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June 27, 2010

romper room

a few weeks back i saw a pretty young lady in the most awful outfit -- a khaki strapless cargo romper, knee-high black suede boots and heavy liquid liner to match. from far away, i thought she might be naked (and oddly shaped), but common sense told me that such get-up might be inappropriate for the mall.

i know i dressed poorly when i was young, but jesu maria, even when i'm not looking through the mommy lens (omg, what will MY daughter be wearing to the mall when she's that age?) i can still tell when something looks stupid.

April 17, 2010

banana

sometimes i read stuff white people like and i feel a little embarrassed because i have to actually look at my arms to confirm that i'm not white.

yes, i like conan. yes, i listened to a little bob marley in college. yes, i have wanted a vespa. yes, i mock people wearing ed hardy. yes, i wore wayfarers (back in the early 90s, though). um, yes, i eat hummus? (well, that's more a side effect of beng vegetarian with access to farmer's markets than anything else. but still!)

i'm perfectly fine not having a true ethnic identity, i suppose.

April 13, 2010

profoundly inappropriate

my newly married assistant was filling in my single assistant on the details of his wedding and my attire to said wedding:

x: everybody loved those shoes.
x: and the dress...
x: let me just say that i didn't know our boss had legs.

!!!

February 28, 2010

two dresses

bought two dresses on sale from anthropologie.com. wonder of wonders, i might actually keep both -- that doesn't happen very often. i still have a pile of things to return to lands end.

my mother REALLY likes one of the dresses.

the other one, she doesn't so much. of course, that's the one i like better.

me: i think this dress is actually kind of hot.
nola: hot!
nola: hot?
nola: hot!
me: yes, it's hot.

yesterday she explained that she didn't think it fit very well, which sent me into agonies of self-doubt and misery. should i exchange it for a bigger size?

cam: if that means it'll be longer, then no.

yawn

me: apparently i gave up sleep for lent.
cam: no, you gave up sleep for 2010.

February 26, 2010

peeking behind the veil

what passes for strength of will and strong convictions might actually be apathy or inertia (or forgetfulness).

for example, you should see the looks i get when i tell people that my decade-plus commitment to meatless eating was initially fueled by curiosity and then continued out of habit.

February 25, 2010

somewhere, pigs are flying

certain people at work are taking an interest in my welfare and are expressing concern about my late hours. amazing.

February 20, 2010

gray, part two

speaking of "questionable," why on earth would nordstrom consider a sandal with a lucite heel a good "wear to work" option? it may be a "chunky" lucite heel, but lucite is still lucite. a "stripper with poor balance" shoe doesn't strike me as properly business casual.

consider gray as an option

am in the middle of completing a mandatory workplace harassment prevention training seminar (online, thankfully) for work. i'm learning that i'm pretty trigger-happy when it comes to defining harassment. yikes. i need to remember that not everything can be labeled appropriate or inappropriate from the get-go -- "questionable" is a valid categorization.

February 9, 2010

how many stages are there in a conference call?

seconds after a conference call ends, the phone rings. it's one of the participants.

x: i started to zone out at the end -- did i miss anything?
me: no.
x: good.
x: when i heard "think outside the box," i thought, "oh, we've reached the platitude stage so we must be wrapping up."

so true.

January 30, 2010

almost a month late

how can it already be almost the end of january? i'm still getting used to the idea of 2010! i am finding it very scary how quickly time is passing...

January 27, 2010

neither term is attractive

i love how houndstooth appears to be called dogtooth in the uk.

January 22, 2010

fried-day

toyed with the idea of working with home today, but it didn't work out.

just as well, i had a meeting. (i hate friday meetings.)

but i promised myself i'd take monday off -- and i notified my dept so that i couldn't get out of it. i only mentioned the funeral to four people, and three of them were amazed (two were mad) that i only took off one bereavement day. but monday will be a vacation day because i have plenty of benefit time to spare.

(my mom told me that the mortuary offered death confirmation forms (i don't know what the hell they call them) to get people out of work. my cousins were all about that. the service rep asked if anyone else needed one -- my mom thought, "whatever, grace doesn't need that." i'm not sure why... because i wouldn't take off five days? or because i AM the boss and i don't need to prove to anyone that someone died? either way, she was right, i guess.)

not sure what was in the air, but people were very talkative today. drove me mad. how am i supposed to get anything done with people plopping down in my visitors' chairs all day long? my assistant was right -- i need "the doctor is in" signs and a pick-a-number dispenser on the door.

it was a busy, busy day. cam didn't pick me up until almost six (with kids in tow) and he still had to wait a little bit. so glad that it's over and i have a three-day weekend ahead of me.

January 14, 2010

massive overgeneralizations and stereotypes

i realized in the shower today that -- based on a lifetime of literature, a little tv and a decade of minor interactions with a foreign office -- my parents were quintessentially british.

stiff upper lip, check. discomfort when confronted with strong emotion and/or emotional events, check. fast speech, check. somewhat negative teeth situation, check.

too bad they weren't actually british. it would have explained a lot of my childhood.

December 31, 2009

nye at the old folks' home

sitting up with a tired cam, a wired paul and a sleeping nola. part of me can't wait until midnight so that paul will go to sleep and maybe i can swap my coffee for a glass of port. but part of me can't wait until midnight so that i can go to sleep, too.

field trip day

skipped out on work a bit early today to accompany the family to the discovery science center in santa ana. it was a good break, even if i was checking my blackberry every few minutes. (cam's office has been closed all week, so the fam has been on museum mode for the past several days.) paul likes it there a lot, and i think nola enjoyed herself, even though the place isn"t really structured for toddlers. my mom was with us, and she was kind of amazed that such a kid-centric environment existed. right. my childhood was clearly all porn, hookers and blow.

they went to the aquarium of the pacific a few days before. i suspect i would have liked that better, but this was fun. i'm just glad i was able to accompany them on at least one trip.

December 27, 2009

musicality

a few weeks ago, nola got really excited about a commercial for little tikes pop star instruments (or whatever it is they're called). she stood up, pointed and kept saying, "wook! wook!" since she doesn't normally react to that sort of thing, i took that to mean that she might appreciate such things for christmas.

cam picked up the keyboard for her. i wrapped it without really paying too much attention.

today i realized it was playing "love shack." in confusion, i pulled out the box (which had already been flattened in preparation for next week's trash/recycling pick-up). then i went to the kitchen to point out to cam that this toy was supposed to play the songs that *we* grew up with. huh? "wide open spaces" (dixie chicks), "hot hot hot" (buster poindexter), "all star" (smashmouth), "abc" (jackson 5) and "love shack"? i guess i grew up alongside these songs (well, "abc" predates me a bit), but i don't consider them to be old friends or anything like that. odd, very odd.

December 26, 2009

stuck

i know it's time to start the thank you cards, but i'm currently paralyzed by the sheer amount of stuff in my living room.

family gatherings

we went to a family party today -- blood-distant/geographically-close relations on my father's side.

i had thought last year would be our last year to attend. it sounds awful, but we went last year because my aunt was in really bad health and i thought it would be her last (and alas, it was). but this year when the invite came, i decided we should go because the kids might enjoy the kid-full gathering (nola did, but paul didn't). it's a little bit funny, though. my mom and i have been trying to get out of this party almost ever since my dad died -- when was that, 11 years ago?

it was nice to see my cousins, aunts and uncles and all the kids. i'm not really close to any of them at this point (one is a lifelong rival, one used to be my absolute favorite cousin), but i do like seeing them. am not sure if i want to do this again next year. i pretty much dreaded it up until the moment we walked in the door. it was fine and we did have a pretty good time (and oh my god, the haul!), but we're just not party people. after the kids opened their gifts, they headed to the family room to watch movies. the adults stayed behind to play a gift exchange game. we didn't participate, but we watched them for a bit. at one point cam whispered, "is this what adults do?" um, yeah. not our thing.

don't hold me to this, though. chances are we'll be back next year.

December 23, 2009

a parent's whine

why are my coworkers giving me gifts for my kids? most of them have never even met them. don't i deserve a gift or two anymore?

December 16, 2009

unpleasant truths

i've noticed that each year i'm a little bit less prepared for christmas than i was the year before. my card isn't done -- we started taking pictures, but i'm not sure THE picture is in there. my shopping isn't done, not even close (barely finished my own wishlist for cam and his parents). have i even wrapped any gifts?

i used to create an upwards of a hundred christmas party-favoresque things for work friends. i used to start my shopping in september or october. setting up the tree was never my strong suit, but i thought we were usually got it ready closer to thanksgiving than to christmas.

when did i become such a holiday slacker?

December 14, 2009

evidence

this morning i thought i didn't fall back asleep after making paul's lunch and getting his stuff ready for school, but the drooly pillow told me otherwise.

December 12, 2009

tree-picker

we finished decorating the christmas tree this morning (at least i think it's finished) -- it's actually been up for a week (since last sunday), but i didn't really work on it myself until today.

our tree is amusingly bare on the bottom third. at first i thought it was just paul concentrating his efforts at eye level and whereabouts, but i realized the truth when i caught nola yanking stuff off the tree and throwing it to the ground. do most people gate off the tree or something to avoid this?

December 8, 2009

blind leading the blind

just had two employees in my office complaining about a supposedly limited distribution email -- an invitation to a lunch that they thought was office-wide.

turns out that the person laughing at the others for not receiving it hadn't realized that the email went out YESTERDAY (after she left for the day). i brought this to their attention. upon further research, those supposedly left out were able to locate the email.

z: that's why she makes the big bucks!

good grief. there are so many things that i could say.

December 3, 2009

there's only one everything

i sort of feel like i am balancing a thousand dishes on my head. one false move and crash! hell and broken crockery will rain down on my life. between projects for every department but my own, i'm finding that stolen moments of quiet (like now) should really, really be treasured.

of course, i did play it off lightly to my boss.

me: when [project X] ended, it went DEAD.
me: i didn't know what to do.
me: i lost all purpose for... a few minutes!
him: [laughing] a few minutes, huh?
me: yeah, that was about all the downtime i could stand.

i think i lie most convincingly. my mom says i thrive on pressure, but this? (my mom also didn't think that we could joke about the presence of swine flu in our household, but duh, nothing is sacred but certain dead relatives.)

on a lighter note, i learned yesterday that when a certain person said, "that's your chair" (gesturing to a visitor chair in his office), he meant it. my assistant had to spend some time in that person's office and noticed that he had printed out my name and picture off the firm intranet (in color, no less -- where's the color printer?) and taped it to the chair. my chair, indeed.

him: i TOLD you that was your chair.
me: yes, you did, but...

the funny thing is that i don't think i have ever sat in that chair. when i come by to chat, i stand in the doorway. guess it's an invitation?

November 30, 2009

here's an idea

how about this:

rather than get all self-loathingy and pissed off/depressed because you hate letting me down, why don't you try NOT LETTING ME DOWN for a change?

novel, eh?

November 28, 2009

gray saturday

today nola and i went shopping with my mother. then we met up with cam and paul for lunch, and we went with them while my mother kept an appointment with her financial consultant.

got a coat at anthropologie. i was pretty reluctant to actually buy it because 1) i don't really NEED a new coat, and 2) it was a little pricey, even on sale, but cam (fed up with over a decade of dithering*) issued an ultimatum.

cam: if you don't buy it, i will never take you shopping again.

so i bought it. it's very cute. and we bought a doorknob. what a weird store anthropologie is.

*by the way, last night i picked up a reversible puffer vest at target. i futzed until cam pointed out, "you're going to talk yourself out of $7.50? really?"

November 25, 2009

unfamiliar dining experience

yesterday a bigwig took me to lunch. it was lovely and fancy and it amused me to think that the daughter of a guy who worked hotel maintenance was having a leisurely lunch at a place that refused admittance to jews as recently as the 80s. good lord. it was like walking backwards in time -- but not my time, clearly.

November 19, 2009

half and half

i realized something today:

why do i persist in buying pants with a 30" inseam? i know i like to wear heels, but... i'm just under 60" without them. suddenly my pants length sounds ridiculous.

November 15, 2009

prioritizing sunday

ended up folding laundry and starting a new load. then i went to paul's room to clearing up a little without his interference. (the other day, my mom said that kids don't have respect for their stuff when "you keep buying and buying." i was a little stung. look, lady, it's not just us, he has other family, and YOU would totally buy him more stuff if you knew more about his interests!) nola woke up while i was in paul's room, so i brought her in there to fiddle around while i worked in there. she was fine puttering around by herself for the most part, but then she became really clingy and i had to carry her. then i unloaded the dishwasher.

cam's awake now, so i guess i can "start" my day.

poor sense of priority

paul is sleeping over at his grandparents' house, cam and nola are still asleep. it's nice and quiet, and the perfect opportunity to go back to bed or sit on the couch and veg. yet why do i feel like i should either go do some laundry or work?

November 13, 2009

bad luck day

i peeped my head out from the fog i've been inhabiting to realize that it's friday the 13th. how did i not see that one coming?

November 6, 2009

crisis of management

people at work are in really good moods. i should just enjoy it, but they are getting a little loud. should i intervene? damned if they're happy, damned if they're unhappy.

November 2, 2009

midday meal

my newest employee started today. that's two mondays in a row that i've had to go out for lunch. (i had another employee start here last monday -- but she actually started a month ago in another country.) i hate going out for lunch on workdays -- who has time?

but we did have a very nice lunch... even if i did leave my sunglasses behind at the restaurant.

October 9, 2009

workplace

lately work has been all about the highs and lows. sometimes i love my job, sometimes i despise it, sometimes i lie in bed and cry. at least i can say that nowadays it is never dull.

October 7, 2009

dressing for the seasons

it's been hitting me in the mornings (as i stand sleepily in the closet) that i don't have much in the way of cold-weather clothes. the last two years i have added significantly to my tank top/sleeveless top collection without corresponding gains in the sweater department. it's kind of funny because once upon a time i only wanted sweaters and sweatshirts and assorted bulky items. i don't know if it's a style thing or a body thing or an aging thing -- whatever. all i know is that it feels like fall and i am FREEZING.

October 3, 2009

confessions of a shopaholic

today cam, paul and cam's dad went to the miramar air show.

i mentioned it to a friend yesterday: "what a fun guy thing!" he exclaimed.

so nola and i did a fun girl thing -- we went shopping with my mom. ended up getting a cute black skirt suit and a pretty bright pink (i KNOW!) dress. i've actually been shopping like a fiend lately (since i no longer pump at work, i'm ALWAYS on the lookout for cute dresses nowadays)... but i still need to say that these were pretty sweet deals. (my mom ended up paying for them because she used her store credit card for additional savings, so i need to pay her back.) i'm tired of feeling like in this economy we all need to live in sackcloth and ashes. goddammit, the stores are feeling the pinch, too, and somebody's got to take advantage of these recession-era prices...

interesting note: they are putting an h&m at del amo mall! as i told cam, i saw the familiar red lettering and i completely lost my shit. that's really the best description i can think of for my behavior. we're talking total disorientation. if i had been carrying nola in my arms instead of in my hip carrier, i would have dropped her.

no lunch

things at work have been really hectic. there have been a lot of changes in procedure and staffing.

in related news, i unintentionally dropped a dress size in three weeks. yay, stress!

September 21, 2009

cheeze

even though i've been a vegetarian for many, many years, my recent purchase of nutritional yeast made me feel like i was just starting out in that world. i've looked for it in stores off and on for years with no luck, but one day i just shrugged and ordered a box of bob's red mill via amazon. this stuff is wild.

September 6, 2009

out and about and out again

yesterday was a tremendously eventful day. busy busy busy. i can't have too many days like that or i'd be even more of a wreck than i am now.

in the morning, we went to the farmer's market with my mom to buy flowers to take to the cemetery. nola and i went with my mother to the flower stall while cam and paul bought fruit. it was hot and crowded and cam and i both got very stressed. i was glad to leave. (amusingly enough, we ran into our next-door neighbors. the husband commented on cam's rather hirsute appearance, saying he looked a bit like keanu reeves. i smirked internally. personally i think cam looks more like bo brady (at least in the 80s-90s... dunno if he still looks like that), but i see where my neighbor was going with the comparison.)

then we went to the cemetery. it's important to note that my mom doesn't like to drive if she can avoid it -- and as a non-driver, i understand -- so she was squished in the backseat between paul's high-backed booster and nola's rearfacing infant seat. (we had to take her pt cruiser because our a3 isn't big enough for three in the backseat AT ALL.) she never wants to sit up front if cam's driving, so she insists on sitting in the back even though it would be less of a squeeze for me back there. nola fell asleep on the way and continued to snooze upon arrival, so cam stayed in the car with her. paul had picked out a bouquet of flowers "to plant," he declared (note that we had already bought the flowers and they were waiting in the car by this time, so it was just one more thing to be stressed out about -- hurry up and let's go!), so he came with us to the gravesite. cam let him run across the street unattended -- it was a cemetery, after all -- and i questioned cam, but ultimately it didn't matter because no one was coming. part way through the flower arranging, paul got bored, so i escorted him back to the car. he then decided he wanted to come back to us, so he "helped" us out by rearranging flowers and cutting some very short. i then refused to play because 1) i was still dealing with flowers and 2) we were in a cemetery for chrissakes, so i brought my sulky little boy back to the car. my mother got very stressed.

on the way to the cemetery, cam and i had joked about test-driving a bigger car (this topic had actually come up about a week prior) afterwards. well, after we left the cemetery, that's exactly what we did. paul was reluctant, so cam convinced him of the fun of it. then cam got cold feet, but paul really wanted to go. har. so cam test-drove his big car of choice at the moment, a ford flex (which he partially likes because it looks like a giant mini cooper). we were initially going to all go on the drive, but then i thought maybe nola, my mom and i would stay behind. but then paul wanted cam to sit with him, so i decided to tag along to give paul a traveling companion (and to let cam focus on the car). oh, how nola wailed when i handed her to my mother...

the drive was nice. cam seemed impressed and paul LOVED it. we sat in the third row and paul was the happiest little test-driver in the world. he wouldn't stop talking -- we were, he said, in a big airplane with cupholders and storage for toys. if we pushed certain spots on the car, things would happen. i asked him, "can we do anything to help the people up front?" he told me to push a spot on the window while he did the same on his side.

me: what was that for?
him: it made cupholders pop out in the front.
me: oh, how nice.

after the test-drive, we drove to a local mall for lunch. i was thinking food court, but cam convinced paul to let us go to cpk because i had been wanting to go there (grilled vegetable salad, yum). turned out cam needed to bribe paul with a ride in a $7 (!) rental double stroller shaped like a fire truck. lunch was beyond stressful. nola nibbled crayons, paul pouted. nola screamed, paul climbed around on the bench seat. nola rubbed food on my shorts. a table of pretty young girls in their 20s looked over at us while i shoveled food in my mouth while trying to keep nola from crawling on the table.

i've had finer moments.

after lunch, we walked about the mall with our expensive rental stroller. the kids were happy (even nola, the hater of strollers), but i was embarrassed to be walking a mall with that monstrosity. i can struggle with a car cart in a grocery store, but a mall? ugh. i then took my mom into nordstrom, abandoning cam with the kids, and we hit the shoes, then the petite section. i ended up buying two dresses, a wrap and a sheath with elbow-length sleeves. now that i'm not pumping anymore, i love my dresses. i wasn't sold on one of them (the sheath), but i wanted to show cam before just saying no to it completely. besides, my mom would have been disgruntled if i didn't get that one because that was the one she liked better. (cam ended up liking that one better, too, but he liked the wrap as well.) my mom didn't like anything she tried on, so she left with the same amount of money she brought in.

after the mall we finally went home. i fed nola and we took a brief nap while cam filled up an inflatable pool in the backyard. when nola awoke, we got in the pool. it was freezing, so we didn't stay in too long. then we took quick showers and went to whole foods for groceries and dinner.

the kids got to bed really late. cam and i intended to stay up and have some wine, but we were completely bushed and fell asleep. sleep of the just, i say.

September 3, 2009

kinship

yesterday i felt officially OLD. REALLY OLD.

i was trading some emails with an unfamiliar employee. i asked her to interoffice me a document. it had not arrived yet by the next morning, so i told her that the mail can be a little slow and that i would let her know when it finally showed up. she wrote back "great. thanks!" and i thought i was done.

but no. she wrote back a few minutes later:

btw, GO BEARS! (class of '06)

:)

i managed to write back something cute (like "yay! go bears!") but inside i was dying. later i pointed out to a similarly-aged friend: "when she was graduating from college, i had already been working here for eight years."

good golly.

