he said no.

minecraft is a very strange game. the amount of time and imaginative power people devote to it (and by "people," i also mean us) is truly staggering.

October 28, 2012


at a school book fair this past week, my son bought me a puffin classics (the children's imprint of penguin! how cute is that?) book--the extraordinary cases of sherlock holmes.

it's a good thing he doesn't know my current interest in sherlock is less deduction, more homoeroticism.

October 3, 2012


also obsessing a bit over mumford & sons. banjo!

September 30, 2012

why did no one tell me?

i just discovered amy butler RUGS. loved the fabric forever, had no idea she made rugs. so pretty!

(ed. after posting, i suddenly felt the need to point out that i did know about the wallpaper. been fond of graham & brown wallpapers for years.)

September 23, 2012


currently obsessing on "too close" by alex clare. LOVE. (even though it sounds a lot like maroon 5's "harder to breathe.") based on previous musical obsessions, i could say i suspect that i'm drawn to blue-eyed soul, but i think in this case i just fell for the odd mix of newsboy cap and full beard.

disappointing but not altogether surprising

so bummed for the boys and the cast and crew of sherlock. stupid emmy voters.

August 26, 2012

this is probably more suited for tumblr

am pretending that the childrens' cries of "minecraft, minecraft!" are actually "mycroft, mycroft!"

a girl can dream. sigh.

August 25, 2012

cheating heart

i have a tumblr now. but i won't write much over there, promise.

August 20, 2012

ships ahoy

just once i have to say this:

OMG!! I AM BUT A $#*%&(%&@(^% PUDDLE OF FEELS.

god, i was embarrassed just typing that. but yet i feel much lighter...

August 12, 2012

now people are definitely going to talk

damn bbc one for confining the awesome loveliness of sherlock to such a bizarre (to my american mind) schedule as a THREE-EPISODE SEASON. gah. has anyone made a "don't be dead" t-shirt? because i would wear that shit every day under my biz-cas wear.

i would.

June 11, 2012

teenage dream

god help me, katy perry's music is much more palatable to me than it should be.

September 23, 2011


i wasn't as invested in the target for missoni thing as APPARENTLY LOTS OF PEOPLE WERE, but i was looking forward to it.

on the day of launch, the target site was down almost the whole time i was at work. not that i was actually looking at it all day, mind you, but it was down every time i checked.

disappointed in person by, um, no stock, and juniors' clothing hanging on the missoni racks at my local target, i went home and ordered two ponchos--one 4T and one XL girls. they looked cute online, they were still in stock, and i was feeling a little... peeved.

then i got not one, but two delayed shipment notices.

immediately followed by a shipment notice. wha?

the ponchos arrived yesterday.

they are lovely. while overpriced (the same price for toddler AND girls?), they are on-trend in a variety of ways and they certainly feel nicely made. nola refuses to try hers on, much to my sadness, but i guess i've tried mine on enough for the both of us.

now to figure out what to pair it with for work...

April 30, 2011

i hate people

ducky momo is a current obsession in our house.


the straight perm is one of the greatest things i've ever done for myself. it's kind of crazy, but i feel so much more confident knowing that my hair is not a ridiculous pile of frizz. i stand straighter, i swagger more, i pay more attention to my face and skin... i'm creating a monster.

August 21, 2010


generally speaking, fans are irritating.

i'm sure that lots of people would disagree with me, but i firmly believe that crowded house fans are among the most annoying people in the world.

this is due in large part to the sheer longevity of the finns. when you have a musical legacy spanning multiple decades, you are bound to have fans with multiple-decade-spanning fandom. those fans show up at concerts and talk incessantly about the last show... or that amazing show back in the 80s or the farewell tour or the show where neil wore that shirt or had that haircut or when they sang that song and omg, where were you when you heard that paul died? by the way, did you know that he was really short? oh, and the new guy, matt, well, i waited for hours to get his autograph and he came out the back door with these two girls wearing dresses that were THAT short and he just had this big happy shit-eating grin and you could totally hear him saying, "i'm with the band!"

ahem. one-upmanship is alive and well.

cam and i went to see crowded house at club nokia last night, and it was a great show. musically. the fans i could have done without.

August 7, 2010

not so much

the other day my assistant (on his day off) came to visit us with wife and new baby in tow.

i so very much want to like his wife because i love him to death, but she lost me when she declared that blue's clues had "two steves."


August 3, 2010

staged antics

sunday nola and i went to see the wiggles. nola's first concert!

first, let me just say that universal studios' rerouting of gibson amphitheater's entrance from over by the theme park to somewhere in the middle of citywalk is just plain ass. i hope it's a temporary move. if it's not a temporary move, then please fix it so it doesn't look like we didn't pay some ungodly amount for tickets and we're just trying to sneak in by the side. the people selling souvenirs from SHOPPING CARTS was a nice touch. who would have guessed that a little dorothy the dinosaur would cost $12 from a homeless person? and having to stop the line so that trucks could drive through the middle? priceless.

so. we ran/hopped/trotted from the end of citywalk to the middle of it (me in 4" cork wedges, carrying a baby and a diaper bag) and hit the correct line with about 3 minutes to spare. the young woman at the gate had a malfunctioning ticket scanner, so getting actually checked in took a while. once we got into the venue (great seats, by the way), everything calmed down, and luckily we still had about 10-15 minutes before the show started.

things did not start out well. when the ringmaster came out to warm up the crowd, nola just looked blankly at him. when he got the group to start clapping, she started to cry! she used my hands to cover her ears.

it was going to be a long afternoon, i thought to myself, remembering my last wiggles concert experience.

but once the wiggles showed up, she sat up straight, moved my hands aside and STARED. she STARED throughout the whole show, mesmerized. it was tv come to life! other kids sang and danced and clapped (behind me, an overzealous filipino dad was whipping his little boy into a frenzy. "look, it's dorothy! look, it's captain feathersword! look, jeff! play your guitar, dennis, play your guitar!"), but nola simply stared.

i looked around and was amused to see other tiny tots (too tiny to dance? too tiny to want to?) had that same intense stare action going on.

it was a good show. they were high-energy but not too high-energy, they mixed old and new songs, they tossed in a few more grown-up comments to keep the parents amused. i was amazed at anthony's upper-body strength. no wonder someone carried a sign that read "anthony, my mom likes to watch you."

because we had such good seats, almost all of them ran by us at one point or another. i didn't think to bring a real camera, unfortunately.

the only thing that i thought brought the show down, and i know this is a big part of all of their stage shows, is the running around and picking up of roses and bones, and the reading of the signs (and the inevitable photo opps). i know this is a tradition, but it takes forever.

nola said hardly a word during the show, but that changed after it ended. "wiggles," she said, wiggling her hands. i bought her a purple t-shirt, and she insisted on wearing it right away. "purple! wiggles!" with her oversized purple shirt and paul's old reversible hat (wiggles live! patch on the plain denim side, green wth yellow dots on the other), she was quite a sight. when we met up with cam and paul (they went to the movies), she announced, "wiggles!" to them as if they couldn't tell.

i'm glad we went. not sure what her next concert experience will be, but i hope it's as positive overall as this one was.

June 19, 2010

dream deferred

i suspect i have found the perfect black satchel, but it's so prohibitively expensive that i feel sick at the notion of buying it. i can spend a grand on a bag for my mom, but myself? i think not.

June 5, 2010

introspection and appearance

i have poor self-image combined with a lack of initiative and an ever-slowing metabolism, and just enough self-awareness to have a notion that my standards of beauty or whatever are not entirely realistic.

....which means that i think i'm getting fatter and uglier (but am somehow unable to do anything about it), and yet i can still see that the reasonably attractive people i know in real life are not all that far off from me.

so be it. i will never fit into a pxxs. i will never wear a 00p or even a 0p. even though, as people on fashion forums so knowledgeably hold forth, you HAVE to be on the tiny side if you're short, it just won't happen for me. so no more blogs expounding the wonders of "petite-worthy" teeny tiny clothes, no more "quick, there's only one more size xxxs, you better grab it" entreaties, no more "wow, this size 4 fits like a 0, so awesome... i've never worn something as big as 4 before" -- i'm making myself feel bad for the sake of feeling bad. i don't have time for this.

May 24, 2010


i've been obsessed with the idea of bareminerals makeup, but i'm too chickenshit to buy any (fear of wrong color) and too chickenshit to go to a store to ask someone what color i should buy. (we went to sephora and i had a panic attack. really.)

i got a sample of some clinique anti-redness powder from sephora, and i thought maybe i could deal with them instead for mineral powders because i don't find clinique intimidating.

but this morning i tried the sample and realized that i utterly resented using yellow powder on my yellow skin. i think i'll have to suck it up and buy some bareminerals.

May 21, 2010


went to see glee live! last night.

while in line to get inside, i started to feel really self-conscious and dorky.

once seated, the dork transformation was halted by grown-up irritation with the valley girls behind me. "OH MY GOD, I need to go shopping for my halloween costumes like right now. i'm going to be Quinn and hit me baby one more time britney spears. it's going to be SO 90s!"

they were showing quotes on the screens from glee before the show, and the valley girls behind me did not know how to read silently.

the opening act, a self-important dance crew, were actually pretty cute and entertaining. "OMG, is that the asian guy from glee or is that just some other asian guy?"

