low foot clearance

x: are you ready for the meeting?
y: [silence]
x: the meeting's from 1-2.
y: [silence]
y: well, i'll be damned.

i take it that it is safe to say that you are not ready for the meeting?

posted by grace at 1:14 PM on 04/10/08
posted to overheard

paul: the funnel cloud moves over the texas panhandle...

posted by grace at 6:34 PM on 03/30/08
posted to mr. baby | overheard

"do you want to go on the maury povich show and get a paternity test to see if you're really the babydaddy?"

posted by grace at 9:20 AM on 02/ 8/08
posted to overheard

"i don't know how anyone can spend that much money on a purse."

i can. and sweet jesus, i would if i could.

posted by grace at 1:01 PM on 01/ 8/08
posted to overheard

x: what?
y: you just made me laugh.
x: that's my goal, man - to make you laugh.
x: that way you won't run away when you see me coming.

posted by grace at 3:37 PM on 11/30/07
posted to overheard

i've got several hot irons in the fire.

who talks like this?

posted by grace at 12:42 PM on 11/ 9/07
posted to overheard

x: okay, what don't i know?
y: hmph.
y: don't even get me started.

posted by grace at 7:40 PM on 10/31/07
posted to overheard

x: at least i don't live next door to a meth lab.
y: no, that meth lab is gone, thank you very much.
y: ...and the others that were near me have all exploded.

posted by grace at 1:15 PM on 10/25/07
posted to overheard

x: oh my god.
x: y, come here.
x: you have an email from MY mother.

posted by grace at 3:52 PM on 09/28/07
posted to overheard

x: that's why i didn't have a college fund.
x: my mother thought my dad would be dead before then.

posted by grace at 8:16 AM on 09/ 6/07
posted to overheard

x: it takes two people to be in a relationship.
y: not for some people!

posted by grace at 7:46 AM on 09/ 6/07
posted to overheard

cam: you think this looks like mommy?
paul: yes.

i had to investigate. they were looking at a poster of death of the endless (yes, cam does own such a poster).

me: thanks!

sweet paul. i wish i were that cute.

posted by grace at 9:06 PM on 08/ 3/07
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

cam: nuts do bad things to the people i love.
cam: that's why nuts are not my friends.
paul: but pizza is your friend?

posted by grace at 10:19 PM on 07/ 8/07
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

"let me go get the whipped cream."

it's not even 10:30 in the morning. whipped cream?

posted by grace at 10:27 AM on 06/14/07
posted to overheard

paul: i want tylenol, too!
cam: are you sick?
paul: i'm still a little sick.
paul: i have THOSE hiccups.
cam: THOSE hiccups? [laughing]
cam: you don't need tylenol for that.
cam: you can just have water for THOSE hiccups.

posted by grace at 8:35 PM on 03/25/07
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

paul: here comes trouble.
cam: are you trouble?
paul: [seriously] no.

posted by grace at 8:23 PM on 03/20/07
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

x: let's mate our dogs.
y: my dog's not like that.

posted by grace at 10:44 AM on 03/16/07
posted to overheard

at the theater:

x: i tried to be nice, but i'm leaving.
x: i can see why you don't have a ring on your finger.
x: you're a bitch.
y: why would i have a ring on my finger?
y: i'm a lesbian.
x: whatever.
x: you're such a bitch.
x: i'm leaving.

cam: what did i miss?

posted by grace at 9:58 PM on 02/25/07
posted to overheard

now that i have a dog, i just can't seem to work seven and a half hours.

posted by grace at 3:46 PM on 02/15/07
posted to overheard

that would be a good fight -- a t-rex and a minotaur.

posted by grace at 12:03 PM on 01/10/07
posted to overheard

x: [loud sneeze]
y, z: [laughter and indistinct conversation]
x: i do cover my mouth when i sneeze.
x: i can't help it if i sneeze loud.
y: yes, you can.
x: how?
y: cut your nose off.

posted by grace at 3:18 PM on 01/ 2/07
posted to overheard

paul: i am not good at guitar hero.
paul: you are good at it because you always win.
paul: and i don't win.
cam: that's okay.
cam: it is a big game for you.
cam: i think it is at least 8 and up.
cam: and you are only 3.

posted by grace at 9:02 PM on 01/ 1/07
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

x: it's a zero productivity day today!

for certain members of my department, it appears to be zero productivity day every fucking day.

posted by grace at 8:10 AM on 11/14/06
posted to overheard

x: i like benny hill, but i can't always understand what he says!
y: oh yeah, it can be hard to understand.
x: yeah, the accents...
y: but i like monty python, which is very dry, very sophisticated humor.
y: and sometimes people say to me, "why are you laughing? that wasn't even funny."

it always amuses me when people pat themselves on the back for their senses of humor. god knows i do it often enough.

posted by grace at 8:45 AM on 11/10/06
posted to overheard

x: i can see why [your husband] calls you the ball and chain.

posted by grace at 12:29 PM on 11/ 9/06
posted to overheard

x: did you vote?
y: no.
x: why?
y: i'm afraid to vote -- they will pull me into jury duty!

so funny. just this morning i told cam that if he votes, he'll get jury duty (he's never had to report). wonder how many people use that as an excuse to stay away from the polls?

posted by grace at 12:19 PM on 11/ 7/06
posted to overheard

x: we have errands to run.
y: we do?
y: oh yeah, we have to go to the atm.
y: what else?
x: we have to go [indistinct speech]
x: ... and we have to buy tissue.
y: wait, i don't want to go with you because you're sick!
x: if you don't come with me, i will touch you.
y: what?
y: if i do go with you...
x: i will not touch you.