August 31, 2009

faster than a speeding bullet

some people can fall in and out of love faster than others can jump to conclusions. haven't figured out if it's a blessing or a curse. guess it all depends on how many wedding invites i get.

angel on my shoulder

apparently i underestimated my influence over one of my assistants. (the other one is snarky and disrespectful, something i sigh about in public and chuckle/tear my hair out about in private.)

he told me about a conversation he had yesterday with his mother. (!)

his mother: you are FINALLY listening to that little voice in your head.
him: you mean grace?

August 26, 2009

verminator

a coworker was telling me how her husband was really mad at her because she had accidentally killed some crickets when she sprayed for ants in her backyard.

me: crickets?
me: were they like pets or something?
x: [calling out from a nearby office] did i hear you say you killed crickets?
y: yep.
x: you bitch!

August 25, 2009

milkstone

today was my very last day of pumping at work. i can give the motor to paul to play with, i can save some of the bottles for nola's future baby dolls, i can turn the pump bag into a tote. one full year of stress, missed lunches and easy-access tops is now over. i can retire the do-not-disturb sign on my office doorknob. i can wear dresses to work.

now i will rely solely on morning, night and weekend breastfeeding to keep my supply up. i'm a little nervous about what lies ahead. how much longer will nola be interested in nursing? i'm not ready to wean...

August 24, 2009

a minute

while i was away from the office last week, i had one of my assistants distribute a report for me. one of my coworkers told me this morning he had teased him about his timing.

x: when grace sends out the report, i get it at 5:01.
x: but you, i didn't get it until 5:02.
my assistant: well, that's why she's the boss.

i work with a bunch of dorks. lovable dorks, yes, but a dork is a dork is a dork.

August 19, 2009

leggo my lego

blogging from legoland! exciting.

our time here got off to a bit of a rocky start -- the drive was great, quiet and low on traffic, by the way -- because paul was really cranky. he refused rides, whined, fussed and generally was a pain in the ass. for a while there i thought we'd have to abort and return home. (i tried to get cam to take a short walk without us so he could cool off, but he declined.) but things improved, and now he and cam are playing in the build and test room while i sit here in the shade with a sleeping nola. (nola wore herself out in the water park area. she, unlike her big brother, seems to enjoy getting wet.)

tonight and tomorrow night we'll stay in a local hotel, then back home on friday. tomorrow will be a full-on paul kind of day -- the air and space museum, the fleet science center and some kind of a museum on an aircraft carrier. wonder if i can sneak in some outlet shopping or time by the pool?

August 17, 2009

and preschooler makes three (kids)

today someone offered me an extra child.

"no, thanks," i said. "i have two of my own and they already fight, so the idea of throwing another one into the mix COMPLETELY freaks me out."

August 16, 2009

muffed

made unimpressive blueberry muffins this morning. will not be using that recipe again without major tweaks. but paul seems to be enjoying them, so at least these won't go to waste.

August 12, 2009

alternatives

since i had my mirena removed, my period and all of the accompanying irritations have returned. last night i mentioned to cam that i was considering a diva cup. after, what, 20+ years of pads and tampons, i thought it might be time to try something different. a lot of mothers on my parenting board are using the diva cup or something similar, and they all seem to love it.

cam: but it's a cup.
cam: A. CUP.
cam: come on, it's a CUP!
cam: oh, do whatever granola thing you want to do.

i felt so ridiculed, but it was my fault. sometimes i need a better self-edit on my mouth. oh well.

August 7, 2009

why yes, yes it was

yesterday, i told my assistant, people were having an attack of the stupids.

i asked a coworker to see if it was contagious.

me: did people in your department seem unusually stupid yesterday?
him: [chuckle] unusually?
me: people in mine certainly were.
him: that's a loaded question.
him: they're usually stupid, but unusually, no.
him: maybe it was a full moon last night.

July 27, 2009

tiredest place on earth

disneyland is not for the faint of heart nor the flat of foot -- nor for parents of children either unable to walk or simply not desirous to do so. oh, our aching bodies!

but i think the kids had a good time, so it worth it. paul was not particularly ride-inclined and eventually ended up in a stroller (bless the disney machine for their high weight limits on their rental strollers AND the free stroller rental courtesy of their credit card), but there was enough to look at to keep him and his sister occupied.

thank you, cam's uncle, for the free adult tickets! you saved us more money than I fully appreciated at the time. it was bad enough spending crazy amounts of cash on food and drinks -- the additional cost of admission would have made my head spin.

July 12, 2009

we're not paying you for that

we had a new house alarm system put in.

one of the installers commented to cam on my appearance (he only saw me for a second while i was carting the kids over to my mom's house) and put my age in the mid-20s. flattering, but how tacky of him!

July 10, 2009

fruitless meetings

i love my assistants, but both of them in one room = BAD idea. i cannot even believe some of the tangents we followed. of course, it's not like they were prepared for this meeting. you should have seen the face one of them made when i asked if they had any thoughts on the topic. it reminded me -- and i told them this -- of a meeting i had attended earlier in the week. there were five of us in la and two in sf via vid. the original plan was to put a set of specs up on the screen, but i guess there were some problems reconciling the content with the vid conference app (which i totally don't understand because surely other meetings have required both) so they had to scrap the content part. the meeting organizer said, hey, well, people will bring their own copies. when we were all seated, it turned out that two of the three others in la did not have their own copies. in fact, when asked if they had even reviewed them, one looked away. (i bit back a laugh and studied my own copy.) just sad. funny, but sad.

i think we ended up talking for almost an hour, but i'm not sure what about. there was about 10 minutes of work-talk and 45+ of inside jokes and random stories. i swear, one guy manages to work in his girlfriend into every conversation. i mean, i do appreciate a man who loves his woman, but good grief. i eventually shooed them away because others were waiting to talk to me.

one of the guys dropped by on his way out and said he would give the topic some thought over the weekend. he said he'd write stuff down and talk to me on monday. then he claimed that the meeting went the way it did because it's friday. i didn't have the heart to tell him, "dude, you two are like that every day."

disloyalty in the workplace

i am in the midst of a work dilemma.

my boss' new boss called me a few days ago. we spoke for about 45 minutes -- or rather, he talked for 40 minutes and i managed to get about five minutes in edgewise. he went on and on about his soapbox (technology is our friend; let's move into the current century). he talked about personal goals and work goals and "where do you see yourself in five years?" he talked about what others thought about my dept's main application (that we designed ourselves). he talked about meeting up in august (mentioning my boss like an afterthought). he talked about his open-door policy and "off the record" conversations. he said he'd call next week and to please think about what he talked about. i said okay, hung up and rubbed my ear.

so.

the more i thought about it, the less comfortable i became. it's probably just timing (boss on vacation), but i feel like i'm in a precarious spot. even though i'm not particularly fond of my boss, the idea of potentially selling him down the river really does not sit well with me. i feel like the new boss wants dirt and is thinking perhaps that i'll be the snitch. i did initially think i'd be okay with that idea, but maybe i'm not. i'm afraid that when my boss gets back and hears about all this talking, he might think that i went over his head when really his boss went... under his. but it is probably just timing and it is just my overactive imagination and overinflated sense of workself ("single point of failure since 1998!"). when i told cam i didn't want to be disloyal to my boss, he pointed out that my boss doesn't exactly have my best interests at heart. "eff 'em," he said.

but the boss and i have been working together for a long time. this new boss, i've known his name for years, but we only just met in march in dc (he won the same award i did). he came down to la for a few days and we had a meeting or two, but we didn't really get a chance to talk until he called me. what are his goals? what are his motives? where do i fit into his schemes? where does my boss fit?

i don't know. i just don't know.

July 9, 2009

happy at last

one of my good friends at work is on a trip to visit his boyfriend. after almost six years of listening to his dating misadventures and lonelyboy rants, i'm a little unsure how to deal with his newly minted relationship bliss. i'm happy for him, sure, but this is new ground!

July 6, 2009

office

back to work after a long weekend. i hate it when "oh, thank god i'm back at work" collides with "how can a long weekend be so short?" i always have this sinking feeling that i've missed something...

July 4, 2009

kid music

a long time ago i read a thread on a parenting message board about the kind of "grown-up" music that their children enjoy. i thought about this again recently when we were in the car with the kids and i realized that we almost never listen to our music. nope, it's the wiggles. or it's they might be giants ("123s" or "abcs" or "no!" not "flood.") or -- as we've been playing the last two days -- the dora the explorer soundtrack. cam seems perfectly happy (as long as we're not playing a raffi cd), but i sigh (silently) at almost every kiddie song. would it damage the children to listen to something not specifically recorded for their age group?

July 3, 2009

in with the fix, out with the cash

our awnings were finished and installed two weeks ahead of schedule. they look great, but of course, now everything else looks a little shabby. our next project will have to involve a little more elbow grease, a little less contractor assistance. i'm thinking repainting the railings.

it's been a rough few weeks money-wise. as soon as we paid the deposit for the awnings, we had a plumbing emergency to the tune of $2K+. and then the car was in the shop twice... i'm glad we got the awnings done, but it seems to have triggered a chain reaction that we could have done without.

June 29, 2009

a new start or more of the same?

my boss announced late last week that he has a new boss. what kind of changes are in store for us?

June 28, 2009

re facebook

it pleases me to know that people have grown ugly or plump or just plain aged. so much more interesting than staying exactly the same ("you haven't changed in x years!").

June 26, 2009

grownup

one of my assistants pointed out the difference between him and me:

him: when i walk into your office, i do get the feeling that you are definitely an adult.
him: and i definitely am not.
me: um, thanks.
me: enjoy it.
him: oh i do... every. single. day.

dude. when did i get so old? he's older than i am, but i am so... boringly suburban. (plus i am his supervisor, so i can see how that might be a factor.) after i spent a bit of the day looking at old pictures and talking about past experiences, i really am feeling a hundred years old. i was cool and adventurous once, right?

June 18, 2009

today's activities

am home today -- had the mirena removed this morning, and we'll be leaving shortly for a kindergarten performance at paul's school (i baked two dozen mini vegan chocolate cupcakes to send along... wonder how many will come home with us?). i've been checking work email and it's been relatively trouble-free so far. i hope all hell doesn't break loose this afternoon.

June 17, 2009

lack of [birth] control

after having it for just under a year, i will be having my mirena iud removed tomorrow morning.

in the beginning, i thought it was fab. and it was fab. i sucked at taking the pill, so this no-stress/no-maintenance little thing was just up my alley. i was also never particularly fond of my period, so the idea of not really having one sold me.

but a few months back, i realized that i wasn't so happy. i could live with the spotting, but the itch? a bumpy rash in an unmentionable place? not so good. but the itch and the rash went away after just a day or so, so i didn't think too much of it.

but they came back, and came back for longer amounts of time each instance. the itching moved from nights-only to all-day discomfort. (as a former eczema sufferer, i am extremely proficient at scratching in my sleep -- so all that effort wasted on not scratching during the day was negated by even just five minutes of unconsciousness.) the spotting increased in frequency and got heavier. my skin hovered between "teenage" and "pregnant" levels of pimpliness. i felt bloated and sore. sex? riiight. don't even look at me that way.

after the most recent bout of misery, i finally admitted to myself that this wasn't working, and i told cam. i wasn't sure what he would say, but i was really glad he didn't even try to talk me out of it. (again -- sex? like he was going to tell me to keep it after i said i was suffering from a decreased sex drive.) so i emailed my doctor, and within a few hours i had an appointment.

cam told me to document my symptons here so that we can see how long it takes for them to clear up. i don't really know how much is actually caused by the mirena, but it'll be interesting to see what actually goes away.

June 13, 2009

appetitekiller

tuesday cam left work early because he felt sick. wednesday morning i was on the floor in tears because i had the same stomach bug. (i slept/worked/slept/worked until about 4:30, then called it a day.) was better enough by thursday to go back to work, but was slammed so hard by calls, emails and paper that i wished i hadn't bothered. everything returned to normal by friday. what a week.

June 8, 2009

a parent's request

no matter how much you love your children, there is invariably a moment during a weekend when you will think:

when can i go back to work?

June 6, 2009

scrunch

one thing i've noticed about old pictures is that i often have a particular smile that is kind of silly. my nose is scrunched a little, my eyes are practically slits and my gums show too much. clearly i look happy, but it's not the best look. since i'm not really an attractive person, i don't really like the fact that i was photographed so often with this funny face. i mean, jeez, help me out a bit.

but -- like i said -- i look happy. and i am a little startled by the dearth of pictures i have now with this particular expression. the last one i can think of was from a party in college. it's funny. at what point did the consciousness of being photographed overtake the sheer joy of the moment?

out of pocket, out of touch

we are sprucing up our home. it's been a while since we've done any significant home improvement projects, but now it's time to get back on that wagon. our house, while cute, has something of the crack den about it. bare dirt out front, awning-less awning frames, peeling paint on railings... eeesh. i tend to think unkind things about people who have let their houses go, so i guess that means i ought to think unkind things about myself.

i've had people come out to give us estimates on a few things, and can i say:

OMG!

i bet business is both good and bad for these guys -- good because people are afraid to sell and so are investing in their homes, but bad because, well, people are also afraid to spend. but damn! one guy factored in a 25% discount because i found his business through google, and i still nearly gasped in shock. another one just sent in an estimate that was way more than i was expecting. i really have no idea how much things cost. on to get more estimates... and to scrap some of our plans...

May 30, 2009

big head

i am related to a human bratz doll. it's a little scary.

May 25, 2009

holiday luncheon

today cam, the kids, my mom and i had a bbq lunch with cam's parents, sister and uncle. it was a nice mellow day, except for the fact that cam felt sick after lunch and went to bed. undercooked meat, perhaps?

May 23, 2009

boldly going

cam and i are going to see "star trek" this afternoon. i haven't seen a movie in the theaters since... "unbreakable," i suspect. damn.

May 14, 2009

repetition

my assistant: [on phone] i hate having to call you to tell you i'm going to be late.
me: then it's a shame you have to do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
my assistant: you have no idea.

May 11, 2009

foamy

foam soap is the product of cheapskates. i have never been a fan of it partially because it seemed insane to me to pay a premium for lather. but now that i see that you can mix water with liquid soap (still trying to figure out the proportions i like) to refill one of those kids' soap bottles (we had some kandoo bottles i recycled, but i did have one johnson's buddies bottle left), i'm most grudgingly an enthusiast.

turnabout is fair play

i mentioned to my mother on saturday that it was my cousin's 39th birthday.

my mom: oh, that's right -- it's may 9th.
me: may 9, 1970.
my mom: your generation is getting OLD.
me: uh, yeah.
me: thanks.

April 29, 2009

completely artificial

strawberry milkshake oreos are surprisingly good and surprisingly fake -- how can something called "strawberry milkshake" contain no strawberries and no milk?

April 25, 2009

bang

i've been living the bad hair life for weeks now. my hair seemed to be behaving quite nicely, but then the little baby hair regrowth (after the lovely postpartum hair loss) hit a very awkward stage. suddenly i had long bangs with short bangs underneath! to make matters worse, the short bangs had a weird wave to them. for a while, i just wore the bangs tightly pulled back or to the side. for the last few days i've been able to just leave them pushed to the side and they've been okay -- a little puffy, but livable. BUT then the rest of the regrowth decided to show off, and good freaking god, i wish nola would let me wear hats (she yanks and tugs). i have... amazing volume on top of my head. when i have my bangs pulled to the side, it looks like i'm wearing a little fluffy puffball hat slightly off-center on my head. i guess i should just sort of shrug and think of this as a badge of honor for motherhood, but really, i just look silly.

April 18, 2009

moo moo

how astonished i am to discover that i have 263 oz of breastmilk in my stash! DUDE. that's more than two gallons!

April 17, 2009

just a number

yesterday morning i was accused of being "deceptively young-looking." two coworkers pegged me at about 27-28, tops. while it's nice to be thought even a little bit younger than i am, would it have killed them to shave a few years off that and make me a happy 25?

April 9, 2009

pellets

today both of my assistants commented on my eating habits. i hadn't realized my diet raised such eyebrows. one of them seems absolutely stuck on the fact that i don't eat meat. stuck on it. like he's-discussed-it-with-his-mother stuck on it. now i find out that he's even mentioned it to HIS doctor. what?

the other... well.

him: you used to eat [insert expletive] soybeans.
me: i still eat [insert expletive] soybeans.
him: i see them and i think "grace pellets."
me: thanks, i feel like a gerbil.

is it a gender thing?

on a different level

i got a facebook friend request from a former adviser in high school! eek! are we supposed to interact like adults now and not... skeevy adult male and impressionable teenage girl?

April 8, 2009

lemon fresh

yesterday a coworker brought in a big bag of lemons from her backyard. she offered them to me and another coworker.

lemon-giver: you could cut them up and put them in water...
other coworker: [muttering] i hate lemon in water.
lg: [startled] you hate lemon in water?
oc: [grudgingly] i'll take one -- i can put it on a fish.
lg: oh, okay...
me: [brightly] i'll take the rest!
lg: [relieved] really? great!

how rude! that poor kid. now i have more lemons than i know what to do with, but... they do smell very nice.

March 30, 2009

weekend activities

the most interesting thing i did this past weekend was pay off my mortgage on animal crossing: city folk. okay, maybe not quite, but close.

saturday i was supposed to attend a party, but cam deemed me still too sick to go. so nola and i stayed home while he and paul went with my mom. it sounds like it was a good party, so i'm pretty bummed i missed it.

sunday was interesting, though. it was the anniversary of my brother's death, so we went to the cemetery with flowers. then cam took the kids and went to his parents' house to see a visiting (and soon departing) aunt, and my mom and i had an early lunch at cpk. (cute waiter.)

the rest of the weekend was seriously rooted-to-the-couch time, except for when i went to bed (early all three nights). i didn't do much, and it was kind of nice. i have the day off today because paul has his first optometrist appointment this afternoon, but i feel like i ought to be doing something more productive than more sitting on the couch... but i also feel too apathetic to do something more productive than sitting on the couch.

March 27, 2009

speaking of jury duty

i was off work on monday for jury duty. (of course, i dutifully checked work email throughout the day and took care of what i could, then did more when i got home.)

i came away from the experience with three thoughts.

1) jurors are a poorly dressed bunch. many of the people actually going to court are quite a different matter. i gazed with much delight upon a tall woman in a purple sequined fedora and beaded lavender satin pumps. she wore a trenchcoat, so i couldn't tell what was beneath it, but i was certain it was also wildly flashy and just as purple.

2) jurors who come without reading material or anything else to occupy the waiting time are foolish.

3) if you don't get picked for a panel, then it's really just a nice opportunity to sit quietly and read.

i had a great day. i was able to sleep in. cam was working from home, so he dropped me off and picked me up, and best of all, met me for lunch. how lovely it is to be able to see him in the middle of the day.

the courts didn't need anyone else after calling a sole panel around a quarter to ten, so they sent the rest of us home a little after three.

a coworker objected to my calling jury duty "a day out" -- you were on jury duty, not traipsing around disneyland -- but what else can i call a day in which i got to get up an hour and a half later than usual, read a book for most of the day, AND take a leisurely lunch with cam?

March 10, 2009

secrecy and busyness

that title pretty sums up my life right now. will explain more later.

March 6, 2009

more on vanity sizing

i've been doing my bit to save the economy, i guess. and i've learned that either i have no freaking idea what size i wear, or manufacturers have no idea to dress women shaped like me, or both. i've got a little spreadsheet with the size charts of various stores, and they are all fairly similar. some size a little big, some a little small. i have no desire to look at older size charts because i know they will be distressing. (god, like wedding dress sizing, or at least like wedding dress sizing over a decade ago. eesh. trying on a dress and having a saleslady say, "THAT'S your size? but you're so small," was a little weird.) i think what manufacturers need to do is continue to provide these size charts with body measurements, but also provide clothing measurements. i occasionally check a fashion message board and it's full of "how does X fit?" maybe if we had measurements, people wouldn't need to ask that so often.

March 1, 2009

family party surprises

went to my aunt's house for my grandmother's birthday party yesterday.

the drives went very well. with the help of david archuleta, there was minimal crying on nola's part. poor cam forgot his headphones, though, so there may have been slightly more crying on his end.

the party itself was fun. it was nice to see my aunts, uncles and cousins. not much for us to eat, but that's pretty much how things have gone for me since i stopped eating meat over a decade ago.

one of my cousins has a son two years older than paul, and they played together pretty well for two boys with very little in common. my poor boy can be very sensitive sometimes. as cam puts it, paul is "pretty good -- he's social, but playmates can be overwhelming." it was a little alarming to see how my cousin's boy appears to have an aversion to going to the bathroom. (we thought paul's own distaste would go away soon -- but if the other boy is still going strong two years later... ugh.) my cousin's boy also had some temper/fighting/behavior issues that i didn"t really see -- cam took him in hand, though. cam is a really good dad.

paul was terrified of a little dog. i don't think he's always been afraid of dogs, so i was a little surprised by the tears.

everyone loved nola, but nola wanted nothing to do with everyone. she has been considerably more social in the past, so again, i was a little surprised by the tears.

it was a pretty good day (surprisingly), but i'm in no hurry to do that sort of socializing thing again anytime soon (unsurprisingly).