The show itself was so much fun. quinn was not in padding. and i don't know why i was so surprised, but they looked exactly the same on the stage and on the screens as they do on tv, just sweatier! (cam thought they looked older, too.) vocal adrenaline (nameless dancers) performed rehab and mercy to give the main folks a chance to rest and change.

closed with true colors and somebody to love. pyrotechnics and confetti! i whispered to cam that it was like american idol. he smiled, but i wonder if he realized i meant the very first american idol and how everything was just leading to a moment like this.

March 6, 2010


i finished the main plot of endless ocean 2 today. good lord, what a sloth i was today.

January 29, 2010

tiny love

was telling the guys how i saw a new special on primordial dwarves on sunday night.

me: ___ is one of the older ones, she's in college. ___ is her brother.
me: ___ is in her 40s, i think?
me: um, i love primordial dwarves.
x: clearly -- you know all their names.
me: [outraged] i don't know ALL their names.
me: but i've seen a lot of the documentaries...

December 16, 2009

sweet drinks

my holiday season is just not complete until i've had at least a quart or two or ten of silk nog. (silk pumpkin spice is pretty good, too.)

November 28, 2009


discovered skinny vs curvy last night and have been moderately obsessed with it. (i've been trying to find a celebrity i could point to and say, "i like what she's wearing, and more importantly, since she is short/short-waisted/a little thick/etc., i know that outfit would suit me as well," so celebrity pictures are interesting to me.) but since i've worked for a law firm for almost all of my adult life, i keep thinking "skinny v scurvy" -- which, ultimately, i think would be an more interesting site.

November 26, 2009

mam with strap

almost spent $325 at a rebecca minkoff online sample sale, but i came to my senses.

September 12, 2009

snack straws

our snack of choice right now is world gourmet lightly salted garden veggie straws. a few weeks ago my mom got half a bag from costco (her friend wanted to buy some, but didn't want the whole bag) and the kids tore through about a quarter of it very quickly. then i put the bag up high on a shelf because i didn't want them to finish it right away and forgot about it. about a week ago i found it again, and decided to bring the remainder with us on our marathon saturday last week.

it kept the children happy for longer than expected. it's a snack! it's a toy! (blowing through the straws amuses them more than it should.)

my mom went to costco last night and brought us a full bag of our own. even though it's only been about two hours since breakfast, the kids are nibbling. (i am, too.) there are worse things.

April 4, 2009


sometimes i get, if not obsessed with, then heavily intrigued by, certain competitive-type reality tv shows. right now it's "make me a supermodel." i watched the first season and liked it, but then didn't think much about it. (still -- yay, holly!) when the second season started, i was all, oh hey, that show! didn't even realize i missed it. but i don't watch for the drama, i watch for the pretty -- so all the wah-wah-wah-shit gets fast-forwarded and in the end, the show takes less than half an hour to watch. then i read the weecaps on twop and i feel like an official viewer of the show. awesomeness. without twop, i'd have no idea that salome talks about her mennonite upbringing all the time, that colin is obsessed with his virginity, that amanda is astonished by gabe's attraction because she's a single mom, and that jordan can't shut up about how much she hates amanda.

cj's attitude, well, you can see that even in fast-forward.

i would be happy with most of these people if they won, but i especially like kerryn and jonathan.

September 21, 2008


have very recently become enamored with facebook. (no, i will not link to my profile.) i joined about a year ago, but deactivated my account right away. something made me think about facebook at work the other day, and the next thing i knew, i had reactivated my account and was cheerfully meandering through menus and searches. i had scoffed when a friend had told me that facebook was addictive -- but really, thinking back on all the time i spent on classmates, friendster and myspace back in the day, why did i doubt him?

September 13, 2008

midcentury mod

we recently replaced an old towel bar in our bathroom with an eames hang-it-all. this makes me FAR happier than any old hook rack should

August 21, 2008

south pacific

it feels like i have been playing "endless ocean" for longer than it would take someone to swim the length of the pacific. point, click, shake. point, click, shake.

August 16, 2008

aimless diving

have been playing "endless ocean" on the wii. because paul has been so captivated by sea creatures, i thought it would be a good game for him. ("game" is loosely used here.) well, it's lazier than solitaire and almost as addictive. i complain about it (the whole diving-guide thing is silly), but i sit here like a zombie, swimming, swimming, swimming. must pet MORE AND MORE animals to convince them to tell me their names...

June 28, 2008

don't forget to say goodbye

this is so unreasonably amusing -- much funnier than it should be.

March 15, 2008

earth, wind & flour

the name makes me cringe, but i'd eat there all the time if i could.

February 17, 2008


"center stage" was on tv on saturday. oh, how i love that ridiculous movie. and i love susan may pratt, even though she was enough of a bridezilla to kill a guy with peanut butter on csi.

maureen: i am the best goddamn dancer in the american ballet academy. who the hell are you? nobody.

cooper's ballet in the student workshop is just a thing of such farce, i love it. the motorcycle, the simulated sex scene, the tug-o-war, the female empowerment dance set to the music of jamiroquai (i think)... how can you not love it?

paul: what's this?
me: just let me finish their dance.
paul: okay, are they finished?
me: yes.
paul: is the movie finished?
me: no, there's a few more minutes of talking.
paul: fast-forward to the end.

so i did. kids these days, no appreciation for the arts.

January 19, 2008

heavy-duty nesting

if cam knows what's good for him, "so... i've been thinking..." should be the scariest words in the english language.

January 18, 2008

covering the floor

have been hunting for a rug for the living room for the past few weeks. finally narrowed it down to a handful of rugs -- and then i finally measured the living room and discovered that i had guesstimated too small a size, and that the increased prices corresponding to the increased size knocked most of my choices out of my budget. well, shit.

so... i'm turning to flor. i've accepted and rejected flor half a dozen times already, but this time sizing isn't a problem, the price is right and we won't have to worry about the additional expense of a rug pad. to seal the deal, i just got an email about their new santa monica showroom, so we can actually go see the stuff in person (playing around with six-inch samples just isn't the same). hope it works out this time.

January 17, 2008


i am SO excited that dwell studio is doing a line for target. the pictures i've seen of the children's line is TO DIE FOR. i wish the new baby had a nursery to decorate.

January 10, 2008


a few months ago i was pondering what to do for my one pair of reliable pregnancy shoes. i have plenty of shoes (more than i need, certainly), but if this pregnancy was going to be anything like the last, i was going to have to find at least one pair that would fit me through the weight gain and terrible foot/ankle swelling.

last time i lived in a pair of naot shoes (hannover, i think they were called? they were black with red trim), so i thought i'd go naot again. bought a pair of mary janes off zappos, and while they were cute, they didn't quite fit the way i wanted. if i could have found my original shoes on sale somewhere, i would have bought them again, but i wasn't particularly successful in that hunt. (not that i loved them so, but i was feeling a little lazy.) back to the drawing board.

on a set of boards i read, they seem to be constantly extolling the virtues of dansko clogs. i had looked at them before and deemed them a little too... stern. but since my original naots were clog-ish, i figured i'd give them a shot. j.jill had a friends and family sale going on, so i used the discount on a pair of professionals in black oiled leather.

good lord. these shoes were great. i loved them so much, i bought another pair in purple oiled leather. my mom loved them so much, i bought her a pair in black cabrio (she didn't like the oiled finish). we are now dansko fans. what i thought would look clunky and severe makes my foot look positively narrow. what a revelation.

i'm already planning my next purchase...

January 8, 2008


i've been starting to feel rather antsy about the house lately... i suspect it's a mild case of nesting. since i don't have a nursery to decorate this time around and the conversion of paul's big boy room to a big boy/girl room isn't going to happen for a few years, i've turned my focus to other parts of the house. i'm sure i am driving cam crazy.

on sunday i finally covered the glass panels of the entertainment unit. the messiness behind the glass has been bugging me for a long time, but i could never figure out what to use to cover it all up. i've had this image in mind for a long time, but i never could decide on a fabric to use. for some reason, today i decided that dammit, i was going to do something about it. i took some faux woodgrain contact paper (white ash) and cut a piece to fit the glass. much to my utter dismay, the paper didn't unroll very flat. i was about to give up when cam suggested we pull out the glass and put it on the front. luckily, the glass came out really easily, so i covered the two panels with the paper while cam watched football. then he put them back up for me.

it's a little hard to get used to the overall... woodsiness of the entertainment unit, but it looks nice -- and more importantly, it looks neat. i'm pretty happy with the effect, but now the rest of the living room looks unfinished...

November 29, 2007

unexpected romance

oh cheap ikea grill pan, how i love you so.

September 27, 2007


this is our current time-waster of choice. god, how i love this comic. cam has suggested that we refer to mr. (ms.?) baby redux as "t-rex."

August 29, 2007

age and experience

let me just get this off my chest: crowded house fans -- at least in southern california -- are pretty ugly.

August 18, 2007


got a new pair of earrings -- swirly silver hoops from a lovely woman on etsy. they are beautiful, lightweight and discreet. i put them on and forget about them. they don't bother me when i'm on the phone. most importantly, they don't make my ears ache or scab over. (i have ridiculously sensitive ears.) i think they are my new favorite pair.