posted by grace at 10:13 AM on 09/28/06
posted to overheard

it borders on the ridiculous. it just borders on the ridiculous.

it sounds like someone just learned a new phrase and is really enjoying the use of it.

posted by grace at 12:25 PM on 08/31/06
posted to overheard

x: still bowling?
y: yes, in fact last night i got 120.
y: so it's going up -- slowly.
y: still taking lessons.
x: good!
x: so you're keeping it over 100?
y: yes, yes.
y: for me, that's phenomenal.

what does this mean? i don't speak this strange language, bowling. yuck.

posted by grace at 12:02 PM on 08/18/06
posted to overheard

x: did your kids do the myspace on the computer?

i can't believe x is my age. do i sound that ancient?

posted by grace at 7:25 AM on 07/26/06
posted to overheard

x: ... and so ___ said that the colors were wrong and wanted me to fix them.
x: but i'm colorblind.
y: really?
x: yeah. so i wanted to say, "um, you want to check the colors, you might actually want to get someone who can see them..."

posted by grace at 1:55 PM on 06/29/06
posted to overheard

"i like my raccoon. kind of like my possum, too."

posted by grace at 12:24 PM on 04/21/06
posted to overheard

paul: [pointing at green-striped shirt] look!
cam: whose shirt is that?
paul: mommy!
cam: and what is mommy's name when she wears that shirt?
paul: steve!

posted by grace at 9:57 PM on 04/ 5/06
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

paul: look, look!
cam: what naughty thing are you doing now?
paul: standing!
cam: what are you standing on, your bed?
paul: fence.
cam: the fence? are you undecided?

posted by grace at 11:17 AM on 02/26/06
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

x: ... and i think she was a late bloomer.
y: huh?
x: if you take a look at her tatas between [this movie] and [that movie], they are significantly bigger.

posted by grace at 11:28 AM on 02/21/06
posted to overheard

"i may be a kid, but i know my [adrienne] barbeau."

posted by grace at 12:04 PM on 02/ 4/06
posted to overheard

x: you mean horses go to those shows and do all that work and don't get any flowers? i think i'd complain.
y: nope, just a piece of silk ribbon.
x: no flowers?
y: who wants dead cut flowers?

posted by grace at 11:51 AM on 02/ 3/06
posted to overheard

while watching google video:

paul: like it!
cam: you like watching people burn books?

posted by grace at 7:19 PM on 02/ 1/06
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

x: [on phone] y said that i was supposed to notify you if his desk thing is stuck under the desk. the desk thing. the plastic desk thing.
x: [calling out to y in his office] y, is there anything else you want to tell them? i have the man on the phone.
z: [randomly walking by x's desk] you're talking to THE man? what does he sound like?

posted by grace at 4:04 PM on 01/27/06
posted to overheard

cam: do you want to spin? walking sideways isn't going to make you dizzy.

posted by grace at 8:08 PM on 01/25/06
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

watching blue's clues.

joe: ... what is the first letter of your name?
paul: [silence]
cam: what is the first letter of your name?
paul: apple!
cam: apple paul, huh? what is the first letter of joe's name?
paul: apple!
cam: apple joe! so... you two have the same first name?

posted by grace at 6:54 AM on 01/ 4/06
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

"all the secretaries are safe because we can't afford to eat there."
(re: recent hepatitis a outbreak at cafe pinot in downtown los angeles)

posted by grace at 4:23 PM on 12/12/05
posted to overheard

"you mean you never got your hair sucked into a hair dryer by accident?"

posted by grace at 3:57 PM on 11/23/05
posted to overheard

"it's not your retro, it's my retro."

posted by grace at 2:31 PM on 11/22/05
posted to overheard

one: did you have a good halloween?
two: yes, i did. did you throw candy at the kids?
one: we ran out of candy, so we...
two: how did you run out of candy?
one: long story. so we started giving them chex mix...
two: kids won't take unwrapped...
one: no, these were...
two: oh, you mean individually wrapped little packages.
one: yes. and they liked them. i didn't expect that.
two: everyone loves chex mix!

don't they sound like a commercial?

posted by grace at 12:26 PM on 11/ 1/05
posted to overheard

one: been listening to "man of la mancha." it's surprisingly poppy for a '50s musical.
two: i don't think i've heard it.
one: there's a surprisingly good movie version with peter o'toole.
two: oh, that would be why. i'm not a fan of his.
one: what?
two: yeah, i know, i'm in the minority.
one: [fake british accent] i don't think i can associate with you any longer!
two: i think he overacted and overdid it.
one: if i were going to be stranded in a bar, it would have to be with either richard burton or peter o'toole.
two: oh, i don't think richard burton overdid things.

i have a headache. i need to close my door.

update: i mentioned this conversation to my assistant and he said, "funny, i was just listening to man of la mancha on my ipod." dear god. what planet have i landed on?

posted by grace at 8:20 AM on 10/27/05
posted to overheard

cam: do you want a pop[sicle]?
paul: ha-ha-ha
cam: you want a pop?
paul: ha-ha-ha
cam: say yes...
paul: [signing "yes"]

why does my son have an aversion to that word?

posted by grace at 12:15 PM on 09/16/05
posted to mr. baby | overheard

cam: dad is not a horse. dad is not for spurring. no spurring of dad.

posted by grace at 1:22 AM on 07/ 9/05
posted to cam | mr. baby | overheard

overheard in the bathroom at work:

“having two days off in a row feels almost like a whole week’s vacation!”

reason #7562 i am not an attorney. ugh.

posted by grace at 12:31 PM on 06/19/05
posted to overheard