February 24, 2009

painted ladies

i am SO intimidated by the mac counter. even the lure of a black hello kitty isn't enough to overcome the fear.

February 21, 2009

poultry

it's a good thing i already knew that boot-shopping can be a rough ride. i ended up returning the boots i bought a few weeks back, and just got another pair of boots that were equally wrong, nay, even more wrong. this new pair was wide in the ankle and at the top. because i'm so short, long-legged as i may be, this pair came up nearly to the knee when they should have hit a wider part of the calf.

said cam most diplomatically, "those boots make you look like you have chicken legs."

i can't send these boots back fast enough.

February 18, 2009

red plant

there's a poinsettia plant growing in my kitchen. the fact that it is still alive (and actually still growing) amazes me -- i thought that these holiday staples just spontaneously died after the first of the year.

February 16, 2009

i think this is what is called "relaxing"

i spent a whole rainy day either eating, carrying a baby or playing "animal crossing: city folk." sometimes all three at once. i have a sneaking suspicion that this was a ridiculous way to spend a day.

February 14, 2009

lucky hearts

so funny how this year's valentine's day is the day after friday the 13th. for those dreading v-day, i guess it's fitting. wasn't there a horror movie parody called "saturday the 14th"?

February 11, 2009

poor planning

i don't know what it is, but i have had very little motivation to work these past few days. i'd rather work on wardrobe planning (ah, spreadsheets), which is stupid because what's the point of having a well-organized wardrobe if you get fired for not doing your job?

February 8, 2009

the bag speaks for itself

even though i'm very muted (one might say bland, another may say dreary) in terms of clothing and accessories, my taste in diaper bags is LOUD. i had a black leather diaper bag i used to carry all over the place until i decided it was too heavy. what did i replace it with? a lexie barnes darling in pacifica and a lesportsac liz in a funky print. (sorry, no pooh or bunnies for me.) nobody ever said a diaper bag had to be subtle.

February 6, 2009

egged

the other day my mom picked up a small item for me that i had offhandedly mentioned i wanted -- a ped egg. (she gets 20% bed bath & beyond coupons pretty regularly, and one day she asked me if i wanted anything. i had said i'd get it myself, but she insisted. she does that.) she picked out the one with a handle.

tonight i cracked it open and tried it out. pretty cool and pretty gross at the same time. unfortunately, i think i was a bit overzealous in my sanding because my left foot feels a little raw. i rubbed my feet with lotion and put on some socks. we'll see tomorrow if this strange new thing is a keeper.

idle

thursday i was spent after a long day in the office.

so friday i spent the day at home doing very little.

apparently the new cap on benefit time was the best thing hr could possibly do to me -- it forces me to stay home.

February 2, 2009

sizing issues: me or the clothes?

my suit obsession has hit a snag. j. crew doesn't like me.

first i ordered a gray ruffled jacket, a two-button wool crepe jacket, wool crepe trousers and a wool crepe pencil skirt (all in black, of course).

the gray jacket and pencil skirt, nice. they sent me a three-button, which didn't fit my ultra-short torso, and the pants were out of stock.

then a few weeks later i tried again: two-button jacket, trousers and another pencil skirt, this time in black wool gabardine.

the skirt was too big, the jacket too small (well, the top button was poorly placed for me). the pants were very nice. so the jacket and skirt are going back. i suppose i could send back the pants, too, but i could always use a nice pair of dress pants.

i'm feeling a little dispirited about this shopping experience. maybe i might order another pair of the wool gab trousers because i know they fit well (with three-inch heels, i don't even need to hem them), but i'm not sure. three out of eight isn't really that great of a record, so i think it's time to try another store.

February 1, 2009

vicariously

through facebook, i am the friend of friends of woody allen and lea salonga. wild.

January 27, 2009

cobbler

i bought three pairs of shoes yesterday morning, and courtesy of zappos' lightning-quick service, i've tried them on and have already determined that at least one pair is going back. that was the plan all along -- two of them are almost identical (round toe black leather pumps with three-inch heels). i got them both just so i could see which was more comfortable. amusingly enough, i'm keeping the cheaper pair. i did consider returning both and going for a pair of pointy-toes because the round-toes make my feet look wee, but i really like round-toed shoes. clinton and stacy would frown, i know.

i'm torn over the third pair -- almost knee-high black leather boots. for the first time ever, i have a pair of boots that are loose on top. like go-go boot loose. i have tried on countless pairs of boots, and knee-high boots have almost universally been too tight in the calf. i don't think i have huge calves, but the bootmakers of the world seem to want to prove me wrong. the last pair i bought had an elastic panel in the back, which made for a nice smooth fit, but i felt kind of funny about it, like my legs were wearing leather dickeys and if i turned around, it would expose the deception. (but they were crazy-comfortable and i wore them all throughout the last pregnancy to hide the cankles -- am replacing them now because they are beat-up and loose.) these new boots are shiny and soft and comfy and make my feet look tiny and oddly futuristic, but i find myself thinking that the tops are too loose. i guess i could indulge in some skinny jeans so that i could tuck them in, but i don't know if that is really me. cam shrugs and thinks i should keep them, but... i've never had this problem of excess space at the top of my boots, so i'm feeling a little wishy-washy. thank goodness for zappos' nice return policy. this could take a while.

not quite the odd couple

early this morning during my regular 4 am weekday routine of pumping/feeding/staring blankly at a computer (usually facebook), i discovered that a former high school crush is in a relationship with another former schoolmate (not classmate -- she was at least a year younger, maybe two? dunno). my first thought was, "no, really? i didn't think she was cute enough for him."

my second thought? "well, he was no great catch, either."

it's funny how time changes everything. if someone had told me in hs that they would be dating x years into the future, i would have been positively aghast. now... eh. good for them. i wish them every happiness.

January 16, 2009

smart shopper

for christmas, i gave two filipino secretary friends vera bradley bags (one a little backpack, the other a little shoulder bag) that i got on sale from the vera bradley site. i'm not a fan, but i do think that the prints and quilting are cute in moderation. plus these friends are considerably older than i am, so i figured they wouldn't be totally weirded out by the notion that i was giving them printy quilty cotton purses.

vera bradley isn't cheap. i usually don't like to spend too much on work xmas gifts, so i'm always confused by what to get these secretaries. last year i got one a silver mirrored compact, the other (i'm much closer to her) i got a coach wristlet. this year, i didn't know what to do. somehow i ended up on the vera bradley site. they were having a really good sale, so i bought what i bought (plus another bag for a secretary who was unfortunately laid off, so i was unable to give it to her).

anyway, i finally gave one of those secretaries a thank-you card (she bought gifts for me and both kids) the other day. she emailed me that she was glad we liked everything, etc. etc etc., and then, much to my surprise, thanked me yet again for the bag. apparently she had looked up vera bradley (not already being familiar with it) and was very pleased to see that it was, in her words, "a good brand." i was somewhat on the verge of horror.

i told my mother about this. such a filipino thing to do, i said. "really, what other people that you know would look up the brand and then actually SAY SOMETHING about it?" how gauche! she laughed and agreed. i was a little embarrassed that my friend then would have seen that i had bought the bag on sale, but when i thought about it, "filipinos don't pay retail, right?" we are supposed to be all about a sale.

she laughed and had to agree with that, too.

blackberry in hand

i am supposedly off work today, but after a late-evening fiasco last night, I'm a little wary of unplugging completely. is this what makes me a good employee?

January 13, 2009

small electronics despise me

my computer somehow got infected by gobs of nasty things.

my iphone ceased to respond to my touch. (cam got it replaced.)

my blackberry leaks power like a sieve.

my palm is a little creaky.

so far this is not a good year for technology.

December 31, 2008

wiggle and learn?

it has been a nonstop wiggly party in my head. this morning it was "turkey in the straw":

turkey in the straw
haw haw hawHAW
turkey in the hay
hay hay hayHAY

yesterday it was "here comes a bear... stomPING stomPING" and the day before that it was a bullfrog saying "biggest rain we ever had."

i sort of want to shove sticks in my ears, but i sort of want to sing along.

December 23, 2008

gently rounded?

at the party i attended on saturday, there was a quick conversation about how my cousin is miffed about how often she hears, "your daughter is so pretty -- she looks a lot like your husband." this came up because her husband (and another cousin's husband) said that nola is so cute and wow, she looks like cam. i get this a lot. i am not particularly miffed.

that said, how was i supposed to take this?

your daughter is so chubby -- i think she looks like you!

of course, she did preface this with, "you've lost all the baby weight! you look great!" so i can't think she really meant that the way it sounded, but still... ouch.

vested

i have discovered over the past year or so that i like wearing vests. a long time ago my mom left an old black fleece one in my house. one day i put it on -- and i've been wearing it ever since. with a long-sleeved gray tee, jeans and clogs, it's become my go-to casual outfit. embarrassingly enough, with a long-sleeved gray maternity tee, maternity jeans and clogs, it was also my go-to maternity casual outfit. i've been thinking that maybe it's time to get myself a new vest that actually fits me when i'm not 8-months pregnant, but part of me is a somewhat freaked out that i'm dressing like my mother. sure, i'm already dressing like her when i've got this vest on, but at long as i can say that i'm borrowing hers (even though she doesn't even remember that it is hers) rather than wearing my own, i feel a little bit less... previous generation.

December 21, 2008

carded

it's astonishing, but we appear to have run out of christmas cards. i had 100 made and the ones i have left are all spoken for. thank goodness it's easy and cheap to make more...

family festivities

yesterday my mom, nola and i went to a family christmas party. paul was sick, so cam stayed home with him.

the party was for relatives on my dad's side -- geographically close, blood distant. they are mostly nice people, but i still dreaded going because, well, i'm a hermit. my mom dreaded going, too, but i'm not entirely sure of her reasoning. she kind of leans toward hermit, too, but i think she had other reasons.

but... it turned out to be nice. we weren't able to sneak out as early as we would have liked, but we did have a good time. for once, someone made a dish i could eat. nola, of course, was a hit in the way that cute pudgy babies always are. a cousin snapped lots and lots of pictures of her. i was a little bummed that paul missed out on the mass gift-opening, but i did get to bring home a gazillion gifts. i see a lot thank-you card writing in our future.

December 14, 2008

there's a school for that?

saw a "sdsu mom" license plate holder. at first i thought it said "stfu mom" and was disappointed when i saw that it didn't. if i had a car -- if i even drove -- i think i wouldn't mind one of those.

December 10, 2008

of course

overslept this morning. didn't hear the alarm for a oood ten minutes. serves me right!

November 28, 2008

cover band

thank god for filipino relatives. if it weren't for them, i would have never known that journey has a new lead singer.

November 18, 2008

word choice

one of my issues with my boss is that he uses "gonna" in his emails. i'm all for informal discourse, but that might be a little too casual for me.

November 15, 2008

knack

a few days ago i introduced a newly pregnant friend to the world of "nak" (nursing at keyboard). she has expressed an interest in breastfeeding, and as i was actually feeding nola while we were email-chatting, i thought i'd mention it. depending on nola's position, sometimes it's a one-handed operation, sometimes it's two. sometimes my arms just go around her to reach the keyboard (like right now, actually), sometimes one arm rests on her while the other arm is awkwardly reaching over her head. in all positions, the potential for typos and discomfort is there, but sometimes, you know, you just gotta type.

it's kind of fun talking to someone about stuff like this. is this what i've missed by not having many mommy/mommy-to-be friends?

November 8, 2008

threadless

did i mention that i was a noun for halloween?

October 27, 2008

oily

just finished an order of fries that i should not have finished. ugh.

not something to put on a resume

for some reason i have gained a reputation of "being able to find things" online. just this morning i was drafted into locating a particular item to decorate a little girl's room for a coworker. i don't get it. googling is not a skill.

October 20, 2008

i love country darius rucker

i'm gonna work like i don't need the money
i'm gonna live like i'm not afraid to cry
i'm gonna dance like nobody's watching
i'm gonna love while i still got the time

October 12, 2008

a day late

i can't believe i didn't mention it here -- yesterday was my dad's birthday. he would have been 72. three generations of females went to the cemetery yesterday morning (cam and paul went to the museum of natural history to participate in their critter club program), then capped off the day with shopping. my dad would have smiled, i think.

hometown shopping

after much drama and construction, a new target opened in san pedro. i am delighted. finally -- we don't need to leave the city for socks and underwear.

October 11, 2008

zzz and more z

the last few days i have found it increasingly difficult to stay awake. thursday and friday at work were particularly painful. when i get really tired my contacts dry out -- or perhaps when my contacts dry out i get really tired? -- so i was blinking like a fiend in the afternoons. last night i passed out around 8ish. i went out my mom and nola today and fell asleep in the car on the way home around 1ish. then i took a nap from 2:30 to 5. i don't know why i'm so tired. i guess all the sleep i've missed out on in the past has decided to rise up and strike me down.

September 27, 2008

headachy munchies

in a fit of post-migraine activity, i baked five dozen oatmeal cookies and a loaf of banana bread. it's a good thing i don't get migraines more often or we'd all be really round.

September 23, 2008

shoebox

paul needs to bring a shoebox wrapped in brown paper to school as part of his wednesday night homework. the instructions clearly say that the top and bottom should be individually wrapped. i wandered the house and found five shoeboxes, and only one of them (the flimsiest and most square -- they held paul's minnetonka boots) had a separate top and bottom. when did one-piece shoeboxes become de rigueur?

September 20, 2008

fancypants

trouser jeans are awesome. i am almost inspired to get a pair of real trousers.

mama needs a brand new bag

being a purselover, you'd think i'd be thrilled that i get a chance to look for a new diaper bag, but i'm not all that happy -- i'm more disappointed in the bag that i do own and have been using.

i splurged and bought myself a b-kaed masala in black before nola was born. i rationalized that i could carry it as a work bag once the diaper days were over. it's worked great for me (maybe a little heavy), but i made a horrifying discovery last sunday: when i carry it with the strap across my chest while wearing nola in the sling facing in, her drool mixes badly with the leather strap and i end up with black marks on my shirt. when i saw this, i suddenly realized that it had happened before -- i just hadn't connected the strap with the stains. so... until she stops drooling i better carry another bag when i wear her.

i've had three bags in mind: a lesportsac baby bag, a lexie barnes darling and an orla kiely maxi sling. all have their pros and cons. (i do have two skiphop duos that i could use, but they have both been repurposed as laptop bags.) it's kind of funny -- if i just decided i wanted a new bag, i'd pick one and that would be the end of it, but knowing that i'm getting a bag to replace/supplement an existing bag just irritates me and makes it hard to decide on a new one.

purseness

i'm a bit of a purseaholic. i think i may have mentioned that, um, once or twice. i used to want a birkin, but i have since come to my senses. after buying my mom the lv epi alma in cassis, i'm thinking that the alma in black epi might be THE classic bag for me. however, because i just shelled out the cash for her bag, i'm not really so inclined to splashing out the same amount on myself.

but... that doesn't mean i'm on a purse ban. in the last two months i've bought two bags (one with a 25% off code from lucky mag, the other at a hautelook sale) -- from new-to-me designers -- a jenny yuen hitchcock in black and a rebecca minkoff morning after bag in hazelnut. these bags make me feel a little younger and a little hipper, even when my clothes and hair are on the unhappy side of presentable. really, what woman doesn't want that?

me: you know why i like to buy bags?
cam: why?
me: because bags always fit.
cam: that is so sad.

it's not sad, it's glorious.

half-assed housekeeping

there are few things more satisfying to me than hearing the dishwasher running and not seeing any cups or plates that i've missed. or folding the last load of laundry and knowing that the only unwashed stuff in the house are the clothes on our backs. i'm not much of a housewife, so these things -- these tiny victories -- are all i have. i don't need a pine-fresh smell to hit me the minute i come in the door, i don't need to see a mirror finish on the floor. i just need to feel like at least one tiny spot of the house is as "done" as it can be.

September 18, 2008

height = power

me: i'm wearing 4-inch heels.
him: i thought you looked more... authoritative.

social yet not

feeling like a joiner these days. in the last day or so, i've joined a social networking site, a writing community and paul's school's pto. and i volunteered to prepare class materials at home since i can't volunteer in the classroom during the day. this is all somewhat out of my comfort zone and activity level, frankly. i like being sludge on the couch with a baby on my lap and a remote in my hand.

September 15, 2008

tinted

today i learned -- god know why it took me so long -- that many asians have trouble finding eyeglass and sunglass frames that fit properly. since i'm the center of my world (at least the part of the center that wears glasses and sunglasses), i just figured it was me. frames that sat on my face and skipped my nose completely, frames that squeezed my head enough to give me migraines, opticians that laughed as they adjusted the sides to curve completely down around the backs of my ears just so that the glasses wouldn't slide (and they still did), glasses that nearly fell off every time i bent to pick up a kid... well, i just chalked it up to having one big flat fathead.

but apparently it's a global epidemic. fancy that.

will my next pair of sunnies be oakley "asian fit" sunglasses? will i head to oliver peoples in costa mesa to scope out the special flatter frames? i don't know, but both of those ideas are sure tempting.

proof of shrewness

the metrolink accident on friday was completely horrifying. i don't yet know if anyone from the firm was on the train that crashed, but two of the folks in my department were on the following train (they were at northridge at the time of the crash).

however, i do know someone who would have been on that train if he hadn't driven in on friday (just like i knew someone who worked at the world trade center who had been late to work on 9/11) -- and as bitchy as it sounds, i am already tired of his story and it's not even 8 am. it wasn't an actual near-death experience, so enough already.

September 14, 2008

meadery

who knew that the cardboard packaging for a six-pack of bottled guinness was made by mead? you know, the people who make spiral notebooks, binders and lined paper? mead, glorious mead. happy back to school.

September 13, 2008

shoeless

am getting rid of the flat boots i wore through the majority of my second pregnancy. it made me think of a long-ago conversation with a coworker in which i mentioned i had tossed the shoes i had worn everyday during my first pregnancy (a pair of naot clogs). they were beat-up, flattened, stretched out and i could barely stand the sight of them once the swelling in my feet went away.

"but you could have saved them for the next time you get pregnant," she protested.

i just looked at her. if a look could say, "1. worn-out shoes are not the best thing for your feet and legs when you are carrying that much extra weight. 2. i feel fat and miserable when i'm pregnant, so why should i deny myself the pleasure of newer shoes? 3. there's such a thing as being too cheap. 4. you can't talk to me about anything to do with clothing or anything else i put on my body because you're still wearing some maternity clothes and your baby's over a year old. bitch, please," then that would be that look.

mani

my fingernails are longer than they have ever been, i think. usually i just chop them off (takes about a minute a hand, so that should tell you the kind of care i give my hands), but this time i left them alone once i filed them into a somewhat squarish shape. i think the reason why these nails have survived is because i usually go for a more rounded/pointyish shape, and i usually get sick of that before they get too long. but now that i have started wearing rings as a part of my "new and improved" post-baby work look, i had the idea that i ought to, i don't know, give a shit about my nails. so -- voila! semi-ladylike hands that i can still use to type and change diapers. (texting on an iphone is a little harder.) i think i will go a bit shorter in the future, but it's nice when an experiment goes well.

September 8, 2008

sedentary youth

sometimes paul and i run around and wrestle in the backyard. usually my mother will be nearby with nola. every once in a while i'll wonder how she felt about being an older mom. she was 36 when i was born -- and none too athletic -- so i don't have any memory of her running around or even really playing much at all. spinning paul in a circle, playing police/criminal, going on dives to the great barrier reef (which looks surprisingly like our backyard pond), doing tumbles and cartwheels... does she ever watch us and feel a pang that my childhood was nothing like that?

cassis

my mom's 70th birthday is coming up. i'm finding it a little hard to believe that she's going to be 70 -- i think she is, too. i've been asking her if she wants a party or something, but she makes faces at me. so to celebrate her birthday, i'm buying her the fanciest handbag she will ever own: the epi alma in cassis. no, i didn't buy it so i could borrow it -- although i could! -- but because 1) she regularly carries a fake multicolore alma so i know she likes the size and shape (it was a gift; no, not from me), 2) she loves purple, 3) she would never spend this much money on herself, and 4) it's her 70th birthday, fer chrissakes. i can't take credit for this idea, though -- cam offhandedly suggested it after we saw it at the lv store in costa mesa. i first scoffed, then instantly felt guilty for not thinking of it myself.

i hope she likes it... and i hope she never asks me the price.