August 12, 2007


two people close to my heart have been in the news lately. i'm rather shamefaced about how silent i've been. it's not that i haven't been thinking about them -- i just haven't always been thinking about them when i've actually found time to write: neil finn and neil gaiman.

i've heard good things about "stardust," the movie adapted from gaiman's comic/novel. (i admit here and now that i have not read it. fantasy hasn't really been my thing in a long time. i've never even read the hobbit, for chrissakes.) since he was actually involved in the making of this, i may actually see it one day (after i've read it, of course). i'm quite possibly more likely to see/read "stardust" before i ever get to a single harry potter book and/or movie.

it's a funny thing to me that comics -- and the san diego con in particular -- have become so trendy. i've only been there maybe 2-3 times; yet in the eyes of some, that makes me oddly interesting. my assistant was mad at me for not going this year. i was all, "um, hate to disappoint you, but i am a suburban mama now -- you're not going to catch me in sd in july with my emily strange t-shirt and my silver ankh." the coverage in the paper, in some of the blogs i read, on entertainment sites... it was just odd.

joel mentioned the con the other day via IM (hope you don't mind that i'm posting this slightly edited version of our somewhat rambling chat!):
joel: I only ask about Comic-Con because it seems like its becoming the "in" place to be, with all of the exclusive information that seems to be coming out of it this year...
joel: there's announcements for fall tv series, announcements for movies, etc
joel: I'm actually waiting for news from Comic Con about one of my favorite TV series
me: eh, when i read about the con in the la times last year, i just sort of sighed and figured it wouldn't be quite the way i remembered it
joel: yeah, things change, but its kinda fun to watch the change knowing that you've been there previously
me: really -- is that something to be proud of? :P
me: when we went, it was diff from when cam went before
joel: proud of? not really, its just more of an observational thing -- being glad that you were there before it became something you don't necessarily like
joel: i'm more of an observer about things I like these days than I have ever been
joel: partially due to getting married, partially due to having kids
joel: so I'm more or less restricted to observing anyways :)
me: har
joel: like when I started watching Japanese animation, it was when people were so desperate to get their hands on it, you got fansubbed 3rd generation VCR tapes
me: i don't know, i feel like we already spend too much time being a little sad about change
joel: now Anime Expo is huge and Borders and B&N stock all the manga titles you could ever ask for.
me: yes -- it's easier to indulge in what were once fairly obscure interests
me: and that sort of diminishes it, in a way
joel: true, but you don't feel at least a little sense of whimsy at having tread a path that is now popular?
me: not like the goal was to be new and different
joel: you were a pathfinder ;)
me: but still
joel: of course not
me: meh
joel: but you did something that now other people think is "cool" :)
me: whimsy? i don't know
me: more like occasionally resentful
joel: please, when the day comes that you do something that one of Paul's friends notes and tells him, "man, your mom is cool" -- it will make your day
me: all of the stuff that is now "cool" -- well, it makes me feel like i was rather faddish

before the movie came out, i read a rather fanboyish article in the la times about gaiman -- i found it by accident; i meant to read a story on the leading man in "stardust," but the gaiman article was right next to it. (never did get to that other article.) when i was logging into myspace (research, i tell you), gaiman was on the front page -- think it linked to a video. it's fabulous that the man is getting more good press and a name in the movie industry if that's what he wants. i'm not sure i ever want to see a "death" movie, but if one comes out we will have to see it because we haven't been doing our share of supporting the comic-book-to-movie movement. never did see "v for vendetta" (i don't like natalie portman, honestly) or "sin city" (never read it), but cam is salivating over the "watchmen" movie (i think he liked "300" -- same director, right?). cam also liked the x-men movies. (for me, i have to ask: keanu as constantine? adding tom sawyer to the league of extraordinary gentlemen? how did "from hell" turn into such a hot mess?)

on now to neil finn.

i have loved this man since i was 12. my kind-hearted cousin overheard my offkey "hey now, hey now" and lent me his copy of crowded house's debut album. off and on, for the last 20 years, i have been listening to all things finn. when plans for a ch reunion show (sort of) surfaced in 1999 for a new zealand 2000 new year's bash, cam and i were so there -- when it fell apart, well, obviously we were disappointed.

it never occurred to me that ch would reunite, especially after paul hester died. i'm happy for neil finn and nick seymour and their new drummer and mark hart (love mark hart), but the new music i've heard... beautiful as it is, it's not ch music. it's neil finn solo artist music. it's complicated stuff. i've never loved neil's work on his own as much as i loved ch, a fact which i hid from cam for a long time, because, you know, i started his own fandom by deciding that we should go to a neil finn show at the wiltern almost ten years ago. paul and i watched the new ch perform during bravo's "live earth" coverage. they played old stuff, predictably. there was a big singalong. paul hummed his own "hey now, hey now" bit for a while. i sighed and tried not to look at the "farewell to the world" poster just a few feet from the tv.

so. cam and i have tickets for a show at the greek later this month. i'm looking forward to seeing them. it'll be fun. it'll be a little melancholy. i'm not sure how much old vs. new they'll play, but i'm sure it'll be a good show. it's just a little hard to reconcile the music i remember with the men they've become. (but this is nothing new for us; cam and i have already had this conversation a few times over the years -- how often does a musician's growth/maturity/evolution actually translate into a continued successful career? (at this point i feel like i ought to be too ashamed to admit that i like new rem better than old rem.)) i hope this works for neil and ch, i really do. i'm not sure that they'll be winning new fans, but the neil fans and old ch fans will carry them through. we're all just aging fanboys and fangirls where they're concerned.

August 4, 2007

faux bois kingdom

saw the new martha stewart collection at macys on friday night. ooooh. even the rooster-shaped cutting board was charming. i am such the fan girl. i loved almost everything.

me: this is the highlight of my day.

in the immortal words of sterling (patrick stewart): martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement. i worship her.

May 16, 2007

just saw the commercial

i want mario party 8.

May 11, 2007

ship of fools

i recently succumbed to the notion of liking calleigh and delko together. been hanging out at "shipper central" on a csi fansite. damn. those people are fanatical. every possible pairing is explored in detail. supporting quotes are given. lists of episodes with suggestive scenes are collected. scenes are taken out of context to be compiled into dreamy-eyed little videos with music to match. it's insane, but kind of fun.

May 2, 2007

wiimote control

my love for the wii is slightly embarrassing. it causes my son to have nightmares.

paul: [sleeping] turn off the wii.
paul: turn off the wii!
paul: [crying] turn it off!

seriously. i could play warioware for hours. (i do suck, though.)

February 16, 2007

and your little dog, too

god help me, toto's "i'll be over you" is STILL one of the best songs ever.

February 13, 2007


my colts superbowl hat arrived. radness. i'm going to wear it to work tomorrow.

February 11, 2007

new pastime

am ridiculously enamored of a game paul and i discovered on the discovery kids site -- whizzball. it's so addictive. originally paul and i were only into playing it, but we have recently branched out into building puzzles as well. if you happen to solve a puzzle by "paulryo," let me know what you think of it.

at this point i don't even like playing with paul anymore because he likes to use clues (paul: give a clue, let's give a clue) and i don't because it cuts into the final score too much. my current goal is to get my ranking into the three-digit realm. right now we're just under 30,000, which may sound like a lot, but considering that we started in the 200,000+ range, i think i've got a pretty good shot.

February 2, 2007

i hog the ground

i hope you have your tivos set today for jack's big music show. today is the groundhog day episode -- and the music video stars steve burns and steven drozd! yay! i watched the video on youtube several times the other day and it is simply adorable.

me: do you know who that is?
paul: no?
me: it's steve from blue's clues!
paul: [watching silently and smiling]
paul: look!
paul: steve from blue's clues is playing with those kids!

January 9, 2007

i have no idea why it has taken me so long to mention this

cam told me about this on 12/22. it shames me that news of this magnitude could be lost in the holiday shuffle.

December 27, 2006


i hate to admit it, but i'm looking at purses again. very pricey ones. damn me for my expensive taste.

new music

a friend told me about pandora last week and i've been obsessing about it ever since. there are some rather annoying limitations to it, but it's still really cool.

November 11, 2006

green striped secrets

learned the other day that paul is holding out on me. until last night, he hadn't watched blue's clues with me in ages. i was under the impression that he considered himself too old for it. nope. turns out he watches it with my mom during the day. cruel-hearted child, depriving me of my steve fix.

November 4, 2006


i did it. swoon.

November 2, 2006

denizens of the deep

got an email from the steve burns fan club -- it contained a link to steve's myspace page.

be still my beating heart! new music! YAY!

(am almost tempted to join myspace just so i can try to be added to his friends list.)

in the comments i noticed one about steve's official site being updated, so i went to peek.

oh my god, i don't know if this is just a random sketch or if this is going to be the album cover, but there is a GIANT SQUID on it. a GIANT SQUID, people. (speaking of which, that "caught on camera" documentary is on again tonight.)

oh little balding singing man i love you so.

October 31, 2006

gotta catch 'em all

i dug up my old gameboy (a yellow pokemon one) because i thought it would amuse paul. turns out it amuses me more. woohoo, i'm a pokemon trainer!

pokemon yellow (all of them, actually, at least blue, silver, gold, et al.) is the most mind-numbingly tedious game ever, but it is relentlessly addictive. painfully addictive. while cam plays sudoku (from brain age) on his ds, i'm fighting zubats and geodudes on my gameboy. my mom tells me that paul is teaching her how to play galaxy II. we're just a cute little game-playing family.

October 25, 2006


been listening to barenaked ladies' new double album. god, i love those canadians.

October 16, 2006


i am consumed by the only-child decision.

we spent a long time talking about how we would only have one child. then, flush with the success of birthing one child, we giddily declared we'd have another. indeed, i told a friend a few months back that i'd be pregnant by the halloween after paul's birthday!

a few weeks back i mentioned how cam and i had tabled the discussion for the start of the next year. as the cousins who gave birth around the same time i did proceed to enlarge their families (in fact, one cousin had a child just a few weeks ago), i find myself feeling torn. i feel pressured, even if no one around me is really saying anything. as my mother announced the pregnancy of a cousin, i said to cam, "i think we're only having one."

in no way do i feel like my life is incomplete. in no way do i feel like i need another child (people tell me i need a girl) to round out my household. do i miss that warm wiggly tiny mass of baby in my arms? sure, but that's no reason to have a child. it's just a reason to get to know people with babies.

paul is such a handful right now. can we handle another child? can we cram another child into our house? are we prepared to either move or do some massive construction?

this past weekend it felt like everywhere we went, pregnant women were bound to be in my way. (of course, we did hit babies 'r' us, so that place is supposed to be swarming with 'em.) it certainly didn't help that i was pms'ing like a fiend -- my moods were swinging wide. i was alternately angry and depressed. these women were clearly TAUNTING my nonchildbearing self, FLAUNTING their earthmother status. then paul hit his prime freakout zone and i was considering running away to be a forever non-pg nun.

methinks she doth protest too much.

over breakfast i told cam that if i could just meet an only child without regrets about being an only child, maybe i'd feel better about the idea of having only one child.

me: i'm an only child and i'm not happy about it.
cam: [condescendingly] your situation is a little different.

i teared up over how regardless of how i got to this point i occasionally felt trapped because i knew that my mother's long-term care was solely my responsibility -- not that this is really a problem, but it would have been wonderful to be able to rely on my brother for assistance. and then i nearly cried about how very sad it was that once she was gone i had no one left to remember our lives together but me.

i'm not saying that i would like another child because i don't want to leave the big old burden of big old us on just paul -- he can put me in a home. what i wouldn't mind for paul is the feeling that there is someone (don't get religious on me) that knows what he knows.

this is terribly cheesy, but i was oddly touched when i read in parade magazine yesterday that seal and heidi klum's son has "dashtu" (tweaked aviation terminology, i guess?) for one of his many names because "as the dash two watches over the main jet, [he] is supposed to watch over his [older] sister." yeah, i'm a sap.

okay, so there are my pros and cons, i suppose. it sounds like perhaps the only thing keeping me from praying to fertility gods might be my own selfishness.

October 9, 2006

making a list and checking it twice

finally catching up with the christmas shopping. i feel good about it today.


paul's favorite giant squid documentary was deleted a few weeks back, so i've been trying to find it again. instead i found "kracken: tentacles of the deep" on sci-fi, which i recorded and i trot out occasionally for paul's amusement. admittedly, it amuses me more.

cam: this movie combines two of your obsessions.
me: [raised eyebrow]
cam: giant squid.
cam: and o'connells.
me: screw you!
cam: [laughing]

September 21, 2006

toy store-age

cam: you officially have a stash. the thomas stuff arrived.

what a sweetie. he seems to actually understand my desire for a gift closet. he humors me in my strange purchasing habits, and he has never once pointed out that i don't actually have a place to store these excess gifts.

September 15, 2006

not all that simple

i am letting my long-running subscription to "real simple" lapse. as fond as i am of that magazine, it makes me feel inferior ("martha stewart living" has the same effect, but jesu cristo, it's martha. we are ALL inferior.). flipping through the pages of "real simple," i see stuff about organizing one's home, one's life, one's family, one's work -- and i can't tell if you're supposed to do these all simultanously. i just end up feeling tired after reading that magazine, and those damned things are thick! i'd still be reading the february issue in june.

but just because i'm cutting my subscription doesn't mean that i'll give up on my plans to one day be "THAT organized mom." to that end, i developed a new goal for myself.

me: what is that look?
cam: nothing.
me: oh, like i don't have enough to do?
cam: [smirk]

every sunday, i will take a back issue and select one organizational challenge. if it's a long-term type thing that requires purchases (that won't get here within a week), then i can place whatever orders and then pick something else that will be accomplishable within my one-week timeframe.

i pulled out an issue last night to see what i was getting myself into. it was from 2001 and i swear, it was about a quarter of the size of the current issues. there seemed to be only one applicable article -- about organizing the hallway closet. (other articles included organizing your gym bag (ha! what gym?) and learning life lessons from panda bears (uh-huh, sure).) i took a look at our hallway closet and cringed. perfect. it's a really small spot, there's too much crammed in there, and i've been meaning to get to it for ages. because it didn't really look like a full week's worth of project, i started last night. paul was most amused. i put a scarf on him. "do i look like a woman?" he took the scarf off and put on a fisherman hat. "do i look like a mailman?"

i think this could be fun in ways that no one at home could ever understand.

September 14, 2006

pretty woolly goodness

wish i could buy a nice big angela adams' rug for my living room, but:

1) i can't afford it;
2) even if i could afford it, i'd feel guilty shelling out that much for a rug; and
3) paul would pee on it.

so much for that. i do a lot of shrugging-and-moving-on when it comes to my design desires.

September 6, 2006


i get obsessed really easily. painfully easily. right now i am still obsessing over the way shane west croons, "baby." swoony mcswoon. alas.

that said, i have only written one fan letter-thingy (email) in my life, and that was to heather armstrong. she didn't write back, but i didn't expect her to.

cam tried to sign me up for frenz of the enz, but they took his money and our love and gave him nothing in return. feh on you, peter green.

just joined a steve burns fan club. the steve site i semi-frequent didn't even tell me that the tmbg tribute album came out. feh on them. i need more news. the steve love is all-a-twitter after the blue's clues anniversary documentary. how i love a balding soft man in his middle-30s. if he happened to be an IT guy in a former life, i'd join his harem for sure.

September 4, 2006

in the closet

am fantasizing about the wonders of a gift closet. cam laughs because apparently this is such a mom thing.

September 3, 2006

deadbeat fan

i can't believe i didn't know about the existence of the ten years of blue's clues special. feh on me. what kind of a steve and blue fan am i? the horror. and i never even wrote about the end of the blue's baby brother thing (cam and i deleted that thing asap -- which is a bit of a shame because paul has been asking about it).

anyway, i watched the brief documentary (you can catch it on the nick jr. site) with cam. too cute. the beginnings of the show are really interesting. loved the little segments with steve and donovan. (and steve's secret reason for leaving was very cute.) cam is going to take their beatbox version of the mail song and turn it into a ringtone for my cell. yay! the little scenes over the credits were interesting. jessica alba? bruce willis? robin williams? nick cannon (i think)? looks like they ambushed people at an awards show.

it was kind of weird, though, that they didn't address the end of the show. i mean, it's not like they're making new shows, but considering that they have a constantly renewable audience, it's not like they need to.

August 17, 2006


i've been thinking about christmas for the past couple of days. maybe it's because i sent a friend a christmas ornament for her birthday, maybe it's because it's august and in the past i used to try to get my christmas craft (don't ask) in line by august. whatever the reason, it's time to shop.

cam has already beaten me. he bought the first christmas present of the year a few months back. curses!

it's interesting to see how my christmas list grows and grows. it used to be a pretty short one, but then came the baby explosion of the past few years. it's fun to shop for little kids, but it gets kind of stressful trying to coordinate gifts for the three-year-old set, the one-year-olds, the birth-to-6-months group, etc. etc. etc. yesterday i was debating the merits of "girl" gifts over those of "boy" gifts and was it possible to find a truly gender-neutral gift that wouldn't make the parents sneer? i haven't figured out the answer to that one yet.

cam is amused by my desire to start my shopping, but um, excuse me, mr. already-started-down-that-slippery-slope. besides, i'm in charge, more or less, of the list, leaving cam to pretty much buy only for his family and co-workers. so i need to get started or i'll be paying too much in shipping costs later down the line. (you didn't think i'd go to the mall, did you?)

August 16, 2006

a thing of beauty

i fell in love with a shower curtain today. god help me, i saw it online and i felt tears come to my eyes, it was just THAT BEAUTIFUL.

August 9, 2006

gold clues, part 2

last night we watched most of the blue's clues special. it was pretty meh. joe looked pasty and little puffy, but i felt a little bit pleased for him because he was getting to interact with something. sure, these were only puppets, but after all that time alone in front of a blue screen... yeah. so it was nice to see him talking to something.

blue's voice i'm used to (hi, YOU!), but sprinkles? ugh. that was pretty bad. and those spots? i liked him better all white.

maybe we'll finish it tonight. we could have finished it last night, but i was ready to turn it off.