September 4, 2008

language barriers

i learned two new things in one email today.

"glandular fever" = infectious mononucleosis

"broody" = wanting to have a child

those brits, so charming and so sneaky. i don't even get to point, laugh and say, "you've been out with mono?"

September 3, 2008

not a bad substitute

silk's spice-flavored soymilk is almost as good as silk soynog. not that i get to drink that much of it, though, because paul is a spice-flavored soymilk HOG.

August 19, 2008

sunny san diego

we just took a mini-vacation to san diego -- sunday afternoon to tuesday afternoon. sunday we went to the fleet science center in balboa park. monday we went to sea world. today we just drove home. it was a very spur of the moment thing. i mean, we knew we wanted to take a short trip, and we had kind of a halfassed idea that sea world might be the thing to do, but we didn't make any real plans until friday or saturday.

but, oddly enough, it worked. we stayed at a hyatt near sea world, and although it was a bit pricey, it was a great place to stay -- we got upgraded to a nice suite (very west elm in decor, i thought), they offered soy milk on the room service menu, we could see the sea world fireworks from our room, and the hotel had three pools (one of which had a little sloping "beach" area). we ate breakfast and dinner in our room (we had a big dining/conference table) and spent some time in the pools. both nights dinner for the guys was fish and chips from a place within walking distance. paul declared that fish and chips were the best dinner ever. he loved the room. he loved san diego. he had the best time ever. in fact, he cried as we prepared to leave because he "hate[s] home" and "love[s] vacations." (i don't necessarily agree, but i understand the sentiment.)

we brought the stroller with us to sea world, and thank goodness we did because paul refused to walk -- he spent almost the entire day (which was abbreviated because he got tired, anyway) riding the wheeled board. nola, on the other hand, spent her time in the sling. poor baby got a mild sunburn on one arm because it was hanging out of the sling.

i don't know if it was just me, but sea world seemed really outdated. the aquariums were not very spectacular. some of the tanks just looked too small for their inhabitants. plus i've never been a big fan of trained animal shows, and those are key at sea world. (never mind that watching marine life documentaries has really messed with my ability to enjoy killer whales and other animals. eesh.)

today we initially planned to return to balboa park for the natural history museum, but changed our minds because paul and cam are going to the natural history museum in la tomorrow. i'm glad because i need a rest. it was nice to come home and just veg after spending the last few days out and about.

we should take impulse vacations more often. it will be interesting to see if we can top paul's assertion that this was the best vacation ever.

August 16, 2008

undergear

i need to be fitted for new bras, but i'm a little afraid to put a whole lot of money on bras because i don't know how long i'll be keeping the postpartum nursing breast size. (i tried to measure myself yesterday and well, i can't be as strippertastic as the numbers are claiming. eek.) still, i think it would be nice to have at least two nursing bras that fit the way they should. i'm tired of having the child spit up directly into the center of my bra.

personal scrutiny

my mother had a revelatory moment today.

while i was in the dressing room at macys, she waited with nola in front of a triptych of mirrors. i joked, "well, it's not quite the 360, but maybe 180?"

apparently i was on to something, because while standing in front of those mirrors in her favorite printed cropped pants, she suddenly realized that those damned things should never leave home. stacy and clinton would so approve.

August 13, 2008

toastiest

over the weekend we returned a pair of lands end pants to sears. while we were there, we picked up a new toaster. when the salesguy asked us if we wanted to do an exchange, i was startled -- who knew you could exchange pants for a toaster?

we used the toaster today to make toast. i set it for the second level of darkness, which promptly burnt the bread. at first i was undecided if that meant this was a particularly strong toaster or if roman meal is just weak-ass bread, but i quickly decided in the toaster's favor.

August 11, 2008

maternity leave home bakery

baked a lemon cake (mix) with a simple lemon glaze (it would be sad, sad, sad if i needed a mix for that) today. baked cornbread yesterday. what should i bake tomorrow? on some levels, i have to say thank goodness i'm going back to work -- all this fresh baked goodness is going straight to my waistline.

August 10, 2008

new stuff!

the 2009 ikea catalog arrived today with the la times. yay! now i can cancel my subscription.

August 9, 2008

nap, dammit

my mom is off visiting relatives for the day. paul and cam are off bug-hunting at madrona marsh. nola is asleep. why am i not asleep? so far i have done some laundry, loaded up the dishwasher, tied the water hyacinth to a rock to keep it from floating around the edge of the pond (the raccoons savaged it last night), and general picking-up-around the house.

i was convinced i'd fall asleep instantly because we had a rough night. woke up at one point to find paul in the bed. four people in a queen-sized bed does not make for a comfortable sleeping experience. my children are aggressive sleepers. nola by herself can almost knock me off the bed. paul CAN knock me off the bed. i spent a lot of time hanging off the bed while trying to protect nola from her brother's feet and elbows. yes, i could have put her back in the crib, but where's the fun in that?

my head is splitting, my bones ache and yet i persist in sitting here, awake...

August 8, 2008

suits

with paul at his grandparents' house and my mom off getting a pedi and running errands, i figured that nola and i would sleep all day. as usual, it didn't work out that way. yes, nola took a really nice long nap, but i kept myself busy, picking up around the house and doing laundry.

i also found my little stash of business suits from the good old days prior to the intro of everyday business casual. (boy, was i pissed. in retrospect, i should have been relieved, but i was mad because i had just spent a few hundred on suits. and since i've been working there for the last ten years, it's not like i needed them for interviews.) i've been thinking about donating my suits to a nonprofit for disadvantaged women for a long time now. they're pretty classic (minus the periwinkle dress/jacket combo my aunt and mother bought for me) and in very good condition (and in sizes i will probably NEVER wear again), so i'd be honored if someone wanted to use them for job interviews and the like. i've found an organization that has a pick-up station nearby, so i might just have to trek over to torrance to drop them off.

shaping, part 2

my recommended-size stuff arrived today and it's all... so big! i must have screwed up my measurements somehow. (sigh of relief.)

August 7, 2008

like ducks to water

my mother is in love with the pond. she took paul to a garden center today and came back with two water lilies (one real, one artificial -- two guesses which one was paul's choice?) and a parrot feather plant. at this rate we'll have the pond fully plant-stocked within another week.

August 6, 2008

shaping

i've been really spending far too much time thinking about what i should be wearing. for the first time ever, i'm really trying to focus on what is flattering, not what is comfortable or what is inexpensive or better yet, what is black.

it's kind of funny, but yesterday may have been the first time i ever thought to look for fashion advice for a short torso. considering i've had a short torso all my life, you'd think i would have done this eons ago. i was aghast to discover that apparently i've been dressing someone else's body because much of what i like to wear makes me look shorter and rounder. not that i've noticed, though, because i am short and round.

today i came across a site called myshape. you log in, answer some questions, put in some measurements, and voila! you have a "personal store" with clothes in your recommended sizes and styles. out of curiosity (and because there was a $25 off coupon code for the initial order), i ordered a few things. what was astonishing to me was that so much of the stuff in this store wasn't sized for petites, so i have no idea how these items will fit me. i was also more than a little astonished (and distressed) by the recommended sizes. of course, i do suspect that some pregnancy weight -- and postpartum/nursing boobage -- accounts for the sizing, but still. clinton and stacy always say to dress for the body you have, not the body you used to have/want to have/could have with lipo/a personal trainer/eating disorder, so i'm trying to be open-minded.

i feel like i've ordered far too many items of clothing lately, but it's all in the name of experimentation... and having something to wear when i go back to work (the boobage doesn't quite fit in most of my shirts). i thought i was more or less back to my prepregnancy size, but myshape's recommended sizes are telling me that i'm not quite there yet.

August 5, 2008

bananas about bananas

my mother announced a few days ago that she had some bananas on the verge of overripeness so if i wanted to make banana bread again i could have them. i took her up on her offer, and today i baked the very popular bread with the substitution of egg replacer and vegan margarine and the addition of allergen-free chocolate chips, just like before. (i think it's pretty funny that this recipe comes from the woman behind learning movable type. i spent much time there when i was starting this blog,) amusingly enough, it's already half gone. i suspect paul would consider eating the whole thing if i would let him.

August 3, 2008

guilt-free shopping

been spending some time playing with the fashion side of shopstyle. it's been fun "shopping" and putting stuff together, but it's become painfully obvious to me that 1) i have no idea how to accessorize, and 2) my entire world is clothed in black. if i weren't so afeared of the humiliation at clinton's and stacy's hands, i think i'd nominate myself for "what not to wear."

August 1, 2008

tee'd

today i read a blog post about how it was time -- as a woman in my 30s -- to throw out all the "ironic" t-shirts. feh on that. i didn't start accumulating them until i was in my 30s. (in fact, cam just bought me a dinosaur comics shirt earlier this week.)

pinned down

the last few days nola has not been able to sleep for very long away from me. her favorite place seems to be on the boppy (on me, post-feeding). every time i manage to get up with her still asleep, she'll be awake again within minutes of being put down. in order for her to get a nice nap or two, i've just been staying put after she falls asleep. been using this time to catch up "what not to wear," watch marine life documentaries (am not really a fan of mike degruy) and online-shop for the perfect black bag. (i feel so... shallow.) when paul's not around, this works out fine, but when he's here i feel so mean for telling him that i can't get up.

July 27, 2008

south coast

because cam is a kind and thoughtful person (most of the time), he arranged for a boy to spend the day with his parents -- and then took his two girls out to costa mesa for lunch and shopping.

(shopping with two kids is not easy, but let's face it, shopping with just paul has has never been easy. nola is much more portable, and she can sleep in the sling when she gets bored. she cries, yes, but she never whines.)

why costa mesa? h&m, of course. i ended up getting a little gray cardigan and an orange tank top. there was a tan coat i liked a lot, but it had too much hardware. i imagined the buttons leaving strange marks all over nola.

we also hit the lv store, where we were greeted by a strange sight: an extremely tall white woman in an ugly pinkish furry jacket posing by the entrance. since lv was (and always is) filled by noisy short asians, she seemed to be at least ten feet tall. i coveted the epi alma in cassis. swoony, but where would i carry an expensive purple handbag? i also admired the bowling montaigne pm (also in cassis), but as cam points out, it looks like it has a face.

other stops: went to crate and barrel because we wanted to buy towels (we have giftcards), but didn't see anything special. bought a star wars pillowcase for my assistant for his birthday from pottery barn kids. cam bought himself a new iphone at the apple store.

i nursed nola in the car post-shopping and we went home. we had talked about stopping by container store and ikea, but it was getting late.

it was a nice day. i needed to get out, and i think it was the most relaxing afternoon i've had in ages. thanks, sweetie.

July 23, 2008

it only took three years

finished (albeit poorly) the bench cushion for my dining set. yippee! (if you don't look too closely, it looks fabulous.) now i'm starting a tiny quilt for nola. no real reason why other than i got the idea i wanted to make a tiny quilt.

it feels good to play with my sewing machine again. my skills are mediocre, but i got mad enthusiasm.

July 22, 2008

stone fruit

we were all set to go to the park today when paul decided he'd rather hang out with his grandfather. so what's a mom to do when abandoned by her offspring? put the other one to bed and spend some quality time trying out a new peach cobbler recipe. i think this one was better than the other one, but i'm still not completely convinced that any cobbler is worth peeling a boatload of peaches.

July 21, 2008

suited up

i wasn't going to mention this, but i bought a bathing suit. what possessed me to buy a bathing suit (a tankini from lands end) two and a half months postpartum, i don't know. well, it arrived today, and i think it'll be absolutely fine -- with a very large t-shirt over it. yep, it'll be just fine.

July 20, 2008

self-affirming

sometimes i tell myself i look nice or that i've lost weight so i can hear it without having to ask for it.

never too sick to play house

i've spent the last few days in a sickly grumpy fog*, but that doesn't mean i've been too foggy to think about home decor and spend money. we've finally figured out how to solve the fireplace-cover issue (we have an unused fireplace that has been "temporarily" blocked off with cardboard and clear packing tape for at least three years), necessary fabrics have been ordered for said fireplace issue and curtain for large living room window, small cheap patio rug has been ordered (and received) for putting below kangeroo climber on the deck in the backyard, the second dining room bench cushion is almost done, and i determined that the mibo clacket lane wallpaper in cream would be a little too busy for the living room. (oh, and i hit up the tea collection sale for pretty nola-gear.) now i'm contemplating a small club chair for the library and wondering if alphabet stickers on plain white knobs would be a good way to label shoe drawers.

clearly i really like making work for myself.

*timeline: tuesday cam came home from work and sent me straight to bed because i apparently looked like death. wednesday nola and i slept for most of the day (she seemed to have a bit of a fever). thursday i was tossed back into solo duo-child-care a little too quickly and felt it. paul mocked me when i felt faint. by friday i was still sick-feeling, but doing much better. saturday was fine.

July 10, 2008

same but different, part 2

the food from the vegetarian chinese restaurant was better the second day. weird, but good to know.

sizing matters

been studying size charts for various clothing stores (eddie bauer, lands end, etc. - places with proprietary brands). it's funny to see how they differ. a small in one brand can be a medium or a large in another. when i'm ready to buy some new clothes, i'll need to decide if i want to wear a size-loathing X or a vanity-sized Y.

oft-used

i hate cliches, but i use them all the time. i even think in them. cam smirks because he hates them and he knows i hate them, so i am constantly embarrassed.

me: when i finish this [project], it'll be... um, cliches about monkeys and backs and stuff like that.
cam: ah.
me: bugbears.
cam: [smirking] bugbears.

when i hear myself, i think, "stop it! you're better than that!"

July 9, 2008

same but different

went to a local vegetarian restaurant for the first time since they changed ownership (when was that, like 3-4 years ago?). the sign outside had gotten really weatherbeaten, so i figured that if they had let the outside get so shabby, how could i be confident that they had kept up the inside, too? lest you think i'm too shallow, i had also read bad things about the changing of the guard, so that also gave me a reason to stay away. but recently they redid the sign, so we decided to give them a chance (plus they got an a from the health dept. and we lost a local mexican place we used to frequent). well, the menu is the same, but the food is not as good as we had remembered it. the texture of the "chicken" was a little off (how funny it is for me to say that) and the special blend brown rice was soggy. the "beef" was okay. but the dry sauteed green beans were good, as was the braised tofu. so... we'll be back, i guess, but not nearly as often as in the past. alas.

July 8, 2008

genuinely curious

the new lg shine phone -- is there some kind of anti-fingerprint coating on it?

peachy

a fresh peach cobbler is cooling in the kitchen. doesn't that make me sound uber-domestic? (had to do something to make a dent in the piles of peaches paul brought home from a family friend's house.) got a bandaid on my finger to prove that those peaches needed peeling. no canned stuff for us. (riiight.)

off-brand

noticed this morning that nola's diapers (the disposables -- she wears them outside of the home and at night -- we go cloth during the day at home) have a strange winnie the pooh on them, along with blue's clues-esque paw prints and cute little pandas and lions. it was almost like when you walk into a little asian market and you consider buying a little hello kitty lunchbox until you realize that hello kitty shouldn't have a mouth.

cam: winnie the pooh is sitting like a dog.

so weird. these aren't some random diapers i picked up by the side of the road -- these are huggies. surely licensing costs wouldn't be a problem?

July 7, 2008

blacksmith

i recently read something about leather bibs and how great they are for babies and kids because they clean up easily and are very durable, but... leather bibs? do they make tiny forges and anvils, too?

June 27, 2008

mii, mii and you

we spent an amusing amount of time today refining our miis. gave my mii a new hairstyle that more closely resembles my newly short hair. nola has a mii of her very own -- she looks just like paul but with longer hair (black instead of brown) and gray eyes. i set her up just so that she could hang out at our pokemon ranch with us, but it's somewhat surreal to have her walking around there when right now the child can't even hold her head up. we also adjusted our heights -- it was a little weird to have three out of the four people in this family be exactly the same height.

(set up a mii for my mom, too, so i can try to shame her into trying wii fit. don't see it happening, though.)

June 25, 2008

the plague

i appear to have pinkeye. sucks. considering that conjunctivitis is our office disease of choice, it's kind of funny that i have it at the halfway point of my maternity leave. and when you combine it with the bug that may or may not have been the cause for my children to become little vomiting machines, we've been a hotbed of contagion lately.

(joel and family, you dodged a bullet! hope your vacation was happy, relaxing and illness-free.)

June 19, 2008

mommy jewelry

after much internal debate, i bought this necklace for myself. i wanted a little something for myself to commemorate our little family, so it has all four names on it. (the sample is hilarious -- apparently we should have named our kids jack and jayden.) i ordered it at the same time i bought cam's keychain. i like to wear it with my kinda-sorta "push present" -- a necklace from cam. i do NOT wear it with the other necklace he bought at the same time.

(just an aside: paul finds the white trash charm necklaces equally amusing, but he thinks the dude one is more appropriate for a boy. oddly enough, this is from a child who happily sported the trophy wife one around the house and would have worn it in public if i didn't take it from him.)

June 18, 2008

the upside

that reminds me -- i need to add cornstarch to our grocery list so that we can make more non-newtonian fluid.

June 7, 2008

tropics

you know, i understand that a person can love a vacation spot SO much that s/he uses it for a destination wedding (and then to work that into the reception back home for the folks who couldn't attend the wedding itself). and i understand wanting to use that vacation spot as a decorating theme for one's home. and i can sort of see wanting to somehow incorporate it into a child's name (especially if said child was conceived there...). but you know, after a while, it's just sort of sad. just move there already, will you?

June 6, 2008

tiniest world

set the scene: we're trying to get paul into an elementary school other than our neighborhood one. we missed the magnet application deadline, so that left us with two options to get into that school -- apply for (1) a childcare permit (because this school is actually in cam's parents' neighborhood and cam's dad is going to be responsible for getting paul to and from school while we're at work) or (2) admission into the school's advanced studies program. when cam went to the school's office to pick up the applications, he was told to complete the second one first because that one had a deadline that was coming up soon. (the first one would be more of a last resort, anyway.)

with this in mind, we decided to move ahead on the second one. there was a brief application and paul's preschool teacher had to write a letter of recommendation. today we had an interview with a teacher and the school's principal and provide some samples of paul's work. (for a public school KINDERGARTEN. yeah, it blows my mind, too. maybe this is common, but this is my first kid in school, you know.)

nola was bawling all the way to school, so i was almost positive that i wouldn't be able to attend the interview -- a thought that had me almost in tears, too, because i feel like i've absolutely failed paul as a parent when it comes to school stuff. but the little girl came through for us and we had a great little interview.

paul dealt with the teacher while cam and i spoke to the principal. it was a little weird because i was trying to listen to paul while trying to tune him out at the same time so i could give the principal my full attention. i'm sure i smiled at weird times during the principal's spiel, but oh well. during the interview, she said something about my old old elementary school (the one i attended before the one where cam and i met) in passing to the teacher, which i filed away in my head but didn't think about too closely. i was busy trying to remember if the teacher was cam's parents' next door neighbor (turns out she is).

but then things took a very strange turn. if you've been reading this site for a while, you know that paul's last name is gracelastname-camlastname. (if you haven't, well, now you know.) the principal asked which one of us was camlastname -- cam said it was him. then she turned to me and said my name and said that i seemed really familiar to her and did i have a relative in education. nope, i said, smiling because i get "you look familiar" ALL THE TIME. (hello there, generic asian!) offhandedly, i thought to say that i went to such-and-such elementary school.

silence. i wondered if maybe i had heard wrong earlier and that she had no ties to that school.

the principal asked me when. i told her the years. and then it came out that she knew my brother. it was so weird. i told her that i thought her name was familiar, but i couldn't place it. (in talking to my mom -- who recognized the name instantly -- i learned that the principal had been my brother's 5th and 6th grade teacher.) i then was in the very unhappy spot of having to inform her that he had died 15 years ago. she said she was going to have to call another teacher (whose name i did recognize) to tell him.

who would have expected this from a kindergarten interview? welling-up tears, even. i've told lots of people about the ultimate fate of the original paul, but this time was especially hard because i was having to tell a former teacher who remembered a 10-, 11-year-old boy from 28 years ago and wanted to know how he was doing. "he had a very round face. i can see him." sometimes i forget that he had a life outside of us -- that he touched other people's lives and that people outside the family might actually remember him. i'm so used to inhabiting this world where i have to remind my mother of things he said and did.

i think the interview went well. from a proud mommy point of view, paul certainly showed his stuff (talking about tornadoes and his newfound love of spiders). from a cynical point of view, well, if paul doesn't get in now, maybe i should have worked my angle a bit harder.