August 8, 2006

gold clues

being the big blue's clues fans that we are, you'd expect that i'd have a long review of the new special "meet blue's baby brother," right?

you'd think.

i actually didn't watch it on sunday. cam reported that paul wouldn't watch it because (1) it was blue's room, and (2) joe had scary hair. i skimmed it last night -- i wanted to watch it, but it was kind of painful because i don't like puppets. (not a muppet show fan. not even a sesame street fan. i watched fraggle rock as a child, but only because i thought the dozers were cute.)

i guess we'll try again tonight.

August 5, 2006


there's something very intriguing about solar power. cam and i have been discussing a newfound desire for eco-friendliness. we've never been avid recyclers or anything like that, but we've become rather curious about renewable sources of energy. i guess that means that green-ness just got geeky.

August 1, 2006

didn't really like the movie

i have a new stapler! it's a swingline, but no, it's not red. i may be silly enough to buy my office supplies, but i'm not that much into making an office-space-like mockery of myself.

July 26, 2006


yay for lance bass. way to finally come clean.

July 10, 2006


i love to look through catalogs to come up with ideas i can duplicate cheaply in my own home. it's so much fun for me, even though it can get rather stressful because i throw myself into the work.

June 15, 2006

thanks to little britain

i am completely enamored with the name "myfanwy" for a girl.

May 29, 2006


i am fascinated by documentaries on gender dysphoria. i don't know why. i have never had the desire to be a man.

April 23, 2006


we've been watching the top 100 teen stars countdown on vh1 and i am in heaven. i love teen crap like this and i don't even do so ironically. i am so... stunted and i didn't even know it. can i start calling my son mark-paul? someone needs to smack me and remind me that i'm in my thirties.

February 28, 2006

holy grail of handbags

in may of 2000, my copy of marie claire showed up in our mailbox and changed my life forever.

i exaggerate, but not by much.

the june issue (which i still own -- i kept that and one other; the rest were recycled) had a feature on four women of varying income levels and what they spent on fashion in a year. i was so inspired by this that i kept an excel spreadsheet for a year to chart my fashion and fashion-related purchases -- and was stoked to see that i spent considerably less than someone making roughly the same. mind you, the reason for this was simple. i was harder to fit.

one woman bought a hermes birkin. it was $5K and she had been waitlisted for two years. looking at the picture with older eyes, i think it must have been a 35cm (didn't look big enough to be a 40 cm) black togo with gold hardware. back then i thought it was ridiculous. $5K? 2-year wait? what kind of lunacy is that? and for a frumpy bag, no less. feh! ah, to be 25 again...

over the past few years i've reconsidered my stance on the birkin. now, that stance is I MUST HAVE ONE. it's just so classic. even bought a terrible light blue fake (so as to be ever so clearly fake) just to get more acquainted with the shape. there's an italian site that sells lovely well-made similarly styled bags for a tenth of the price, but i want the real deal. (i did almost buy one, but decided against it because it really did smack of replica. where i live, no one would know the difference, but so what? i would.) had a momentary passion for the jean paul gaultier shoulder birkin, but that faded when i realized just how hard to get that one would be -- plus it was a bit trendier and i couldn't justify that kind of cash for it. last night i was reading about the waiting list and i made a decision that i was going to get myself on that goddamned list for a 35cm black clemence with palladium hardware. if it takes years, fine, because it's going to take me a while to save up enough mad money to buy the damned thing.

i woke up this morning thinking i was crazy and i should never make impetuous, life-changing, expensive decisions while watching zoboomafoo.

last night, though, it wasn't all that surprising that i was thinking about it. on the way home, cam said he couldn't spend any more money until he got reimbursed from insurance. when i said i couldn't, either, he pointed out that he was the one who bought the car (the audi a3, by the way).

"i just bought a $30,000 car. i could have bought three birkins for that price!" he declared.

"then i demand you return the car for a $20,000 one and buy me a birkin," i retorted.

"sorry, sweetie," he said, laughing, "there's no cooling off period."

which then led to an interesting discussion of how new york has a cooling-off period of three days, but you don't take possession of the car until the end of that time. we wondered why pushy new yorkers would need protection from feeling pushed into large purchases until we considered that pushy new york car salesman would be very pushy indeed.


i don't know what i'll do, but i'll think of something. wait for serendipity. or the lotto. or for the desire to pass (it might, you never know). i just do know that if i do get one, i'd like the purchase to be made in my 30s or 40s. i don't want to get it when i'm at the age when younger folk look at me the way we now look at little white-haired guys driving sports cars. logic tells me that this is foolish -- jesu cristo, it's hermes, not juicy couture -- but i want to grow old with this bag, not be old when i get it.

February 24, 2006

solo viewer

it's just before 11 pm on a friday night and i'm alone with steve, mr. salt and mrs. pepper. i am actually sitting here watching "blue is frustrated," which is one of the last eps of blue's clues i have left to watch. (i know this because i have a doc on my computer at home i use to keep track of the eps i've seen.) i've been trying to get paul to watch this ep for a few days now, but he is a tiny bit too stubborn to indulge his sick, obsessive mother in this regard. i also need to watch "love day," but i think i'll hold off on that one. i feel sheepish enough watching this one without paul even conscious, but at least steve's in it.

February 18, 2006

where's mailbox when you need him?

my mother called me at work on friday.

her: ... and they left cam a letter.
me: cam just got a letter!
her: [laughter]
me: [laughter]
me: ah... i need sleep.

February 16, 2006

good news

i read that lv is phasing out the gold hardware in favor of silver on all of the epi leather bags. i know this is disappointing news to some, but me? woohoo!


this evening i added myself to the waitlist for a gerard darel bag at a local boutique...

February 15, 2006

empty pockets

i am feeling beyond sheepish. i need help. i need an intervention. i've already told cam he needs to take my credit cards away from me (but that wouldn't really help because i've memorized my main credit card number)... there was a final winter clearance at the eileen fisher site, and i spent over $250 because the prices were ridiculously low (like $19 for something normally $60+). i bought just about one of everything they had available in my size. there were even a few things i coveted but didn't buy because they sold out (and stolen from my cart!) while i was hemming and hawing over the total.

oh well, i work hard, why shouldn't i buy things for myself?

February 13, 2006

shallow pleasures

i got my speedy 25 last night. cam is far too kind to me. i didn't think we'd go out yesterday because it was getting late and i was still unwashed, but he insisted we go to south coast plaza (after calling both south coast plaza and the beverly center lv boutiques to see if they carried the speedy 25 in black epi leather).

so i showered and off we went. the lv boutique was crowded, but cam went right up to the counter and asked for the speedy 25 and 30 in monogram canvas and the speedy 25 in black epi. of course, they had sold out of the black, so cam asked to see the orange so that we could at least see an epi speedy. it was cute, but it was hard for me to get past the orange. the speedy 30 was too big for me. cam was right. then i asked for the jasmin in black. (cam was all, "what the hell is that?") the sales associate smiled. "that is a nice bag," she said approvingly.

she brought it over and i fell in love. so pretty! it had gold hardware, so we asked them to check for silver. "maybe they'll make this easy on me and only have it in gold," i said to cam. calls and whispers ensued. end result was that they only had silver in the blue, i think. even though i kind of knew this would be the case, i was still disappointed. it was so gorgeous and cam liked it, too. we deemed it almost the perfect black bag.

i ended up buying the monogram speedy 25 and i think i might be spoiled for life. the shopping experience wasn't all that great -- so crowded, lots and lots of asian women (that was actually just an observation -- i don't have anything against asian women) -- but the presentation was so charming. my purse was practically gift-wrapped. is there any store at a lower price point that packs up their products so nicely?

carrying the lv shopping bag seemed to make me part of an exclusive club. even with my hair a mess, my clothes so underwhelming (old jeans, gapkids velcro sneakers with paint on them, katamari t-shirt and black hooded sweatshirt), child on my hip, women still scoped me out, eyeing the bag with curiosity and open jealousy. it was hilarious, and yes, it was part of the whole shallow pleasurable experience. i'm not above a little consumer oneupmanship. not at all.

in other purse news: i am completely, utterly cured of the lust for the celine clandestine and the boogie bag. they didn't have a clandestine in the store (well, at least as far as we went inside), but they did have a few iterations of the boogie. adorable, but for over a grand i expect my purses to have feet. not to mention the chilly reception we got from the staff... we started to walk towards the store and the salesguy up front whipped out his cell phone or something and proceeded to poke at it the whole time we were in there. the saleswomen futher inside didn't even look up. believe it or not, guys, i can afford this, and if you'd rather my money went to lv, well, so be it.


watched the video for steve burns' version of "dead" for the they might be giants tribute album. (cam, bless his nonjealous heart, made a bunch of screencaps for me because i couldn't watch the video at work.) very cute. he looks good bald and clean-shaven. of course, i loved the dorky glasses on him because i wear very similar ones... swoony swoon mcswoon. what a sick person i am.

February 8, 2006


if i bought every single handbag i've thought about longingly in the past few days, i would be at least $20K in debt.

January 23, 2006


paul and i have been watching "blue's big musical movie." he seems to like it. "movie. movie. blue."

i understand that the whole watching experience of blue's clues is really based on you interacting with blue and the gang. the characters on the screen are familiarly close. but... there's a scene in the beginning of the movie that cracks me up because one could perhaps (perhaps!) envision straddling steve, he's that close. "oh, it's you," he says sleepily, sitting up in bed in his cute little striped pajamas. of course it's me. it better be. i'm the jealous type.

slays me every time. who is this movie for, anyway?

January 22, 2006


i have decided that i am ALL ABOUT the 5-door car. i just love chunky little 4-door hatchbacks. cam is not thrilled by this.

January 19, 2006


last night i settled on the couch with paul to watch our nightly dose of blue's clues. even though he had expressed a preference for a particular episode (paul: play. store. play. store.), i decided we'd watch "magenta gets glasses" because i had not yet seen it. at least i didn't think i had seen it.

once we started watching, i was positive i had not seen it before. there was a girl in it, a real human being, and she was magenta's owner. her name was miranda and she bugged the crap out of me. sure, she was pretty and i liked the way she dressed, but she made too many faces. and worst of all, steve acted rather lovesick around her. i was irritated.

cam was amused. "she makes as many faces as steve," he pointed out. "it's just that she's not steve." grrr. "she's not used to acting in front of the blue screen, and steve isn't used to acting with people."

um, cam, you can leave at any time, you know.

January 17, 2006

could you sign this for my little brother?

as much as i love him, i can admit when he is acting like a spoiled brat.

January 15, 2006

prince charming

paul: jump. jump. jump.
my mom: are you a frog?
paul: jump. jump.
mm: are you a frog?
paul. no.
mm: well, then what are you?
paul: man.
mm: a man! i didn't know you were already a man!
paul: real man.

January 14, 2006

unusually quick resolution

after the auto show (paul: auto. show.), we stopped by the target on sepulveda right off the 110. much to our surprise, they had the parents magazine mypod in stock! it was called "my mp3." (not sure when the name change took place.) we listened to it all the way home.

jump, jump, jump
everybody jump
we play football in the playground
you play seesaw in the playground
we have fun and joy
everybody jump

good fit

last night we went straight after work to the la convention center (it is down the street from my office, after all) for the auto show. (cam was working from home as is usually the case on fridays, so he packed up our son and off they went to pick me up.)

i was kind of meh about the whole thing. cam really, really, really wanted to see the bugatti, which he did (from several different angles). in the concourse hall, where all the primopricey cars live, the exhibits were slightly different from in the other halls. these cars you couldn't touch, sit in or even breathe on. the bugatti was fenced off in this sort of tank-like black thing. men with accents were ogling that car, imploring their friends to take pictures of them at just the right angle as to appear that the bugatti was mere inches from them instead of several feet away. cam also wanted to see the lotus, and was sure to tell paul that he was expected to purchase one for his old man when he could afford it.

like i said, i was kind of meh -- until i saw my dear, dear honda fit. i had totally forgotten about it. what a cutie that car is. sure, it's underpowered, but it's only $13k. i sat in the driver seat and was content.

overheard: it's like a matrix, but conventional.

bite me, i say.

paul had fun, driving various cars and attempting to flee from our overprotective hands. i'm not sure what he liked best (well, aside from the fact that he kept saying "jeep. jeep!"), but i must point out that he did take his own turn sitting behind the wheel of the fit.

January 13, 2006


we may not have found the mypod at target last night, but i will persevere and visit every goddamned target in the south bay if i have to just to track down that foolish thing. (i should have bought it the first day i saw paul transfixed by it.)

if i don't even try, i'll never bring closure to this situation. i would be forever doomed to wander the earth knowing only the first line to that stupid "jump, jump, jump, everybody jump" song. if i at least make the effort, then maybe the parents magazine gods will take pity on me and get that damn song out of my head.

December 23, 2005

big. bag.

am currently crushing very hard on amy butler's nappy bag. i love love love it, even though i suspect that it's far too big for my short and scrunchy little self...

December 21, 2005


my properly-sized steve shirt arrived today. i look silly wearing it, but i'm still so very pleased.

thanks, cam!

old pictures

spent a few minutes looking at old tv guide covers (the tv guide site has an online gallery of covers going back to the 50s. it's cool. check it out.) after imdb revealed to me that steve had been on a cover. i was sad to see it was kind of a creepy picture. oh well.

since i was already there, i thought i'd look at a few others -- namely ones featuring peyton manning. there have been three. i own the peyton/eli one, but i had never seen the other two. in one of them, he was actually -- dare i say it? -- kind of hot. note that there are many things one can say about peyton, and hot is so not one of them. i say this out of love, mind you.

December 20, 2005


just peeked at a blog of a filipino girl who just declared her love for steve burns five days ago. yay! and she's even listening to "songs for dustmites." if i wasn't so antisocial, i might even write to her.

for christmas, cam bought me a green-striped shirt like steve's. what a guy. (he bought a blue joe shirt for paul.) fortunately, he couldn't resist giving it to me yesterday when the package arrived -- and i say fortunately because the store sent the wrong size. it would have been crushing to unwrap it and see that instead of mens small*, it was a kids small! cam called them and they'll be sending out a new shirt asap. poor cam is disappointed, but it's no big deal. it's good that we caught the error in time. we should have the replacement on thursday.

*surprised? what, were you expecting "fangirly" or "obsessive mom" to be a size?

December 19, 2005


in an episode of blue's clues, we learned how blue came to live with steve, et al. it was disconcerting, to say the least. bothersome, even. i have these questions:

1) where are steve and joe's parents?

2) where did joe go? if he was in the house as a baby, when did he leave?

3) how can mr. salt and mrs. pepper be so [occasionally] dippy if they have been able to successfully raise two humans and assorted, um, household objects from birth or near-birth?

4) how old is blue? she has been a puppy for at least 20 years.

i know i've been thinking about this too much, but i think if you watched several years' worth of eps in a matter of months you'd feel the same.

stripes and squares

it completely slays me each and every time steve and joe on blue's clues wear something different from their normal outfits. (for instance, steve's striped t-shirt and shorts in "blue's backyard ballgame bonanza" are just too cute. i nearly kept that episode just for those shorts.) and i totally love how, according to the holiday episodes we watched this weekend, apparently nothing says generic winter holiday like rollneck sweaters.

happy holidays, everyone!

December 18, 2005


oh colts, how could you let this happen?

December 9, 2005

pubowner's pal

at smart & final on tuesday night, i gasped with joy when i saw a three-pack of liquid barkeeper's friend. the feeling must have been mutual because it practically leaped into my cart.

i love that stuff.

November 22, 2005


* sometimes i wish the colts would lose because then it wouldn't seem so... uh, i don't know, trendy to like them. i hate to seem like a bandwagoneer.

* if colts score, it's because they have a good offense. if their opponent scores, it's not because the opponent has a good offense, it's because the colts' defense isn't playing so well. why is this?

* peyton appears to be the dorkiest football player ever and that is why i love him. those commercials! gah!

November 15, 2005

more than just a little

the other night i dreamt i met steve burns. no idea where, but there were comfy chairs all over the place like a vegas hotel lobby.

we chatted for a while, sitting in those comfy chairs. he said that it was still funny to him how so many moms were just a little in love with him.

"more than just a little," i said, getting out of my comfy chair. and then i kissed him!

what a funny dream.

November 10, 2005


none of this george eads and jerry o'connell (congrats to him and rebecca romijn, by the way) nonsense -- it's time for this completely nonwhite girl to admit to some crushes on men of color. (and the colors would be brown and yellow, i guess.) aamer haleem and archie kao are entirely too cute.

November 9, 2005


yay! this article makes me happy. yay for small cars (and my beloved fit)!

October 14, 2005

lately i just haven't been myself

steve (love!) burns' "troposphere" definitely goes on my best songs ever list. swoon!

September 30, 2005


i haven't revisited the world o' slash in a long, long time, but man, i used to totally live there. not at the point where i wrote it, i just read it... with glee. far too much glee. (i don't have to define "slash," do i?)

i think what happened is just that i turned way too mom on myself too quickly. it was the same with tv. after paul was born, i couldn't really watch anything violent. i still can't watch boxing or any crime shows involving crimes against children or pregnant women.

anyhow, i used to love this site, but i never really read anything on it other than the celebrity fanfic. i have a love-hate relationship with fanfic. i even wrote one years ago that i posted to a smallville forum (it was about poor neglected pete). i love a well-written and inventive one, but so much of them are just such trash. they have to be at least somewhat realistic, and i think that's the problem. too many stories i've read seem to involve the writer far too much -- either directly as a character (witness the hijinks of buffy and pals in my english class!) or indirectly by infusing characters with the writer's own traits (i am rory, can't you see?).

the realism issue is more easily sidestepped when the fanfic involves musicians or actors -- real people. when you write about tv or movie characters, they aren't so much of a blank slate. they have a direction, a way of speaking, a backstory. when a writer makes a character do something out of character, it just causes a big disconnect. a huge freaking wtf? moment. when you're writing about real people, you may have a notion of their histories and how they come across in interviews and whatnot, but you're basically on your own to imagine a private life. who is going to contradict you? "oh my god, justin timberlake would never, ever say that." um.

i also visited a few other sites that i can't seem to locate anymore: one specifically for boyband slash (loved me some joey/chris) and another one for smallville (clark/lex and lana/chloe). a few years back i discovered csi slash and realized that grissom/nicky slash was totally squee!-worthy. the other day i learned of the existence of ncis slash (duh -- just never occurred to me) and i do so look forward to the notion of some gibbs/dinozzo.

i've read an opinion somewhere that slash just ruins the fun of hoyay. the spark is there on tv, we see it, then we go and write about it and then the sassy secret sexiness of it is just gone. i don't think i believe that. i think it adds an interesting dimension to the tv-viewing experience. i read somewhere else that slash just isn't good slash if it isn't naughty. this i agree with. i don't need full-out oiled and sweaty sex scenes, at that point it's more porn with familiar people in the lead roles -- but there needs to be something giddy-making and fun about it all -- like, "oh dear god, it's about time these two hooked up! yes, in that way!"

there aren't any immediate plans to dive back into slash. when could i? when i'm at work? riiight. when paul goes to sleep? i guess, only if cam is watching lost or battlestar galactica or numb3rs. and only if there is wine available.

hurray for naughty reading fun!