June 4, 2008

postpartum demons

today my mom, nola and i visited our friendly neighborhood faith healer.

okay, so she's not really in the neighborhood anymore because we moved. and it's not like we just visit her for this reason because she's actually a family friend (i think my folks helped her and her husband find work when they made the big move from the philippines back in the '70s). but today we went to her for a very specific reason.

after paul was born, she told my mom to bring me by her house. i expected a massage (always a nice thing) because this faith healer also does that -- in fact, when i was a kid, we always went to see her when we were sick because she would do a great vicks rubdown that always had us up and running within a day or so. any aches and pains? off we'd go. my mother's sisters would go see her, too, whenever they or their children were feeling less than great. so. shortly before i was set to go back to work, we went to see her. i was pretty much back to prepreg size (except the girls, of course) but i still couldn't really wear much of my regular clothes because my shape was rather different. she sized me up, had me lie down on the floor on my side, and she STOOD on my hip. then she made me lie down on the other side and proceeded to stand on the other hip. had to help move everything back into place, she said.

when i got home, i was elated to see i could wear my old jeans.

this time around my mom asked her when was the earliest we should come by. (i've said this before: my mom has issues with me being fat.) a month post-birth, she was told.

after one month and two days, i was back on my spot on the floor. this time, however, she did not step on me. (i was rather disappointed.) but she did practically kneel on me. she commented to my mother that i wasn't very big. (a compliment? to my mom, maybe.) she then wrapped my waist in a long piece of cloth and knotted it tightly to cow the flesh into submission.

when i stood up, i was amused to realize i felt taller. but that may have been due to the fact that i was wearing clogs, and well, she's a tiny 75-year-old filipino lady.

before the... i don't even know what to call it... massage?... we did the regular faith-healery thing. candles, flaming spoons, wax shapes in water, prayers, crucifixes, blowing on my head through a piece of old crocheted lace, comparisons of the lengths of fingers, the whole nine yards. after the massage, she did the same thing for nola (but nola's session was much shorter because she didn't have any demons inhabiting her tiny body -- i, however, had five.).

when i was younger, she once attributed a rash to the tiny demons in chicken and shellfish. as chicken was the only meat i was eating back then, i forced myself to eat hamburgers instead. mmm, western bacon cheeseburgers. the rash went away, but man, i got kind of fat.

we'll have to see how well this works. honestly, i'm not expecting much because i'm still carrying quite a bit of excess stuff, but hey, it's an experience.

June 1, 2008

jaw-length

i now have short mom-ish hair. i guess this means i should encourage paul to play soccer.

May 30, 2008

lefty

wii fit tells me that my center of balance is slightly to the left. duh, you spend 4+ years carrying a child on your left side while doing stuff -- cooking, cleaning, unloading the dishwasher, typing, etc. -- with your right. (note that i didn't say "right hand" because i have been known to pick up things with my feet.) you'd sway that way, too.

May 26, 2008

we did it, yay

am planning to get my hair cut sometime this week. i was thinking louise brooks, but i have a feeling i'm going to end up looking like dora the explorer instead.

May 21, 2008

exercise play

paul is playing (is that the right word?) wii fit. apparently he needs more exercise, it tells him. duh, this is a preschooler who is more interested in science and tv than active play.

cam: now let me try so it can tell me i'm obese.

since you can password-protect your profile, i am so going to use this thing. i'll set a weight goal with my going-back-to-work date as my target. wonder how well it'll work?

May 20, 2008

stuff you don't hear everyday

my mom and i were sort of watching "so you think you can dance" on mtv. i left the room to change nola's diaper and got sidetracked -- as a result, the show was over before i returned.

my mom: that tila tequila show came on, so i changed the channel.
my mom: she's a ho.
me: i see.
me: [calling out to other room] cameron, my mother just called someone a ho!

May 18, 2008

bleary

between the heat, nola and my inability to focus on the reviews i need to write for my assistants, i have had about 4.5 hours of sleep since friday morning.

May 16, 2008

a few minutes of chores

because the baby is asleep, i got to 1) unload the dishwasher, 2) move stuff from the washer to the dryer, and 3) hang the diaper covers outside to dry in the sun. if paul were here today instead of spending time with cam's dad, i think i'd be sprawled on the floor in front of a pile of lincoln logs. that sounds more fun.

May 14, 2008

dented

my mother got into a minor accident today -- one of the rear doors on her pt cruiser swung open and smacked into a parked car. she didn't even realize it until someone following her stopped and told her to go back because it was the nice thing to do. she went back and knocked at the door of the house where the car was parked. no answer, so she seemed to feel she was off the hook.

when she told me about this, i just looked at her. jesu cristo. i told her to go back to the car and leave a note. how can she assume a car parked in front of a house belongs to the owners of that house? and just because no one answered the door, how does that absolve her of responsibility?

me: i know if you went outside and saw your car had been damaged you'd be mad.
her: [wheedling] but it's not really a dent.

sometimes i feel like the parent in this relationship.

April 23, 2008

blending

working from home is turning this week into a fog filled with couch-sitting and overeating. what day is it today?

April 21, 2008

a monday in april

another weekend has passed by and i have managed to remain pregnant. this is both a good thing (my jewish doctor would have missed the birth) and bad (my work baby shower is today and i hate being the center of attention).

April 19, 2008

the quiet end

yesterday was my last full(ish) day in the office. rather anticlimactic. i'm not sure what i was expecting, but the day was blah. got in late because of a morning appointment with my ob/gyn, then got stuck at at work until 6:30 pm because our new couch wasn't delivered quite when we expected it would. i know that people in my dept. don't consider me gone until next week (and i will be back in the office on monday for the baby shower), but c'mon, make me feel like i'm going to be missed... four months is a long time.

April 17, 2008

plow

as we drove past the harbor this morning, the rising sun shining behind the shadowed cranes made me think of the bookcover of an old copy of my antonia. and i was strangely content for a moment.

March 13, 2008

crying over...

in retrospect, the spilt milk incident was kind of funny.

March 11, 2008

overdue for a break

i have taken ten days off work (including sick days) in two years. such behavior in a department where people seem to take off A DAY A WEEK.

March 7, 2008

what i have to look forward to

"both my kids got in trouble yesterday at the same time... can you tell i don't beat my kids enough?"

catty

there is a woman here who keeps declaring to no one in particular that it's really hot in the office. since she's not pregnant (god knows i'm overheated almost all the time), i firmly believe that early menopause has set in.

February 29, 2008

lego

legoland is a nice place for little kids. i'm surprised how well the day went. (even though there's not a whole lot for a pregnant lady to do there -- not that pregnant ladies are the intended audience, of course.)

i'm also surprised how many people brought newborns with them. i mean, i understand wanting to appease your older kids, but i swear i saw more than one baby that was little more than a fetus.

i think paul had a good time. he really enjoyed this room where kids got to build cars and send them down little ramps. i think he could have stayed there all day. he wasn't so big on rides (and was only interested in rides he could ride with cam), but he did enjoy crashing a little motorboat multiple times.

we ended up paying an extra dollar a ticket to get three more full-day passes. they're good for nine days. we might end up going back on sunday, i don't know. we'll see. legoland didn't look like much fun for kids older than six, but hey, ours is only four.

February 28, 2008

mini-getaway

it's 11:30 pm. the washer is running, the dryer is running, the dishwasher is running -- and i am run down. i need to go to bed, but i have stuff i need to do first. funny how a day off from work takes so much planning. if i were going to work tomorrow, i'd already be asleep. the only thing i'd need to think about would be what to pack for lunch and snacks for the workday. instead i have to think about what to pack for our impromptu trip to san diego. legoland tomorrow, balboa park the day after and back home the day after that. what to pack? what to wear? what to eat? what to bring to entertain a boy on two long car trips?

i'm already thinking that work sounds less stressful.

this must be why we rarely take days off for anything but the most practical of reasons (like preschool and doctor's appointments).

February 23, 2008

mover

i am not to be trusted in the house alone. even at seven months' pregnant, i move furniture for fun.

February 15, 2008

illness or wellness

it's friday morning. two of my coworkers (including one of my assistants) is out sick. paul is sick. cam was well enough to go to work, but had to stay home because cam's dad is sick and therefore can't watch paul. i feel okay now, but my cough is making me a little self-conscious. just ran out of kleenex. sigh.

i went to bed early last night, so hopefully that'll be enough rest to get me through this. there's too much to do -- a viewing tonight, a wedding tomorrow, a long weekend to enjoy. there's no room for the flu. i just got over (mostly) a cold in that charmingly unmedicated way that pregnant women do. the flu could finish me off.

February 14, 2008

re the birds and bees

my ob/gyn is very cool. he decided that he doesn't want me to test my blood sugars anymore, which is really nice. not that i minded it too much, but it's nice to not have to deal with that. of course i need to keep to my diet, but that's fine because it keeps my weight from going out of control (but i was very bad last night -- paul brought me a big heart-shaped cookie that he had frosted and decorated at school).

plus he's hot.

but i wish he wouldn't be quite so... frank with the sex talk. cam was too sick to come in with me to my appointment, so he waited in the car. after i met with the doctor, i told cam he was lucky he missed out because this appointment was twice as embarrassing as the last one. i swear, do we look like bunnies or something?

February 13, 2008

mcdreamy?

coworker: you look very pretty today.
me: thanks.
me: i'm going to my doctor today.
me: [dramatic pause]
me: he's very good-looking.
coworker: [dramatic pause]
coworker: [laughter] maybe you could ask him out for a drink.
me: riiight.

February 12, 2008

in the dark

i am remarkably unobservant. didn't even notice my blackberry was out yesterday.

February 4, 2008

cast iron

will i ever learn how to use cast iron cooking surfaces properly?

hearty congrats

we are all very happy for little eli.

January 21, 2008

many happy returns and all that

pretty sad that my first acts as a 33-year-old were to drink a glass of milk, eat a piece of toast and watch the last few minutes of "what not to wear." i think it's bedtime.

January 20, 2008

same store

have been perusing pictures of children's rooms from all over the world to get ideas. it's a little comforting to see that no matter where you are, there must have been an ikea in your life at some time or another.

January 19, 2008

saturday night at my house

just read -- teased -- sang -- snuggled -- paul to sleep, then i cut his fingernails. returned to cam to discover he was asleep, too. am thinking i ought to do the dishes, but because of my eczema i fear that cam would yell at me in the morning. maybe i'll just sit here and contemplate sleep.

griddle

why do i always end up on pancake duty on saturday mornings?

January 4, 2008

it's raining, it's pouring

one of my coworkers in another office is boring me with details of the weather. look, i know the weather there is awful. i get it.

December 26, 2007

back in the saddle

another christmas over and done with (except for the clean-up of decorations and the writing of thank-you cards). now i'm back at work and wishing i could be sleeping. or shopping.

December 19, 2007

gone to waste

apparently my contributions to the party were not so popular. i must be a terrible cook. i should have slept instead.

all i want for christmas is my bed

when the holidays are over, i think i will sleep for three days straight.

December 10, 2007

city beautification

i just read an article on a local paper's site about city officials requiring a $65 encroachment permit from a man who had decorated a little grassy parkway in between his home and the street.

now, i don't care for flashy holiday decorations. i usually find them kind of tacky. paul loves them, though, so i tend to keep an eye out for them so i can point them out.

because the decorations are on city property, okay, i can see why a permit would be necessary. $65 is pretty steep for decorations that are only going to be up for two months, tops, but i don't know how cities assess the rates for these things, so... whatever.

normally i'd just read this sort of thing and not really think anything of it, but today i feel enough irritation at one comment to write about it. in fact, i'm not really here to write about the permit or the fee or even the fact that somewhere nearby a man loves flashy decorations so much that he ran out of decorate-able space on his own property. i'm writing about one line in one comment by a person who couldn't even bothered to use his real name.

the majority of comments were directed at the city for their meanness and lack of holiday spirit. considering that the homeowner in question had decorated this little strip for four years' running and had even won awards from the city's own beautification committee, it does seem to me that this was something that could have been brought to his attention a little earlier. perhaps they could have mentioned it last year? i'm guessing this isn't something new, but because holiday decorating only comes around once a year, maybe the city should send out a little notice each year reminding people of the city's rules and regulations. but who knows, maybe they already do that? i don't live in that city.

one person objected to the homeowner's decor, felt it was "jumbled" and a "blatant disregard" of city policies. this is fine. taste is taste, and apparently someone knew about city policy. but this one line -- "happy holidays and way to go on spending your son's college fund" -- rankled beyond belief. i don't know which i object to more -- the idea that someone who knows nothing about you can criticize your spending habits, or the idea that every parent needs to have a college fund for their children. either way, ugh!

November 26, 2007

always right around thanksgiving

happy birthday, joel. hope you had a nice day.

November 23, 2007

doh

today i played with playdoh. i have never really played with playdoh-brand playdough before, so i think i understand why its appeal now. the smell i can live without, but how surprised i was to discover the smooth color-blending ability, silky texture, and best of all, the lack of residue on my hands. astonishing.

November 21, 2007

something i wondered this morning

is there any way that "you look like my ob/gyn" could be construed as a pick-up line?

November 13, 2007

ingratiating

a normal day in my office.

assistant #1: [looking around my office] it's kind of messy in here.
assistant #2: hmph.
assistant #2: he's not looking for a raise.

assistant #2: i've been thinking she [me] needs to see the addams family movie.
assistant #2: the second one.
assistant #2: she reminds me of wednesday addams.
me to assistant #1: he's not looking for a raise, either.
assistant #1: yep.
assistant #2: what did i say?

November 2, 2007

starter wardrobe

i need to buy some maternity clothes. at 14 weeks, my pants are officially too small. i already have some in storage as i was clearly pregnant before, but at this point of my pregnancy with paul, it was early spring. of course, we don't really have seasons here in southern california, so i suspect that i just want to go shopping. regardless of locale, surely one dresses differently in november than in april, yes?

but the problem is that i'm not sure where to go. recent stories about child labor have crossed old navy and gap off my list, and i've heard such awful things about motherhood (and related businesses) that i refuse to go there. local targets don't have the greatest selection, and the local kohl's is pretty ghetto, my mom says. (okay, maybe those aren't her words, but that's the gist of what she told me.) maybe i should really just dig out my stuff from storage and assess my current belongings before i fling my money into the wild.

portions and things

i've been watching my blood sugars for over a week now, and i have to say that this experience has been extremely enlightening.

for one, it's kind of hard to be a bread-loving vegetarian diabetic. figuring out my starch intake is harder than expected -- i had no idea that some of my favorite vegetables and protein sources were so carb-heavy.

two "proteins" worth of tofu is too much for me to eat in one sitting, but two "starches" of rice only covers the bottom of my bowl.

two "vegetables" worth of raw carrots is overwhelming.

restaurant portions are really out of control. insane. i knew there was a reason why i always averted my eyes from nutritional information brochures and websites. how utterly disturbing to see that my favorite la salsa black bean and cheese burrito is worth almost six "starches" and only two "proteins."

can i live like this?

October 25, 2007

strangest compliment

"i TOLD you -- she's like yoda, man!"

October 23, 2007

dark to light

i have a new blue pen. i think my old pen got rather scratchy after about a month and a week. i must do a lot more writing than i realized. what is the normal lifespan of a pen, anyway?

October 19, 2007

slickers

cam saw a woman in a raincoat walking a pug in a raincoat. how i would have loved to see that.

October 12, 2007

sending stuff back

i guess it was a good thing that there was a second round of recalls from learning curve because it reminded me that i still hadn't sent in the first batch of thomas toys.

newish dress

today i am wearing a babydoll-ish dress. i've never worn it to work before -- in fact, the only time i've worn it was to a wedding when i was definitely NOT pregnant. (because, honestly, when you see a bride and a pregnant woman taking a smoke break together, something is really not quite right with that picture) for a while, i was thinking about wearing it to work, but couldn't decide on work-appropriate shoes. then when i discovered that people were speculating about my pregnancy, well, i definitely wasn't going to wear it to give them ammunition.

but today i decided to wear it because the news is out anyway.

him: hey, that's kind of nice.
him: i've never seen you wear that before.
me: why are you critiquing my wardrobe?

but the funny thing is that i'm a little too self-conscious to even stand up because it makes me look so totally pregnant. while i was getting dressed, i realized that wearing a light-support shelf bra with the dress made me look round, so i ran away from the mirror in horror and put on an underwire bra to bring the girls up a bit.

me: [to the mirror] nice -- i'm stacked.

but when i got to work, i suddenly felt like i was a little too much of everything. too busty, too puffy, too silly. i was wearing a muffler when i arrived in the morning, but after an hour of a cold chest, i ended up putting it back on and wearing it all day.

it's a very nice dress, but i think i'll wait until i'm much more pregnant-looking before i wear it again. with my luck, of course, it probably won't fit by then.

pretty colors

if i were about six inches taller or had a good tailor (or if they sold petites), I'd buy all my clothes from boden. and if i shopped at boden, i'd also shop for cam and paul there. we would be so colorful.

October 11, 2007

libra

happy birthday, dad. hope you liked the flowers we brought last saturday.

October 4, 2007

all kinds of wrong

my new ob/gyn is all kinds of hot.

September 19, 2007

salt pig

because i'm hormonal and hungry, i just placed an order for two bottles of bacon salt. not that i really need salt (or bacon, for that matter), but for some reason i just had to have it.

September 16, 2007

oh, the humanity

it will never cease to amuse me how easily and often people claim to lose faith in humanity -- usually all it takes is for a favorite to lose out on american idol, or an emmy, or whatever the award of choice might be....

in the dark

i was awakened very early this morning by a sudden burst of static. in a panic, i woke up cam, who informed me in a remarkably non-sleepy voice that the power had just gone out. ah, i thought, that explained the static (the baby monitor we still use) and the somewhat unearthly glow of the green and blue candeloos right next to my head (they went on when the charger died). i went right back to sleep.

a little while after that i woke up -- still in the dark -- because paul was crying. crap! i didn't even think about the fact that his nightlights would be out, too. green candeloo in hand, i went to his room and tried to comfort him. as usual when he's upset, he was in a big anti snit.

paul: i want nothing.
paul: i want the power to just stay away.
me: okay, then we'll just stay in the dark.
paul: okay.
paul: i want light.

i stayed in his room with him and tried to sleep, but it was hard because every 15 minutes or so he'd kick me and sob something about the power. finally he decided it was time to be up and around.

paul: does the tv use electricity?
paul: does the floor use electricity?
paul: does the potty use electricity?

i stuck it out as long as i could, but i felt so crappy that i ended up waking cam and making him take over. then i went back to bed. cam brought me some toast he made on the stove. what a sweetheart.

the power didn't come back on until almost noon. by then i was starting to lament the potential loss of our freezer contents (again), so i was much relieved to see all was still nice and frosty in there. cam had already taken paul over to his parents' house with two gallons of milk in tow.

it's funny how life feels put on hold without electricity. it's nice and quiet -- jumped when everything went back on! -- but we depend so much on power for just about everything. occasionally i'll read about people and their planned electricity-free days and think that it sounds like such a liberating experience, but really, if you haven't planned for it, it's just a royal pain in the ass.

September 12, 2007

baby steps, office-style

i am not a creature of habit. in fact, i am now using a blue pen at work. it may be the same old micropoint rollerball type of pen i've been using since 1998, but for the first time ever, this time it's blue. the fact that i can do this without freaking out is a testament to my increased flexibility in years gone by...

September 1, 2007

math

insane heat + long nap = wide awake at 2 am.

August 28, 2007

calm before the show

cam and i are taking the day off because we're seeing crowded house tonight. i know that sounds backwards -- we should really take the day off after the concert, right? -- but there is a reason for this madness. rather than be gone from 6 am to midnight, and therefore pissing off a toddler greatly in the process, we're spending the day with paul. i think we'll be going to the aquarium later today.

August 27, 2007

school shopping

this weekend i went to a local bass outlet to try to find some replacement everyday work shoes. i found a pair fairly quickly -- black mary janes, flat, with white top-stitching (that vaguely reminded me of a pair of docs i wore back in the day). there was one pair of size six in black hidden in a tall stack of boxes of the same shoe in brown. feeling rather victorious, i modeled one for cam. he gave his approval, then ran away to chase paul down another aisle.

as i was putting my shoe back on, a family came up right next to me. the mother pointed at the shoes in the display (MY shoes) and told her daughter (who was maybe 12) that those would be perfect for school. the girl agreed and started to scan the sizes.

mother: what size are you?
girl: aren't i a five?
mother: i think that was last year.
girl: oh, that's right, six.

with a slightly guilty feeling i picked up my shoebox and walked away. i made it as far as the corner before i turned around and asked the mother, "excuse me, you're looking for six in black, right?" then i handed over the box to the slightly mystified woman, smiled and walked away.

cam laughed ruefully when i told him how i had lost my shoes and made some remark about karma. (but i'm not earl.) i'm not particularly sad to have lost out on those shoes -- sure, it would have been nice to be able to replace the shoes i've been wearing out over the last six years. but i do remember what a drag the back-to-school sales could be, so i was happy to help speed these folks along.

August 25, 2007

gratuity

found $3 in the dryer. am taking it as my tip.

faith, hope and charlie

in honor of grace paley's death, i reread enormous changes at the last minute last night.

it was different reading it this time. i read it once in grad school, and until last night, i had only read it once since graduation -- even then, it was just a quick read to purge the academia from it. this time i just read, and i liked it even more than i remembered. it's fun taking the english major out of the girl.

August 24, 2007

in one piece

yesterday i had a migraine. had to leave work early because, well, i couldn't see.

cam: mommy's not feeling well.
cam: mommy's head is going to explode.
paul: [sobbing] mommy's going away forever?
cam: oh, no!
cam: her head isn't really going to explode!
me: [thinking] i can't believe you just said that to someone as literal-minded as paul -- plus he's three, for crissakes.

August 23, 2007

but the point is probably moot

discovered this morning (in the elevator, actually) that today is rick springfield's 58th birthday. 58!?! how is that possible?

August 20, 2007

step

when we got home, paul's little ikea plastic step-thing was in front of the kitchen sink. i don't know why.

when i went to wash the dishes post-dinner, i decided to use it instead of putting it away. (it reminded me of the little step we had at my parents' house. my aunt used it when she washed dishes. she's maybe 4'9"? i think i stopped using it when i turned 10.) holy crap. if that's what it's like being six inches taller, i'm glad i'm short. the sink looked so very far away. my back started to hurt.

scrub, scrub, scrub. ache, ache, ache.

then i heard footsteps. i jumped down and kicked the step-thing to the side... but i was too late. cam had already spotted me. he laughed. i felt sheepish.

cam: give little mommy a hug.
paul: little mommy!
me: feh.
me: stop calling me that.
cam: hey, i wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't jumped and kicked the footstool.

little mommy: feh.

August 11, 2007

re-trap

i don't really know why, but i am rather looking forward to the return of "trapped in the closet."

re: infatuation

no, cam, I DON'T HAVE ANYONE IN MIND.

infatuation

this is utterly stupid, but i think i kind of want someone at work to have a crush on me. maybe i've spent too much time on trueofficeconfessions.com where people are always talking about secret crushes. who knew the workplace was such a hotbed of emotion? (oh wait, i did know that.) it might be because i've watched my assistant go through a very high-school-type infatuation.

i know it's hypocritical because i totally panic over the possibility of ulterior motives (you know, like sex) and i tend to get all sad when i think that someone won't just be a friend, goddammit, but today i just like the idea of an innocent little crush. maybe i'm just tired of wasting my sassy wit on gay men, i don't know. i don't need eye candy at work and i don't necessarily want to be anyone's eye candy, but when i'm feeling miserable at work, i'd like to know that someone might be blushing and stammering and looking forward to a two-minute chat with me.

as far as ego boosts go, it's not perfect -- and no, i don't need the approval of men to validate me -- but really, something, anything even remotely smile-inducing at work has got to be worth something.

August 10, 2007

the gift horse, he bites

i got some good news at work yesterday (i'll be getting more help), but i'll be damned if i'm not somewhat disappointed that the request was approved. i actually was looking forward -- in a tiny way, mind you -- to a scene.

August 7, 2007

terrier

on saturday i ceased to be a pekingese.

sure, my hair isn't all that short -- if i slouch, my hair is practically shoulder-length -- but it is a lot shorter than it has been since paul was a wee tot.

paul whined in the car on the way to the hairdresser: "i DON'T want mommy to get a haircut."

paul screamed when he saw the finished product.

paul: i don't like your haircut!
paul: i don't like your haircut! [runs out the door]
me: i'll get him.
me: cam, PAY! [runs out the door]

he was more or less fine with it within ten minutes. i guess it didn't hurt that within that ten-minute span we bought him a pair of spiderman light-up flipflops. (hey, he needed a new pair -- his heels were hanging off the backs of his old ones.)

later than evening, i decided to test his haircut tolerance. putting on my glasses, i observed aloud that if i cut my hair shorter, i'd look like bre pettis.

paul: get another haircut.

suffice it to say that my hair was no longer a sore spot for him.

August 3, 2007

gams

sometimes i feel self-conscious at work because i know i dress kind of blah and boring -- and because my hair is a tangled mess -- but today i decided to feel self-conscious for a totally different reason.

yep, i wore a miniskirt... and then i was cold all day... but at least i was cold and leggy. i don't know too many women under five feet that can say that with a straight face.

i can't, so that's why i'm typing this.

the things women can say with impunity

eyeing my skirt:

i don't think i've ever seen that much leg on you!

August 2, 2007

overly talkative stranger

standing in front of the elevator at target, a heavyset mohawked woman started talking to paul. first she admired his purple crocs.

woman: those are cool.
woman: but do your feet get sweaty?
paul: [silence]
cam: i don't know, i've never worn any.

paul showed her his fading jellyfish tattoo. she admired it, then proceeded to show him hers -- red handcuffs (i think?) on her wrist, then she pulled her shirt open (much to my horror) to display a brightly colored tiger above her right breast. then the doors opened and we got on the elevator.

another woman got on the elevator before the doors closed. mohawk says to her, "we're showing off our tattoos." good god. paul piped up, "mommy has one, too." then he tried to pull up my sleeve, but i was smilingly uncooperative. mohawk laughed. "kids," she said, "they're always saying things they shouldn't."

when we got off the elevator, mohawk went off cheerfully to a motorized scooter cart. cam, paul and i went straight to the railing. cam expressed some disbelief about how, um, open she had been about her chest art.

me: say hi to the girls!
cam: seriously.
paul: hi! [waving]
me: i didn't mean literally.

i was glad we didn't run into her again. god only knows what else she had to show.

August 1, 2007

red and squishy

the things we do for love. i cooked a dairy-free, gluten-free beef stroganoff. it turned out pretty good -- or so i was told -- but i'm not sure it was worth the total disgust i felt while cutting up the raw beef. vileness.

July 29, 2007

size matters

there are few things i like to see more than a child with child-sized furniture -- it is almost as damnably adorable as a pair of 2T boxer briefs.

July 25, 2007

silly tees

i've been meaning to write about this since friday night, but i was kind of either too busy or too drunk or too asleep to do so.

so. on friday night, cam and i went to dinner after work (standard for the every other friday that paul spends with cam's parents). before cam picked me up, i went to the work open bar with my assistant and a few other folks from our floor. cam showed up before i finished my drink, so i downed my g&t and left.

a g&t on an empty stomach. mmm. i was pretty happy before we even left downtown.

we ate at red robin. two beers each. mmm. i could have curled up and gone to sleep.

on our way out, we passed through nordstrom. a girl in a red "usc girls rock" t-shirt walked past us. cam and i squeezed hands (the universal signal for "get a load of that").

me: now, the question is -- did she buy that or did she have it made?
cam: she had to buy that.
cam: if she had it made, it would be in puffy paint.
me: no, it would have been in puffy paint if she had made it herself.

i then went on to describe a shirt i had once owned as a child with the same kind of velvety lettering as on usc girl's shirt. part of the way through the story it hit me that i was drunk-babbling because nobody but my mom (and the friend who gave it to me) should know about this shirt.

cam: you can't start talking about this and not tell me what it said.
me: [sheepishly] on the front, it said "grace..."
me: on the back, "... is cute."
cam: har!
me: [desperately] i didn't buy it!

while we were chatting, i caught a glimpse of an odd sight. i clutched cam's arm. walking in our direction, not too far from us, were two young men. one was dressed in an ordinary shirt, so ordinary i couldn't even tell you what color it was. the other was in a bright blue tee with the cheerful text, "i love hot moms."

as they passed by, cam murmured that he'd tell me a secret.

me: what?
cam: he checked you out.
me: what?
me: who?
cam: i love hot moms.
me: [snort]
cam: i wasn't going to tell you which one, but you had to ask!

i laughed all the way home. god bless alcohol, self-aggrandizing girls and oedipal boys.

July 22, 2007

service

went out to dinner with cam. after the waiter carded us (which, once we hit 30, became a bit of a treat), he looked at my ID, smiled and said i looked younger than that. i giggled like a schoolgirl.

it's a good thing he started out strong, because he messed up my order and then took a little bit too long getting us the bill at the end of the meal. a less smiley waiter would have received a subpar tip at that point, but me, well, i like flattery.

waiter: see you next time.
cam: [mimicking waiter] see you next time.
me: shut up.

seeing the truth on the back of a car

during a smoke break with the bride (how funny that sounds), we laughed somewhat artificially at a bumper sticker-type phrase that came up in a conversation about our identically-aged toddlers: "mommy drinks because you cry."

her: [looking off into the distance] i would insert my name right there.

it was a very cheesy, very bumper-stickery moment. i felt slightly superior. surely that couldn't be me, too.

yet here i am, a week later, just realizing that when we get to eat out sans child, my dinner choices are often based on the booze offerings of our local restaurants. yes, it has been those kinds of days/weeks/months lately. i stand corrected. one day, i will iron that phrase onto a t-shirt and wear it proudly.

hopefully it won't be a maternity shirt, though, or i will get lots of lectures.

July 16, 2007

crying at the discoteque

x: you are a completely different person on the dance floor.
me: that is hardly surprising, considering we're in the office right now.
me: i don't think i know anyone who is exactly the same on the dance floor AND in the office.
x: aww man, erase what i just said.

July 15, 2007

wedded bliss

all started out well at the wedding cam and i attended last night.

we went from cocktail hour in a nice little indoor courtyardesque area with a fountain, a bar and bizarre stretchy black slipcovers turning ordinary bar tables into pillars to a brief yet sweet ceremony in a pretty garden with waterfalls and greenery -- to sped-up 80s hell in a dark ballroom decorated with white lilies, black linens, a dummy kneeling before a guillotine, a headless marie antoinette (foam head looking up, bewildered, from the floor) and a large toile screen depicting the storming of the bastille. (the screen was situated behind the dj table; a smaller version of it graced the front of said table.) it was a little bewildering, to say the least.

plus they had a really painfully bad dj with a michael jackson fixation.

that said, we had fun. i finally met some of cam's newer coworkers, had four strangely weak (yet impressive looking) gin & tonics, danced to new order and smiled at a wobbly-legged ten-month-old daughter of clown/juggler/magician/mime.

considering the bride and groom worked for the same company (which is owned by the bride's brother), i was surprised that it was more of a family party than a company one. i admit it, i was expecting a slightly sunnier version of the company christmas party. there were quite a few kids. one of cam's coworkers asked us why paul wasn't with us. i pictured paul screaming "too loud!" and was glad it hadn't occurred to me that we could bring him.

the bride tried to set up one of cam's coworkers with a friend of hers from the peace corps. we deemed her too sorority. i think she probably deemed him too geek.

we smoked too much and mocked lots of people. cam tried to convince people to watch "burn notice." i liked watching the kids dancing. cam's newly married boss looked really happy. when we left, the dj was spinning "don't stop believin'." it was like the end of sopranos, i think. when you think about my first impression of cam's boss' boss, it was an appropriate ending.

in the lobby, a kid hefted a headless dummy (sans guillotine) and grumbled, "jesus, this is heavy."

cam and i smoked and sang at the top of our lungs ("our volume is controlled by the volume of the radio," he pointed out) all the way home. it was sort of like being young again -- not that we're old, but, well, parenting kind of changes your idea of fun. we were planning to hit an arby's on the way home for potato cakes, but the local one was closed by the time we got there. oh well.

paul was awake when we got home. late naps mean late bedtime, unfortunately. i crashed in his room while trying to get him to go to sleep. thanks to a 2 am tylenol run, i woke up surprisingly hangover-free. good times. i let cam sleep in.

best wishes to the newlyweds and family. our thanks for a good party.

July 12, 2007

admired from afar

my assistant mentioned to me the other day that his brother thinks i'm cute. i've never been anyone's hot boss before. it's kind of amusing.

tuneful spree

just bought a few songs off itunes:

"skin" (alexz johnson/instant star)
"but not for me" (elvis costello)
"best i ever had (grey sky morning)" (vertical horizon)
"slow dancing in a burning room" and "gravity" (john mayer)

yeah, yeah, i AM an adult contemporary station waiting to happen. yes, cam, i know my taste in music (conventional) doesn't exactly float your boat these days... but at least i didn't buy any more of the "high school musical" soundtrack.

July 10, 2007

data's day

sometimes i am a little robot.

a few weeks back, we saw a one-man show about george gershwin. certain songs made me feel a little funny -- like i wanted to cry. i was going to tell cam about it, but the sentence that instantly formed in my head was all but impossible to get out because, well, i started to laugh each time i tried to say it. i even snorted once.

a day or two later, i managed to express myself.

me: some of the gershwin songs made me feel what i believe is the sensation commonly referred to as "chills."
cam: you don't know chills?
cam: [astonished chuckle]
cam: it's like you don't know love.

yesterday i had another one of those moments.

i was talking about crossing jordan and i mentioned that i might have an episode saved because it contains the HUGE bug/lily moment. i started to say something, but then began to laugh helplessly. cam demanded to know what it was i was going to say, but i couldn't say it. i told him i'd tell him later, but i suspect that it would still be very hard to say, "yes, i have permanently saved that particular episode because the ending is marked by the moment when, in common parlance, bug grows a pair."

July 9, 2007

evader

me: [laughing at toddler's attempts to avoid her mother]
me: oh, this is so much fun when it's not mine.
toddler's mother: [gritted teeth] yeah, isn't it?

July 8, 2007

inflamed

on the fourth of july, several bugs in my in-laws' backyard decided that i might be a tasty treat.

today i am crippled by a red, painful and swollen right knee. i don't know what bit me, but man, it got me good. shit.

July 3, 2007

like death and taxes

me: did you hear?
me: my boss is on vacation again.
x: he must be doing something right.
me: no kidding.
x: is his significant other rich?
me: i believe so.
me: once they got together, suddenly he was always going on vacation!
me: i need me a rich boyfriend.
x: well, i'll give you a call when i make a lot of money...

June 29, 2007

freeing up some cash

i got my review and a nice little raise. to reward myself, i paid off the balance of my grad school loan (wasn't much left, just a little over a thou). i'm so practical sometimes it makes me sick.

June 3, 2007

orangey

cam and i went to south coast plaza to try to find a dress for a wedding that we'll be attending next month. while i didn't find THE dress, we did buy an orange short-sleeved cotton dress (with pockets) from h&m. even though it wasn't a petite dress, it still fit quite well.

one day i'll have to wear it to work -- and everyone will die of shock. because. it's. not. black.

June 2, 2007

shockingly quiet

i promised cam i wouldn't work on friday night. since i've been covering for my friend on vacation, i've been working every day and every night, trying to get my work done, his work done, and, for the last three days, my assistant's work done.

i kept my promise with the aid of wine, frozen garlic bread (decadent stuff, that frozen garlic bread), and tivo'd csi: miami and crossing jordan.

but the funny thing is that when i finally checked my email, there wasn't really anything new from last night. the same has been true all day today -- it's eerie. i wish i could enjoy the silence, but i find myself nervously gearing up for a storm.

May 28, 2007

jig

i have said in the past that i like doing jigsaw puzzles because they are a relaxing kind of pastime. but i'm working on one right now and it's pretty far from relaxing -- it's annoying -- so i don't know how longer i'll be feeding myself this particular line of bullshit.

happy memorial day, y'all.

May 11, 2007

99 cents

the best way to get over a song is to buy it. and that is why i now own katharine mcphee's "over it." damn that vapidly catchy song.

April 22, 2007

son of alan

i just can't find robin thicke or his voice sexy. i just can't. and his lyrics, laid bare by the joys of closed captioning, just leave me gawping in astonishment at the tv. oh well. i must be too old.

April 18, 2007

live an entire life in a day

am playing with an alter ego emulator. good god, this certainly brings back memories. the intro text is so familiar. i remember how my brother and i snickered over it.

we loved alter ego when we were kids -- partially because it was interesting and partially because there were naughty bits. okay, mostly because there were naughty bits. we'd play until the disk drive on the commodore 64 would heat up enough to justify turning on a fan and putting a damp towel over the back of the drive, over the vent, i think. (yeah. i know.) we had both the male and female versions because, well, we had to get both.

i've been feeling a little nostalgic for my brother lately, so i decided to look for an emulator. lo and behold, it was so astonishingly easy to find i was kind of sad i hadn't looked before.

when we first started playing, we tried to answer the questions truthfully, but that wasn't always the most fun:

Of course you are. All babies are beautiful. You do not have a very good self-image.

duh, it's us. of course we had image problems. it was more fun to try to be truly an altered ego. to be the jock, the jerk, the opposite. but... of course, it's hard to maintain that level of lie upon lie (so to speak) and we'd inevitably revert to type, dying peacefully with the clearest of clear consciences.

April 17, 2007

place

one of the first things i need to do in order to be happier at work is figure out my place/role/whatever at work and then take three steps back. i suspect i give myself too much credit.

April 14, 2007

rediscovered pleasure

a friend from work recently loaned me a book -- year's best sf 4. it's the 1999 edition of a yearly anthology of published science fiction short stories/novels. he recommended it because of ted chiang's "story of your life."

it's been a long time since i've read sci-fi. i read blogs. i read magazines. i read children's books. when i want to read an adult book, i dive into hercule poirot mysteries and meander through dick francis thrillers. in and out in two hours. no subtlety. no nuance. (if there's any, well, i ignore it for the familiar idiosyncrasies and beloved locales.)

this story was amazing -- i loved it. and many of the stories were entertaining. thanks, my friend. i owe you one.

April 13, 2007

panty raid

did you hear about the story of the geek squad tech who used his phone to tape a girl in the shower? it's like revenge of the nerds. dude, how painfully '80s of you. eeew.

April 11, 2007

counting time by minutes and seconds

um, let me clarify the whole "really long time" thing of the last post:

when was the decision made? a few days ago. but we've been debating the second child issue since the day paul was born -- and, honestly, there's something funny going on timewise because i suddenly feel five years older.

it embarrasses me a little bit that in all the time we've been wavering, people have had multiple children. both cousins with kids paul's age have already added additional little people to their brood. paul was beginning to be -- simultaneously -- too young and too old. i could see myself explaining to strangers one day, "yes, i know he's only ten and therefore a little young for merlot, but he's fluent in four languages and has been seeing a marvelous therapist since he was four." that would be the end of it. paul would wear a little tie and carry a mini tumi briefcase and we'd be a tiny family of workaholics.

but now that cam and i have made the decision to have another child, it's kind of amazing how relieved i am. i finally admitted to cam that as much as i didn't want to say, "i want a baby," i even more so didn't want to say, "that's it, no more babies for us." the idea of it, the finality of it, the enormity of it, was more than i could bear.

April 7, 2007

what's that on your head?

a friend told me about a little story about her year-old daughter.

apparently she had been finding random loose hairs and various bits of carpet lint on her daughter's head. she'd be combing her hair, and next thing you know, there'd be bits of stuff just coming off of her little head. for the life of her, my friend just could not figure out how all of this was getting on her head. she wasn't rolling on the ground or anything like that.

then one day, she caught her in action. examining the floor closely, the baby found a hair. she picked it up with her tiny fingers, looked at it -- and then put it on her head.

i nearly fell over laughing. guess she thought it was her own?

March 28, 2007

vacation day

today i took the day off to spend it with my mother. trip to the cemetery, brunch, shopping. we had a nice time. it was my first day off work since october. imagine that.

March 27, 2007

frivolous tastes

the most decadent -- and rarest -- of snacks would have to be the fresh plain raised doughnut. i know of only one place that will sell these if you catch them before they glaze them all (bob's at farmer's market on third street, mid-wilshire), and oh my god, what a treat. forget fresh krispy kreme originals... these plain doughnuts are divine.

still cringing

i am a ridiculous prude. a coworker told me a story yesterday about "toy porn" (unintentional bump 'n' grind between a tickle me elmo and a talking dog) and i was so embarrassed i was all but speechless. she just told it again to someone who had been out of the office yesterday and i was embarrassed again -- albeit from a distance. eeesh.

March 23, 2007

1998

today is my nine-year anniversary at work. how am i celebrating? i'm so stressed i'm smoking again. lovely.