September 29, 2005

video killed the video star

as fond as i am of the backstreet boys, i'm not entirely sure what to think of their latest video. it's hilarious, but it's so ugly. it's good they are moving on, yes, but i miss the pretty. the wind machines, the rain machines (hoses?), the angsty poses, the tortured artist expressions set to easy-listening pop...

September 27, 2005

whatever it takes

peyton, you know i love you, but please... don't talk-sing.

September 24, 2005

random thoughts about blue's men

i'm a big fat liar because i am going to talk about joe (and steve (love!) because a day isn't a day until i say something about him).

i found the joe episode we watched this morning to be really, really distracting because his hair kept changing. i'm not accusing the good people behind the show of recycling footage with joe the way they did with steve*, but it was pretty obvious that some of the scenes were strung together. in some parts he has the hair he usually has, in other he's practically mullet-y. not a good look for him. sadly enough, the more i watch the more distracted i get by hair and makeup incontinuity and it's messing a bit with my enjoyment of the stories.

one of the steve eps was really good and really cute. the other one was close to the end of steve's time on the show, and well, it shows. still love him though. have i mentioned lately that his cd is amazing?

on one of the tv sites i frequent, i noticed that donovan patton is credited with being "joe burns." this just cracks me up.

i watched the clip of steve on "yes, dear." hilarious. got it from here. "so do you want to make out?" how many moms have had this exact dream? surreal.

i clearly watch this show entirely too much.

*watch several of the early steve eps in a row. watch steve's hair before he sings the main blue's clues song, during and afterwards. there are definite breaks between those three points (they kept this structure with joe, by the way) -- first steve sings either by himself or crouching next to side table. then he sings the song right in front of the thinking chair. right after he sings the word "anything," he dives out of view and blue jumps up to fill the screen. then steve pops back up with jazz hands and sings "that we want to do." the part in the middle is reused several times. i'm sure most moms already know this, but i just wanted to write about it because it will consume me alive until i write it down. looking at later episodes, i see that the this particular sequence often looks a little different from the rest of the show -- i don't necessarily think at this point that it's because of recycling but rather that it was shot at a different time from the rest of the surrounding scenes. i am so overthinking this.

September 23, 2005

thinking aloud (sort of)

if a certain person turned out to be gay, i would love him more.


neatly centered in the middle of my desktop at work i have the milk ad featuring archie, peyton and eli manning. because i don't usually minimize my apps at all during the day, i usually forget that it's there until i am closing up shop for the night. at that point -- i can't help this, it's pretty much involuntary -- i say out loud, "hey, look, it's the mannings!" people walking by my office must think i'm mad.

September 22, 2005

trying this again

am listening to my second copy of "songs for dustmites." steve (love!), if you're reading this, please know that i paid full price for this. words cannot express how much i love this cd. if i ever get to go to a steve (love!) concert, i promise i won't be one of the confused-looking soccer moms standing by the door. scout's honor and all that.

while i was shopping for this cd, i saw and just had to order a copy of something combines another two fondnesses of mine: peyton manning and country music. i now have a copy of "nfl country" on order. yay! that is going to be a riot, i know it.

September 19, 2005

almost like being a kid again

rereading some back entries, i am amused to see that i come across as 15 and boycrazy. yay me!

September 18, 2005

javier lopez

i've been reading about past antics of someone i have a fondness for, and now i am feeling rather icky. i'm so disappointed. i guess this person and his family are just canny workers of the media machine because i had no idea a particular event had even happened. oh well, focus on the good, focus on the good...

update: talked to cam about it, who tried to put it in some perspective. i feel a little better. still kind of icky, but i think maybe it would be best to chalk this up to being just being young and stupid (and a redneck, at that). there are rumors having to do with the present that are much more interesting, so maybe i'll just check out those instead of mooning over the past.

September 9, 2005

i make no such promises re steve!

i'm pretty bummed. my steve (love!) burns cd seems to be lost forever. we had it in the car with us during the accident and i just have no idea what happened to it. cam says just to order another one, but i'm feeling doubly guilty because i was kind of mean to cam when he offered to copy the cd to his ipod. the boy and i were playing and cam kept leaving the room, so i accused him of looking for excuses to not stay and play with us.

yeah. i don't get that, either. oh well.

one nice thing about the cd issue is that the accident meant all cds from the car had to come into the house. (always looking on the bright side, that's me.) cam has a nasty habit of putting cds into any old case he finds, so i wasn't surprised to find our andrew denton musical challenge cd in the keane case. (sigh) i was able to finally match some cases to cds, so i was pretty pleased. i really need to do a sweep of our cds and put them in some sort of order. we have shelves for them, but any pretense of order was lost when paul became mobile.

i like thinking about when i was a kid and was absopositively determined that tapes were the way to go. when i was 12 and got both madonna's "true blue" and whitney houston's first album on tape i thought i was rad. then when my parents bought our ridiculously large cd player at my brother's request not long afterwards i thought they were all loons. funny how that works out. now i am continuing to buy cds in the face of cam's obvious delight with itunes. one day i'll give in, i'm sure, but if that happens, what will i do with all of our cd shelves?

the last thing i will say about joe from blue's clues

joe is cute (despite his rather unfortunate occasional resemblance to jay leno). there. i said it.

September 2, 2005

there is no way they could be brothers

okay, i have to admit that i have been a little unreasonable about joe. i hadn’t seen enough episodes to really say that joe is absolute dork and thus should be hated. now that i’ve seen a few more, i admit that he’s kind of appealing. i’ve rewatched the ep that initially drew my ire and it still does upon re-viewing – four more times – but he hasn’t done anything nearly so awful in any of the other eps of his i’ve seen. in fact, he’s more than tolerable. he’s no steve (love!), but even early steve was not necessarily steve (love!).

early steve is actually a little scary. the pic quality was not as good (much darker and fuzzier) and he is positively manic. i want to tell him to chill when he’s capering across my screen like that. no wonder he tones it down in later eps. it’s exhausting. but he’s still cute.

last night we were watching an ep of the new wiggles show when i mentioned that there was talk on the wiggles boards about how hot paul paddick (captain feathersword) has been looking lately. the “boardies” had written something about how the captain should stop with the billowy shirts because he’s in such good shape. cam made a face and mused that “one day i am going to lose you to a children’s tv show.” i had to chuckle at that.

August 30, 2005

happy halloween!

as is my wont, i made us watch a steve-ep of blue’s clues last night. paul initially didn’t care (since he seems to prefer joe), but eventually gave in to the wonder that is steve (love!).

i just found a site where i could buy steve and joe shirts for my two boys. of course, to dress cam up as steve (love!) is just a little creepy, so i think i’d have to buy him a joe shirt. oooh, for halloween i could dress cam as joe and paul as blue! god, that’s so cute i feel a little sick to my stomach.

August 25, 2005

"don't kill me, i look so fetching in green stripes"

more charming stuff from steve burns:

“blue's clues is the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free ticket. i just know that if I'm in a subway and someone tries to murder me I'd just say 'wait, wait. i'm the guy from blue's clues,' and he'd have to be a real hardened criminal to go ahead and kill me.”

August 24, 2005


steve burns on touring:

“it's something like being a pirate, i imagine. it's as close to piracy as a person's allowed to come, legally. you jump into a city, into a small bar where no one cares who you are, you plunder, and then you leave.” (impress magazine)

how could you not love a guy who makes pirate analogies?

August 23, 2005

have you seen blue? my puppy?

today i am even more embarrassed than i was yesterday, but this has nothing to do with yesteday’s cocky statement of the day.

today it has to do with my now full-blown steve burns obsession. yay!

he’s not exactly the most attractive person, but he has such an excellent voice – and looking at his site and reading interviews with him, i tend to think he has a marvelous sense of humor as well. swoon. (and giggle.)

cam said – and i quote: “you love steve the way i love petros.”

oh, cam, i thought you were so... rugged.

seriously though, it’s embarrassing. it’s gigglycakes-can’t-breathe-red-embarrassment. i don’t think i’ve ever cultivated this kind of crush on peyton manning (love!). hm. disturbing. does this mean i have to drop the “(love!)” from his name? hm some more. end of an era.

i am shrugging and smiling and feeling rather goofy.