March 18, 2007

three bags full

today at expo cam startled me greatly by expressing a fondness for angela adams' kenga wool rug. i had never pointed this rug out before because i thought cam wouldn't like it.

apparently you don't know me very well," he said, laughing.

the salesman started the hard sell right away. we asked if they carried it in a smaller size -- and they didn't, so he tried to explain to us that the larger size was really what we wanted, and trust him, he knew what he was talking about. there are few things i like less in this world than salespeople who say that. i find it insulting. good lord, is it so hard to fathom that i might have a notion of how i'd like to spend my money? he then went on and on about sales prices and expo credit cards. cam said that while he wouldn't advocate the purchase, he also wouldn't fight if i really wanted to buy it.

by the time we left the store, i was all fuffled. sure, i loved the rug, but at what price? i had just found THE rug just a few days ago, and here i was, potentially spending three times as much on a different one?

me: i'm just not very good at the expensive impulse buy.
cam: that's a good thing!

eventually i decided against buying the rug that day -- which is cool because i found out that everyone and their grandmother sells that rug cheaper than expo. maybe their final prices won't be as cheap as expo's sale price, but it's totally worth it to me to not feel railroaded.

March 15, 2007

sun

i still see daylight when i get home from work. imagine that. the novelty has not yet worn off.

March 10, 2007

tubular

i look ridiculous smoking a cigar.

March 9, 2007

on the line

between mr. rogers and "how it's made," factory work looks positively seductive.

cam: this is kind of fascinating.
me: i think "mesmerizing" is the right word.

March 7, 2007

aces

many years ago cam and i stayed at the ace hotel in seattle for a few days. it was neat and different, but ultimately too hip for us. whenever we wanted to say that something was too... self-consciously hip or too modern, we'd derisively label it as being too ace hotel.

well. styles change and i am not the same z-gallerie-by-way-of-pottery-barn loving girl i was back then. i've been trying to scope out a new chair for the living room, so i found one (which i had seen many times and had only recently begun to like) and hopped over to flickr to see if i could find a real person sitting in one to get a sense of scale. cam laughed when i sent him a picture of an eames rar rocker... at the ace hotel. i cringe at myself.

March 6, 2007

how to deal

life at work and home has been making me cry lately. coworkers have been mean (and/or stupid), a neverending stream of extracurricular work has been landing on my already bowed shoulders, everyone has been sick, paul has been clingy and heartless by turns...

so how do i compensate? by thinking about all the things i can do to my living room. have already designed a ceiling lamp, am picking a rug and thinking quite hard about window treatments. it doesn't really work as a coping method, but at least it's a distraction.

March 5, 2007

biding my time

i think it's safe to say that this past weekend ranks fairly high up there on the suckiest weekends of all time list. i simply could not wait to get back to work.

February 28, 2007

making myself a cup of coffee right now

when paul is sick, the needy levels go off the charts. combine that with work issues that refuse to go away for even a moment -- and you have one very tired me.

work-work vs. home-work

it's the middle of the night and i'm feeling strangely awake, considering the fact i've been sleeping so poorly lately. i just finished reviewing a set of specs, and am about to start working on an update/revision to a manual i wrote about two years ago.

tuesday was beyond crappy. i was stressing over a variety of projects -- i was still fighting tears for the first half of the trip home -- and i was unsympathetic to cam because i was too busy being frustrated by work issues and people. paul is sick, so cam stayed home with him yesterday and managed to accomplish about half an hour or so of work during the day. (i believe they watched many, many episodes of mythbusters.) it's my turn now to stay home and watch him, but i'm going to try really hard to get some work done. because i fear that paul won't let me, i'm working a bit tonight.

i initially felt guilty about not staying home with paul the first day of his fever, but there wasn't any point to both of us staying home. besides, i was up with paul for much of the night before, so i needed the rest that only leaving home can give me. but then work turned out to be nothing but ass...

i should probably stop procrastinating and get back to work, but i'll be damned if i don't just feel like turning off the computer and curling up next to my poor sick little boy.

February 27, 2007

make

there is something oddly appealing about bre pettis.

February 26, 2007

enough with the witticisms

maybe i'm just mean, but why is it that so many people who think they're being ironic or intelligently funny really just come across as stupid? (yes, i am including myself in that.) gah.

February 25, 2007

ninety

today we went to my aunt's house in moreno valley to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. what a brave little woman she is. she bucked her family to marry the man she wanted to marry. she bucked her husband to send her daughters to school. she came to the states already a senior citizen. she's helped to raise almost all of her u.s.-born grandkids. but the rigors of age are kind of shocking. she's so tiny now, so feeble. i have a picture of her at my high school graduation and we're almost the same height. now, less than 14 years later, she's barely at my shoulder and stooped now, too boot.

is that the reward for sticking it out -- having to give in to the weakness and frailty of the human body? doesn't seem fair?

February 24, 2007

starts and stops

just got back from a night out -- dinner at earth, wind & flour (bad name, but yummy spinach salad) and "speed-the-plow" at the geffen. dinner was very nice. the play, meh. i know it's supposed to be satirical and snappy, but i was unmoved. too much yelling. far too much. theater is supposed to be yelly, sure, but this was ridiculous. still, though, we had a nice evening.

we almost didn't go. my mom was going to watch paul, but when we came home from work yesterday, she looked and sounded like crap. (and this is after she had a super-abbreviated week -- she was too sick to watch him on tuesday -- poor mom.) cam called his mom and sister (his dad wasn't going to be home) and offered them the tickets. his sister wasn't interested, so his mom was going to see if a friend would want to go with her. we ended that night thinking we weren't going to go.

the next day, we learned that his mom's friend couldn't make it. hm. cam's mom agreed to watch paul, and so we were back on. we made better time than we expected, so we were able to eat at a restaurant. yay! (don't laugh, we've had at least one last-minute meal via the in'n'out drive-thru before. how romantic.) we used to eat at earth, wind & flour fairly often, but we haven't been there in years so it was cool to go there again. (we had actually been contemplating another restaurant, but... it partially didn't sound appealing to me because i couldn't remember the name of it!) it looked exactly the same except for the very large tvs mounted on the walls. but interestingly enough, it seemed to me like no one was watching them. they were just sort of there.

after the play -- we practically ran out once the lights went back on; for once we didn't have to wait in line to get out of the parking garage -- we stopped at ralphs for milk (we were out) and then cam dropped me off at home on his way to pick up paul.

i really do enjoy these evenings out with cam. i was pretty damned grumpy when i thought we weren't going. then once we were actually heading to westwood, i was feeling rather grumpy because i thought cam didn't want to go -- but he cleared that up and we bought doughnuts to eat on the way. life is always shinier and happier with doughnuts.

February 22, 2007

joyless convenience

a few weeks back cam started pushing the google reader on me. i resisted, but eventually gave in because i read too many blogs to visit daily -- because, you know, i have a job.

except for the blogs with lame feeds, this is working out nicely. the ability to share entries with cam does add a nice touch. and the reader really makes it so obvious which blogs update all the freaking time. the ones that hardly ever update (joel, do you hear me?), well, maybe i should drop them from my list... (kidding, joel)

however, with even with all of the fancy-schmancy new conveniences, it is hard to deny that it kind of takes some of the color out of the daily blogreading experience. this is going to sound stupid (especially considering that lots and lots and lots of people happily use feeds to keep tabs on just about everything), but i feel like a peeping tom. no more sense of community (not that i'm a comment-leaver, anyway). it's kind of like listening to a broadcast of a concert on the radio. you're probably hearing more than you would if you were there, but it's just not quite as fun.

February 16, 2007

times three

i think there are few things funnier than the concept of the "triple threat." if you market yourself as such, then quite possibly you aren't really good at anything. specializing in one thing and doing it really really well is hardly something to sneer at.

unassisted

my assistant is on vacation. when he returns, i think he will initially be frightened because i have cleaned his desk. i couldn't help it. i was looking for stuff.

Cameron: har. is his desk messy?
me: yep
it doesn't help, though, that i am a frustrated professional organizer
i have levels of AR that have not yet begun to be tapped
Cameron: for your sake, i am sorry that you are married to me

he will also be alarmed by the files, which i have rearranged and relabeled for the sake of uniformity.

a friend and i discussed decorating his cubicle while he's gone. cam thinks i should put up pictures of other people and generally make it look like we hired a replacement in his absence. i might do that if i have time, but i suspect it might take me the whole time to get things straightened out the way i like them.

February 14, 2007

per our conversation

joel -- i said i would do this. poke, poke. START WRITING AGAIN ALREADY.

red

today is "go red for women day," sponsored by the american heart association. at my work, we're permitted to wear a red shirt/sweater/etc. etc. with jeans in exchange for a $5 donation.

in my jeans, blue shoes, red sweater (it's a reversible red/navy thing -- surely you don't think i'd own anything just red, do you?) and red/white/blue colts hat, i look like a cast member of america sings! amusingly enough, my friend looks the same way (sans hat, of course, although she did tell me it was very cute).

x: we're all gonna look like clones.

from what i could see, most of IT was just not doing the jeans thing, so we didn't have to worry about looking like them. i think maybe i saw two guys in red shirts and jeans. one of them was an asian guy that just a few weeks ago told someone in my department to shut up. for that reason alone i feel quite warmly towards him, so i was pleased to see that he had followed directions. my assistant wasn't wearing a red shirt, but it was because he -- or so he claimed -- had just discovered that he no longer fit into the one he was planning to wear.

i'm feeling rather ambivalent about the clothes i chose to wear. for one thing, the sweater is too high-necked. the shoes make my feet look like they belong to a stuffed animal. the jeans are too close-fitting. i wear baggy, drapey clothes. i was sort of ashamed to walk around because i felt like people were all, "damn, didn't know she was a pear." it was distracting. yet -- i was physically comfortable. does that make any sense at all?

although it was a nice change of pace, i'll be glad to be back in my normal attire tomorrow. there's something so very like anarchy in wearing jeans in the middle of the week. i need things to revert to normal so i can concentrate on regular things, like work.

February 13, 2007

dispensing with a smile

several years ago cam and i pared down our bath routines by putting up one of those shampoo dispensers in the shower. our first model held two bottles, one for shampoo, one for conditioner. no longer did i have six barely touched bottles of conditioner cluttering up my shower. sure, whatever i used had to be fairly unisex, but that wasn't a big deal. it was lovely, convenient, and for once i didn't have to look at the bottle of dandruff shampoo. from that moment on i knew that i always wanted to have a dispenser in the shower. variety be damned -- here we had the beauty of simplicity.

when we moved to this house, we upgraded to a three-chamber dispenser with side compartments and a clock. serviceable but ugly. a few months back, i noticed that the conditioner pump wasn't really working. i shook it, re-primed the pump and watered down the goop to something slightly less goopy, but nothing worked. add more water, cam advised. the stuff was soon the consistency of cetaphil, but still nothing. every time i wanted to use conditioner, i'd first waste precious showering moments trying to get the pump to work, then i'd pry the bottle out of the dispenser, remove the top and pour some into my hand. one day it slipped out of my hand and fell to the floor of the tub. much to my dismay, the bottle was cracked right at the pump. not knowing what else to do, i left it propped across the faucet handles. i'd figure something out, i told myself.

weeks passed and the bottle was still there. i had half-heartedly searched for a replacement bottle, but found nothing. it occurred to me that maybe it would be a good idea to replace the whole thing if i could find one i liked better. look at it this way -- when i bought the current one, i had only bed, bath and beyond in front of me. now, as an experienced internet shopper par excellence, i figured that surely there had to be something even beyond that. well. did you know that very few companies make these dispensers? by very few, i think i mean one. after a while, i gave in and ordered some replacement bottles from that one company. i had originally planned to just get one until i realized that the flat-rate shipping was more expensive than the bottle itself. i bought three.

while transferring the syrupy dregs from the cracked bottle to its replacement, i found a tiny blue ball mucking about in the bottom. it looked familiar, like it had been mucking about for quite a while. in fact, i recalled seeing it once the pump stopped working. i soon came to realize that it was a part of the pump mechanism, and that if the ball escaped from the pump, it would no longer work -- which meant that all that watering down of my conditioner and all that shaking that goddamned thing was entirely for naught. well, shit. once the pump stopped working, i should have been thinking about replacing the stupid bottle.

it's funny how otherwise-workwise-logical people can be so dumb about household goods. jesu cristo. how could i be defeated by a shampoo dispenser?

February 9, 2007

job security

at work we have these cool copy machines that can also make pdfs (ooh, magic) and then email them to designated recipients. going one step further, you can even make a cover sheet that will tidy up the process. for instance, rather than having the email come from some random-sounding workstation email address, you can set it up to have the email come from a specific person. (you know, like yourself.) you can also use the cover sheet to set up a distribution list, a subject line for your email or a title for your pdf. it's really neat. you can even make your cover sheet single or multiple use.

i have a multiple-use cover sheet that i use regularly. it's very basic. emails come from me to me. yesterday i sent something to myself, but when it didn't show up within 15 minutes, i was baffled. mid-day it can take over an hour sometimes, but at 7 am, the email is usually in my inbox before i even get back from the copier. irritated, i went back and scanned in the document again. 15 minutes later, i still didn't have it. i went back to the copier and just typed in my email address. by the time i got back to my desk, the email from the random workstation was there. i just shrugged.

later that day, i happened to check my junk mail folder -- and there were those two emails from me. so! i'm a junk-mail sender! that's what my firm thinks of me? i expect my pink slip on monday.

February 7, 2007

homebody

worked from home today. i couldn't do this all the time because it isn't really all that fair to my assistant, but it's a nice once-in-a-while treat. didn't hurt that cam was here, too, and so we got to hang out a little. lunch should always be pizza and csi: miami reruns.

i may not have finished reviewing some documents i brought home, but hey, i cleaned my closet and did some laundry. now -- isn't that what working from home is all about?

February 6, 2007

this is really dumb, but

a few months back, the building managers/owners/whatnot installed little screens in all of the elevators (okay, well, probably not the freight ones). these little screens are tapped into the captivate network. every single time i get into an elevator, i think one of two things:

"mesmerize" would work just as well as "captivate"
or
ha ha, we're a "captive" audience

now that i've admitted this, maybe now i can get past the cheesy jokes and just revel in the pleasure of being hand-delivered trivia and advertising while on the go. there's a reason why i don't take the express elevators.

February 3, 2007

under a rock

where the hell have i been where MY MOTHER has to tell me that crowded house is re-forming and touring? what kind of a fan am i? and oh my god, coachella? i can't bring paul to that.

neil, i apologize to your shrine on my living room wall. clearly it needs dusting.

partial retraction

my cap came today, just in time for the game tomorrow. i'm happy, but... you know, the game was 1/21. cam would have paid for expedited shipping if nflshop had even offered it.

February 2, 2007

juggling

on my way to bring the laundry down to the basement, i picked up cam's copy of the new penny arcade book. there i stood, in the kitchen, for 15 minutes, more than long enough for a cd to be added to my itunes library (indeed, long enough for five cds). dammit. so i went back to my laptop, put in another cd and started to write about being not making it to the basement before the first cd was done. while looking for the book (which as of 2/2 is not yet on thinkgeek), another cd finished recording. i'm so useless. i'm going to finish this entry -- very meta -- and put in another cd, then i'm going to go back to the kitchen to pick up my laundry and bring it down to the basement. this time i will avert my eyes from that infernal book. damn you, gabe and tycho, for this odd sequence of events. i just want to be a housewife, for god's sake.

January 31, 2007

feeding my obsessions

my sister-in-law gave me a pillow with a five-legged octopus (pentapus?) for christmas. she gave me a similarly marine life'd t-shirt for my birthday.

i love her.

luddite no longer

so. i never wanted an ipod, but cam wore me down.

stage one: hell no.
stage two: um, i wouldn't throw it away.
stage three: okay, when you get a new one, i'll take your old one.
stage four: fine, buy me one for my birthday.

and now i have one, complete with a fancy shmancy tokidoki iskin. ugh. do you know how hard i avoided all things frivolously prefixed by the letter i? i feel like a traitor to my very soul.

that said, the clothed ipod is ridiculously cute (cam bought me "milky time"), and itunes -- as a storage facility -- is pretty useful. i don't plan to record all my cds to my computer and then just junk all the cds because i do love the tangibleness of a cd, nor do i plan to start buying music off itunes, so i guess i'm still a big stuck-in-the-past wuss, but i'm taking baby steps. even the most stubborn can change. paul won't need to be ashamed of me.

January 27, 2007

orient express

just finished "agatha christie: murder on the orient express," a game based on the novel of the same name (sans the author name, obviously). cam gave it to me for christmas. i started it yesterday. being sick has meant that i don't look like a lazy bastard sitting in one place for a prolonged amount of time.

i have two things to say about the game:

1) the LIBERTIES taken with the story! good lord.

2) thank god for online assistance/walkthroughs. i felt like a putz resorting to such things, but after telling cam about some of the weird shit you have to do in the game, he remarked rather sourly that "poirot wasn't macgyver." true dat.

January 24, 2007

careless of me

today someone asked me about paul. (what a shock. i get questions about paul every day. sometimes many times a day. in all sorts of inappropriate settings, like in meetings. or in bathrooms.)

so i tossed out my usual answer: he's great, thanks for asking -- although let me tell you, the terrible twos were nothing at all compared to the terrible threes!

somehow i managed to forget that such a comment might make a fellow parent-of-toddler nervous. oops. sorry about that!

January 23, 2007

pursepak

the coin-op tampon machine in the bathroom at work is a thing of beauty. it's not a particularly attractive bit of metal, but the very existence of it means that i don't have to walk past the IT cubicles with sanitary supplies clutched in hand/hiding in my sleeve.

i tend to not wear pockets, and the very idea of wearing clothes with pockets one week a month is a little ludicrous. although i'm pretty sure no one here would put two and two together, i am always reminded of the ex-boyfriend in high school who mockingly pointed out how he could always tell who was having that kind of week simply by observing which females were suddenly carrying purses. who else notices that kind of stuff? you never know. the peace of mind is totally worth the spare change i feed the machine.

dream street

can you hear the music playing?
can you feel the rhythm swaying?
this is the sound of dreams come true
and i can promise you that
you are the one and only
and i'm the lost and lonely
we are the perfect dream come true
and i can promise you that
i hear a silly love song in my heart

it happens every time when I see you
it happens every time when I think of you
it happens every time
oh it's magic when we meet
baby down on dream street

i can't believe i have this song on my playlist. good lord. damn those catchy kids and my former radio disney addiction.

January 22, 2007

gone tomorrow, part II

this morning my mom watched me as i got ready for work.

my mom: did you cut your hair?
me: [slow pivot and hard glare]
me: [thinking] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, I JUST CUT OFF OVER A FOOT OF HAIR ABOUT A WEEK AGO.
my mom: [backtracking] i just thought it was longer than that.
me: oh no, this is how it's been.
my mom: oh, okay. [slinking away]

out-of-office

got an email from a coworker:
not feeling up to par today, but expect to be in tomorrow.

knowing him, i wrote back:
too much football (yay colts!), too much beer? :)

his response:
what a game.

perhaps my company needs to add a new category to our benefits: hangover time.

January 21, 2007

greeting card replacement

a few days before cam's birthday a letter arrived from a honda dealer. thinking it might be important, i tucked it into my purse to open/process at work the next morning. much to my utter astonishment, it was a note from the salesman who had asked me to type for him:

dear cameron,
!!! happy birthday !!!
happy birthday to you!..
happy, happy birthday to you!..
happy, happy birthday to cameron!..
happy birthday to youuuuuu!!!!!

i immediately scanned it in and emailed it to cam, whose reaction was less than kind.

cam: wtf?

on friday another copy showed up, identical except for the fact that it was addressed to me instead of cam. it's a nice gesture -- i mean, i don't think he could have the dealer receptionist do this kind of stuff -- but it's just so... nutty. much more nutty than the fact that cam's audi salesman sent over an unsigned photo christmas card of himself standing in front of the dealership.

unfestive

christmas stuff officially came down last weekend. i had already removed the decorations the week before that (during the colts-chiefs game), but cam didn't pull down the tree for a week. while cam was taking apart the tree, i took the christmas cards off the wall (which i should have done earlier, but i wanted to make sure i got a picture of my display before i dismantled it). the living room is just about back to normal.

when i started removing ornaments from the tree, paul was miffed, but it was time. (i had wanted to take the tree down before new year's day, but he had requested an extension.) as soon as i lifted one shiny blue ball off a branch, paul was standing in front of me.

paul: no!
paul: don't do that.
paul: we can leave it up all decorated.
paul: soon it will be christmas again!
me: so, what you're saying is that we should leave everything the way it is all year long so that when it's christmas again we'll be ready?
paul: yes.
me: um, NO.
cam: [laughter]
paul: [walks away in defeat]

i'm all for shortcuts and economy of motion, but jesu cristo, ignoring the post-holiday clean-up for the sake of saving some time in december is just not an option that appeals to me.

mid-seventies II

happy birthday to me.

courtesy of cam, i now own the tenth anniversary cd/dvd set of crowded house's farewell concert and a shiny new ipod nano. he is the sweetest.