August 22, 2005

horny moms

i have the most ridiculous obsession borne of a weekend of watching blue’s clues. joe vs. steve?

at lunch yesterday i told cam that childrens’ programming has certainly gotten sophisticated. market research, market research. very important. who is watching these shows? kids, yes, but more than likely moms are watching them with the kids. so what better way to make a mom watch a show than eye candy?

i’m a mom and i’m married, but i ain’t dead.

i’ve already written about captain feathersword. i think i mentioned anthony wiggle, too. now it’s time to add steve to the list. (joe is cute and all (many women enjoy his tail-wagging during the mail song), but i prefer steve.)

interestingly enough, it seems like lots of moms feel this way about steve. he mentions in interviews that he gets lots of naughty mail. i read these fun selections from his site and was embarrassed and titillated at the same time!

“Well, I know someone else is reading this for you but here it goes anyways....after I saw you on an episode of Law and Order (I think), I quit looking at you as a child's idol and began seeing you as a MAN! There is something strangely provocative about you, and strangely sexy! I am sure you get this a lot from strange, lonely woman (and I assure you, I am none of these!) and if it wasn't from the amount of alcohol in my system now, I wouldn't be writing this (you know, no inhibitions and all), but if you are ever in my area, it would be worth your while.”

“Hi Steve. I am a 24 year old married mom of two and I would LOVE to spank you. I know you've heard this plenty of times, but I REALLY, REALLY want to. You don't understand, I can't even look at Joe. I want you. Please come back to me baby. I need to see you.”

“I am so relieved that it is finally appropriate to now say aloud that I have serious hots for you and would do anything for a chance meeting in a darkened alleyway. I have suppressed these oversexed feelings for you for quite sometime, considering you were a preschool children's idol. I hope you don't mind hearing such naughtiness, but after seeing shots of you swilling beer, I feel that I am on the right track here. I'll be happy to send pictures, if that would seal the deal. By the way, Joe sucks.”

then i listened to snips of his album and was redfaced to admit that i liked it.

yeah, i know he left blue’s clues and recorded his album years ago, but i didn’t have a child old enough to enjoy the show until now. so there. no worries, steve, i won’t be writing you any sexy fan mail but know this: at 5’6”, you’re plenty tall to me.


heather duke

i have a strange, strange fondness for shannen doherty. no real reason why, but i’ve been fond of her since i saw her in “girls just wanna have fun” and “our house.” oooh, and can’t forget that she was in “heathers”! that was my favorite movie for years. (i don’t really remember her in “mallrats,” though. when i think of that movie i only think of volkswagens.)

i don’t really seek out her movies or her appearances on tv, so i’m hardly obsessed. god knows i’ve never seen an episode of “charmed” – but i have seen most of that early school dance ep of “90210”, though. you know, the one where kelly and brenda are mad each other because they’re wearing the same dress and then brenda has sex with dylan but it must have just been a quickie during the commercial break because we all know we didn’t see shit and that was the only reason why i watched.


probably the main reason why i like shannen so much is because she has done so many tv movies and in the ones i’ve seen she is always always always the embattled heroine. love it. she may be batshit crazy (my favorite phrase as of late) and mean as hell, but she’s so sweet in the movies i’ve seen.

my favorite shannen movie would have to be “friends ‘til the end.” it is excellent because:

• it is always on
• shannen’s character is named heather
• there’s a crazy girl (not shannen) who finds “suzanne” to be entirely too long of a name
• marisol nichols is in this movie! (i don’t want to be marisol, i’m reasonably happy being me – but i want to look like her. she got a date with warrick on csi, though, so maybe it wouldn’t be awful being her...)
• there is a sweet-faced ben affleck-type in the movie who is apparently in the 1995 version of “my antonia” that i tivo’d a few weeks back and have yet to watch (starring neil patrick harris)
• that strange asian girl from “bring it on” is in this movie!
• singing!
• naughtiness!
• sorority!

and most importantly:

• i dig shannen’s hair in this movie

August 9, 2005


i don’t know why – since i don’t do color, after all – but i love love love marimekko prints. i can’t even write about them, i’m so choked up with love.

July 2, 2005

everybody said i'd leave you

i am a casual randy travis fan. really!

when i say casual, i mean i don’t know what he’s doing now, i’ve never seen him in concert or read an article about him. i know his wife is old, but that’s about it. i think my dad told me that. no idea why my dad would know something like that.

but i feel like i can call myself a fan because i own three albums of his – and yes, i am counting volumes one and two of his greatest hits as one album. we haven’t listened to these in a while, but yesterday cam happened to have a few songs on his ipod and we listened to them:

truth is lyin’ next to you
better class of losers
king of the road
a few ole country boys (duet with george jones)

(i got cam listening to randy, so you can’t blame him for this – even though he is descended from farm folk. har!)

such fun! so easy to sing along with! love it.

years ago – sheesh, late 80s? early 90s? – my mom and her sisters were helping my grandmother (the original packrat, i suspect) clear out her stuff. they said i could take what i wanted from the discard pile, so i picked out a frank sinatra double-cd set (“the capitol years”) and a randy travis tape (“always and forever”). now that i think about it, i may be conflating two instances of grandma-spring-cleaning. but in any case, i know that both came from her. but i digress.

that tape – as unfashionable as it may be in certain circles, including my own – is one of the most entertaining ones i’ve ever owned. so when my grandmother offered me another one (“no holdin’ back”), i jumped at it. that one isn’t as enjoyable for me, but it’s still got a few treasures on it.

early in our married life, cam and i had to go to his father’s little hometown for the sad occasion of his father’s brother’s funeral. we passed the time in between the service and the burial by sitting in a parking lot, listening to music. i don’t know how it happened, but we stopped at a station playing “forever and ever, amen” and i just started singing. jesus, that song had to be at least ten years old by then. i believe cam was initially repulsed, but soon he came to see the simple twangy goodness that is randy. we bought the best-of cds not too long afterwards.

it was nice to hear those old songs again. maybe it’s time to introduce them to paul?

June 16, 2005

i am ruining cam's image

a couple of years ago i considered myself (secretly, of course) pretty cool. sure, i had an office job, but that didn’t define me. we were young and reasonably hip. we had nice apartments. we played video games. we mostly listened to low-key indie singer/songwriter stuff. we enjoyed live music. we only drank imported beers. we eschewed the commonplace ketchup for mayonnaise with our fries. we liked eggplant on our pizza. we only ate unsalted butter. (because salt is for plebes, you know?) we smoked cloves. we read comic books.

but really, we were just shameless posers.

all it took was a bunch of guys – known as *nsync – to bring to the forefront our inner fangirlyness. with a vengeance.

we love boy bands. (i can see cam cringing.) the music, fun. the dancing, hysterical. we loved talking about justin and britney (and were sad when they broke up). i fell madly in love with ronan keating and his overwhelming ego – i know he’s not quite a boybander, but really, when one’s career takes off because of a band called boyzone, what can you do? (ooh, and we adored tiny gay stephen.) i started out listening to the backstreet boys, but eventually moved over to *nsync because they weren’t quite as painfully angsty. we even saw *nsync in concert. how embarrassing is that? we had to be the oldest people there… without preteen daughters, anyway. we have a plethora of albums. i even had to buy a second copy of a bb mak album after i lost the first – it was traumatic, you can see.*

but then the boy band phenomenon began to fade. we surrendered to the inevitable death (i had done this before, you know, with new kids on the block, so i was hardly unfamiliar with the process) and returned to our singer/songwriter roots. this is where, i think, music went kind of wrong for us. as much as we love the deep indie-ish stuff, it’s just not fun to sing. we’re not 22 and moody. we don’t wear graphic tees and shop at urban outfitters. we want music we can sing when we’ve had too much to drink. we want music we can belt while driving down the freeway with the sunroof open. we want music that is entertaining to see performed (there is only so much of the lone-person-on-a-stool-with-an-acoustic-guitar that one can stand). we want fun music.

now that the backstreet boys have a new album (which we own, thank you very much) i can feel that old boy band love coming back. yay! even with the overweening angsty-ness – which is still present, of course – it’s still so much fun. there always has to be room in the world for fun drunken-singing music.

*speaking of traumatic losings of albums, cam once had a cd that he remembered loving. didn’t know who it was. didn’t know the name of the album. didn’t know the names of any of the songs. didn’t know a damn thing other than the fact that the cd cover was YELLOW. jesu cristo. it had been stolen from a friend’s car in high school. every once in while, he’d bring up this wondrous yellow album and lament his loss. it was hilarious. one day while walking though the z gallerie at south coast plaza, cam got all excited because one of the songs from the mystery album was playing. i could hardly believe what i was hearing. it was “you think you know her” by cause and effect. cam had been mooning over cause and effect? i said, “hey, it’s cause and effect” and cam got so red and excited i thought he would keel over and die. we have since purchased another copy of “another minute.” cam listened to it once or twice. all that drama….

June 15, 2005

even though he can't sing

i love peyton manning. do not criticize him.



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