January 17, 2007

exhaustive study

there are a bunch of IT guys outside my office discussing tech (but not IT) stuff. i'm not really paying much attention to what they are saying but their pedantic tones are leading me to think one thing: how wonderful it must be to KNOW EVERYTHING. god. get a room.

January 16, 2007

mild exercise

bought an exercise bike (schwinn 213 recumbent). it's great -- quiet and easy to use. i was going to use some of my bonus money to buy an expensive bag, but i decided to spend less than half of a purse price to become a new year's cliche instead.

i've been feeling really unhealthy lately, so i'm hoping that this purchase will motivate me to actually do something about that not-so-lovely feeling. if it doesn't, then maybe it will motivate me to hurry up and build that freestanding screen i've been meaning to build in order to hide the exercise equipment clutter in my living room. we'll just have to wait and see which impulse wins: health or guilt?

hairy

reactions to my hair have been positive. cam likes it. my mother has been noncommittal. the two people at work who noticed thought it was cute. it's definitely a lot easier to deal with the shorter hair. paul didn't like it at first, amusingly enough.

cam: look at mommy's hair.
cam: don't you want to look at mommy's cute short hair?
paul: no.
paul: [sniffly] i don't want to look.

i don't miss my hair, really, not that much. i don't miss getting my hair caught under my handbag strap in the crook of my elbow or my forearm. i don't miss paul pulling my hair for fun, but i do miss paul grabbing handfuls of my hair for the sole purpose of putting it on his head.

paul: share hair.
paul: i'm sharing your hair, mommy.

January 14, 2007

gone tomorrow

i have shoulder-length hair now, and i'm not entirely thrilled with it. should have gone shorter. maybe it'll be okay once my hair gets over the shock of a haircut, but for now it's entirely too bouncy for my taste.

January 13, 2007

panic and fear and nerves, oh my

during last week's colts game, i suddenly remembered why i've given up on football this year (and last year, pretty much) -- it's nerve-wracking. cam laughed.

hair today

am getting a haircut this weekend. shoulder-lengthish, i guess. i've asked cam to take a picture of my hair (after i comb it) tomorrow because i may never have my hair this long again. that's kind of a weird thought, isn't it?

January 12, 2007

sparky

am having the worst issues with static electricity ever. my hair is flying, my clothes are sticking... i wish static guard didn't smell so strong. phew.

January 4, 2007

cryptkeeper

i tracked down an old email for a friend/co-worker. he was pleased.

You? Are amazing. Like a pack rat, but in the best way possible. Thanks.

sweetie, it's called "personal archives." look into it.

January 3, 2007

falling prey to an amusing gimmick

am sending away for two free issues of dwell magazine. am not fond of dwell, but... they sent me a sheet of address labels, which so charmed me i decided to give them another shot.

January 1, 2007

the hills

cam's sister recently showed paul part of "the sound of music" (the lonely goatherd song). then she accidentally deleted her tivo'd copy. we happened to be near best buy yesterday, so we picked up the dvd.

paul really likes it, but i don't think he could watch it from beginning to end at this point. cam has never actually seen the movie before, but he was surprised to see how many songs he knew.

cam: i knew it was rodgers and hammerstein...
me: um, yeah, because that's something all guys know.

it's such a charming movie. i have a soft spot for the goatherder song because of an aphio talent show back in college, so it's kind of sweet to have that memory brought back to me.

living greener

cam and i have really been working on our recycling efforts. in the last few months, we have probably doubled or tripled our recycling and have reduced our trash output accordingly. it's kind of funny -- we used to semi-indulgently roll our eyes (collective eyes, yes) whenever we'd discover my mom had stealthily removed items from our trash in order to recycle them. now she's the one amused by our diligence in rinsing out containers and bottles.

for me, part of the change in routine came about when paul got a tonka recycling truck. it came with a dvd about garbage trucks and recycling. the landfill part was so depressing. i've watched it a few times since, but i've never felt comfortable about it -- so here we are, earnestly separating our trash from our recyclables and occasionally feeling a sense of bemusement about how we have changed.

December 30, 2006

been hearing them a lot recently

i know it's not particularly cool, but i do like hootie & the blowfish.

teppanyaki

went to lunch at tokyo wako in long beach today for a belated birthday lunch (cam's dad and uncle). usually the birthday lunches (and father's day lunches) are held at benihana in torrance because cam's dad loves the place. i haven't been to one since paul was born because, well, it's a little too dangerous for a toddler and the chance for cross-contamination is just far too great. this time we just decided to brave it because cam was able to confirm that there would be something for paul to eat, even though this, too, was a teppan steak house.

before lunch we stopped by the aquarium of the pacific (me: look, it's the aquarium of the atlantic!) because it was in the same area as the restaurant. paul seemed to enjoy the short visit, even though it was really crowded.

me: i think it was so packed with little kids because they were all too young to want to go somewhere fun like an amusement park.
me: did you notice how there weren't any bigger kids there?

paul didn't care for the little movie/documentary thing they started playing at about a quarter to twelve, but that was good timing because it was time for us to head over to the restaurant.

paul: i want to go someplace quiet.

lunch went pretty well. we had a private room and the table area was quite roomy. paul, unfortunately, decided at the first blast of fire that THIS WAS A VERY BAD PLACE and i spent the first half of my time there walking around with him in my arms.

paul: i want to go someplace where i won't be so warm.

we ended up at the restrooms.
me: this [pointing] is the women's restroom.
me: that [pointing] is the men's restroom.
paul: [pointing at the standard "men" sign] what does this say?
me: spell it.
paul: m-e-n
me: what does that say?
paul: men's restrooms.
me: not quite, but good try.

i swung him over in front of a private room.
me: look!
me: wrong room!

then i brought him back to our room.
me: look!
me: right room!
paul: let's do that again.
paul: let's go to the restrooms, the wrong room and the right room.
me: i knew i shouldn't have started this.

we had to go through the routine three more times.

after lunch, we walked around a little and looked at pirate ships. i think one of them might have been from a pirates of the caribbean movie. we played some running around games with paul on the scary, scary lacking-railings pier (cam: it's funny how we're so obviously afraid to let him even ten feet out of our reach), then, at his behest, took the free bus back to the aquarium parking structure.

cam dropped my mom and myself off at home, grabbed guitar hero 2 (and guitar) and took paul to his grandparents' house. my mom and i went shopping.

it was a nice way to spend a day, i think. lowkey.

wraps

the other day cam and i went to the target near my old house. it's been a while since we've been there. they haven't been restocking much because they're going to be closing in january for remodeling.

i needed some press 'n' seal (love that stuff, even if you have to scrub plates, etc. kind of hard to be sure you get the adhesive off), so i went looked at their sadly depleted shelves and could only find the freezer kind. Not ideal, but at least it was something. cam rooted around a bit and found a holiday two-pack of freezer and regular. according to the tag on the shelf, it was on sale for $8.99, a dollar off the regular price. thinking perhaps that the holiday boxes contained more wrap, cam checked the amounts only to find they didn't hold any more than the plain freezer wrap (which was only $2+).

cam: that can't be right.

he took the holiday wrap over to the price-checker. he came back smiling. it was only $2.50.

cam: you want more?

i took two. yay for a bargain, and yay for festive plastic wrap!

color coordinating

am wondering if i could find nice matching cases for my blackberry and my palm. cam finds this hilarious.

vino

stemless wine glasses are so cool.

December 25, 2006

like most cliches, all too true

the most parent-irritating gifts for children always come from people without children.

December 22, 2006

enough already

it's 2 pm the friday before christmas. it's really empty around here and i suspect all of the east coast offices closed hours ago. yet i still have work. quit it, people.

December 19, 2006

tiny nutty lies

i have a bad habit of not speaking up when people so generously give me nuts. i just can't say, "oh, thanks, you're so nice, but i can't eat that."

instead, i say, "oh, thanks, you're so nice."

friends and family who know of my allergy are aghast. "tell her!" they cry, a greek chorus singing warily of my impending death. the problem is that i probably have, at least once. if the message is not received, well, i'm not going to rebroadcast at the point when they have boxes of nutty goodness in their hands and friendly smiles on their faces. and if they're just eating it and not pushing me to have some, well, what can i say? "please stop eating that in front of me. i demand you lysol this entire cubicle to get rid of the scent."

just yesterday a friend told me i couldn't eat what she was going to bake. fine, i thought, pleased that she thought about this in advance.

me: well, as long as it doesn't have nuts...
her: coconut is a nut, right?
me: um, i can eat coconut.
her: really?

this same friend, amusingly enough, was crunching handfuls of a nutty trail mix while talking to me a bit later. she knows that just the smell can ruin an entire day for me, but she forgot. selective. (i guess based on our conversation, peanuts aren't nuts, they're peas.) i just held my breath and hoped she wasn't offended by my silence.

one of the most egregious nut-givers is one of the nicest ladies i know. i did tell her about my allergies (and paul's allergies), and she made sympathetic noises -- but then proceeded to give me snacks with nuts almost every day for a year. i just took them graciously, then wrapped them in ziplocs for my mom. (lucky her, she is not cursed with the same health issue.)

at this time of year, i expect to be offered nuts left and right. here's a peanut butter lollipop for all your help! here, taste this pecan pie i made just for you. next year maybe i'll put epinephrine on my xmas wishlist.

December 15, 2006

squares

been meaning to say for ages now that john mayer has got some seriously sexy music these days. i tivo'd a free concert out of curiosity a few weeks back and it was really interesting. "slow dancing in a burning room" is slinky and my-pants-are-coming-off-and-i-can't-stop-them sexy. whew.

December 14, 2006

zzz

i am working from home for the next two days. today paul is with me. (cam drove in -- his holiday party is tonight, right by his office.) tomorrow he will chill with grandpa while cam and i work.

i suspect that today won't be easy. paul is asleep, but he has woken up several times already. he went to bed around 11, woke up crying in his own bed at 1:30, came over to my bed, woke up screaming at 4, was carried back to his bed so that cam could get some sleep, fell asleep again, woke up at 6:45, was carried back to my bed, woke up at 7:45 and demanded to be carried, and now is asleep next to me on the couch. i am so tired.

paul: [crying] want mommy and daddy.
me: [already lying down next to him] but i AM mommy.
paul: [incredulous sideways look]
paul: [goes back to sleep]

i wonder what would happen if i took a little nap?

December 13, 2006

showy ergonomics

at work i got a new aeron chair, size a. i love it. i would smuggle it home in my purse if it would fit. my firm extended their discount pricing to anyone who wanted to order their own chair for personal use, but i was too shy and too afraid of anyone in my department seeing that i was willing to blow that much on an office chair.

December 12, 2006

grooming habits

just a few minutes ago i was in the restroom, following my usual morning routine of looking for silvery strands. a co-worker walked in and looked at me looking at the reflection of me plucking through my hair.

her: fleas?
me: nope, gray hair.
her: sucks.
me: yeah.

December 10, 2006

cool vibes and strong drinks

my work holiday party this year was the best ever.

i don't know how it is for most firms (cam's parties are the only ones i've attended, minus my dad's work holiday parties and his were very similar to mine), but my parties have generally been located in hotel ballrooms. the whole time you're there, you're very conscious of the fact that you are at a work holiday party. this one was at a club, so it was more like just being at a club with surprise! most of your coworkers.

the food was meh -- the buffet lines were poorly thought out, so it was kind of complicated just getting to eat. at least the bars were plentiful and well-stocked (for what i wanted, anyway). the way some people were behaving, it looks like they had skipped the buffet all together. can't say that i blame them. i had some pasta (which was tasty) and salad, which would have been good if it weren't for the final bite. i was eating as fast as i could because food was secondary that night, but the last bite of salad made me stop dead because i suddenly identified a nut-like thing (think it was a walnut) in my mouth. i didn't actually bite into it, though, and i think that's what saved my evening. cam ran and got me some sugar, so the sugar high combined with the g&ts gave me a slightly manic buzz which lasted the whole evening.

we got stuck in the elevator with a crowd of annoying people who wanted to talk about being stuck in the elevator. thank goodness the staff rescued us before too long.

once we hit the dance floor, we never left it except for brief air breaks. we danced and sang along with the headlining act, the former frontman of a famous '80s band. i flirted with the guitar player and a female backup singer. cam stole a tambourine off the stage. my boss was standing on the dance floor, watching the show (and his boyfriend dancing). we made eye contact and i somewhat sheepishly waved. my assistant and his wife showed up and we danced with them. a cover band took over and we danced some more with other members of my department -- including one woman who stuck her straw into my drink to see what i was drinking. if i had had more sense, i would have told her to keep my drink.

when we got home, paul had just woken up, upset. i sat on the couch with him to watch blue's clues, but when cam came back inside after putting the car in the garage, i passed paul off so i could pass out. i wanted to stay up with him, but all the drinking caught up with me and i felt like if i didn't lie down, i was going to throw up all over the child. all future parenting awards would have been revoked.

it was an excellent party. i fear i embarrassed myself, but i guess i won't know until i get to work tomorrow.

December 8, 2006

cosmetics counter

got my clothes ready for the party tomorrow and i'm not too jazzed about them -- i kind of wanted something new (embarrassing disclosure, that). i'll be wearing dark jeans, a black silk crepe tank, black leather wedge sandals and a black vintage kimono jacket-type thing with handpainted flowers on the back.

to contrast with what i fear will be drabness, i am going to whore myself up with makeup. i am going to wear so much liner that my eyelids will droop from the weight. i will heed the clown rule (don't emphasize eyes AND mouth), but i will break many others. i will have shiny neutral lips and my skintone will be even for the first time in years. can't wait.

tenderfoot

bought my mom two pairs of shoes -- she picked them, but i paid for them. the woman had the oddest (to me, anyway) request: they had to be really soft, fairly flat, open-toed and closed-heel. huh? i spent quite a bit of time looking, but ended up ordering them from a place that persists in sending me catalogs even though i am absolutely certain i have never ordered from them before. they seem to cater to people with foot/health problems, so i guess it was perfectly natural that we ended up there -- who else is going to have shoes comfy enough for my poor mom's tender diabetic feet?

my mother has always had fussy feet. when i was a kid she liked a certain brand of shoes we could only buy in select places... like san francisco. once we took a vacation up north just because she needed shoes. she bought four pairs. damn straight she bought four pairs -- you don't drag a spouse and two kids 400 miles for single pair of ugly shoes. maybe now they have improved in appearance, but back then they looked like nurse shoes (hopefully no nurses are reading this -- i don't mean to insult your appearance).

a few years back we discovered nike air prestos. high on my list of personal regrets is that i didn't buy 50 pairs back when they still made them (we only bought six pairs. two for me, two for my mom, two for cam). i missed it when nike temporarily revived the line. i didn't even realize it wasn't going to be around forever, so when i happened to check and saw them for sale, i thought, "piffle, i don't need any right now, i'll come back later." stupid me. my black pair is long gone, but i still have my navy blue pair with "swoo" on the side. even though they have a hole in them, i will keep them forever. my mom loved these -- they were so comfortable and so lightweight. she was very funny about her two pairs: one was for regular use, the other was for dressier occasions. obviously she kept the second pair very, very clean.

even though she loved the nikes, she did feel rather hesitant about the price. this made little sense to me. really, they were a bargain -- vacation expenses for a family of four easily top the price of even six pairs of shoes. she wearily hunted through her favorite stores for shoes that looked like her beloved air prestos, but never found any nearly comfortable enough. before she was a total freak about arch support. now she just wants softness.

my mother-in-law's best friend fairly recently tuned my mom into some five-toed japanese socks that she now swears by. they look kind of silly and are a pain to put on, but they make her feel better. she's keeping her source a secret from a friend who wants a pair. "why should i help her?" my mom asked. always a bastion of generosity, my mom is.

i'm hoping that the new shoes (which should be here soon) will be very comfortable. if they are, i'm willing to buy her as many pairs as i need to keep her in shoes for the rest of her life. it's the least i can do for the woman who ran after me and now runs after my son.

December 7, 2006

lawyerly

this makes me happy. the gratuitous use of "esq." is always pleasing.

slim pickings

went to the auto show last night. i am beat-up tired AND there wasn't anything really interesting to see. what a disappointment.

December 6, 2006

wtfwjd

is it so wrong to wish i could wear potentially offensive t-shirts all the time?

urbn

just saw an old post where i said we didn't shop at urban outfitters. i take that back, it's a huge raging lie. but at least i only buy housewares...

December 5, 2006

real subtle

me: hey, would you do me a favor?
my assistant: sure, what do you need?
me: would you please pipe down a little?
him: what?
me: you get a little loud sometimes.
him: when?
him: when was i loud?
[random raucous outburst from his partner in crime from outside]
me: just because ____ is that loud doesn't mean you have to be, too.
him: [understanding] oh, yes.
him: [grin] sorry about that.
me: no problem.

December 2, 2006

not too shabby

i baked a loaf of bread, washed three loads of laundry and became the pokemon league champion today.

December 1, 2006

preschoolers must like to row

it's really quite hilarious seeing how similar some preschool shows are. dora the explorer and mickey mouse clubhouse are very much the same sometimes -- both exhort their audience to stand up and follow along. "stand up. stand up, please!"

sometimes when we're watching mickey mouse clubhouse, i feel like i know what's going to happen next because we've already seen it on dora (back when paul liked dora -- gosh, maybe two years ago? a year ago? i don't know.) tiptoe past someone sleeping? check. reel in the fish/boot? check. count the stepping stones/alligators? check. useful skills there.

lolita'd

standing in front of the bathroom mirror at work, it occurs to me that with glasses and side-parted straight hair, all i need is a plaid skirt and a pair of knee socks to complete the transformation from corporate drudge to fetish object.

faux snow

my coworkers have begun decorating for the holidays. if they start playing christmas music, i am going to bring in paul's wiggles cds to play VERY LOUDLY.

it's kind of funny, this low-rent holiday decor. just now a few people left for big lots in order to buy new lights. (why they can do this in the middle of the day is totally beyond me.) apparently my last assistant was enough of a scrooge -- or so i've been told -- that he "sabotaged" the old light string, hence the need for a new one.

if i recall correctly, my last assistant also made some comments about the low quality of the decorating, but that may have been me. in my head. eh, i can blame him for whatever i want. it's not like he's here to defend himself.

November 29, 2006

frivolity

re the eyeglass coaster:

cam: i'm not surprised that you have one. i'm surprised that someone actually makes one.

binder clips

why do i automatically clip my papers in the same place every time?

November 28, 2006

tiny pieces

on the 19th, i bought a jigsaw puzzle. started it in earnest on the 23rd. finished it in the early hours of the 26th. doing a jigsaw puzzle with a toddler in the house is vastly different from working on one alone in my teenage bedroom in the middle of the night. good grief. sweetheart, baby, mommy would prefer that you NOT help.

pretzeled

cam hollered for his dad to stop bending over to pick up the sod from the ground, making me self-conscious about my own form. bend from the knees, not from the waist... i crouched quite obediently.

as a result, my legs are so sore i can hardly walk. my back, on the other hand, is just fine.

a rainy stroll

monday's rain caught us all by surprise, but no one was more surprised than my friend and co-worker. she had to bring her baby to the emergency daycare near work (which was planned), but she didn't expect to have to walk down the hill in pouring rain without an umbrella or a jacket and with her daughter's supplies in paper bags.

grace to the rescue. first i lent her my umbrella, then i offered to come along.

her: that would be bitchin'.

so we walked carefully down the hill. i pushed the stroller while she held the umbrella. when we got to the daycare, i played with the baby while she mixed formula and filled out forms. we finally got back to the office about half an hour later. it was a nice break, and i got to be a good samaritan. karma points are never a bad thing.

November 24, 2006

a list checked twice

our christmas lists (a tradition started just last year) are due today. i think my list is rather modest, but maybe i'm just being delusional.

1. steve burns plush doll
2. melamine decorative plates
3. kozyndan posters: "the bunnies fall," "uprisings," "bunny blossom" (any)
4. squid t-shirts (threadless, chimni, "angry squid" -- any)
5. against the day (thomas pynchon)
6. inhabit living "madera" stretched canvas in chocolate (any size)
7. fourlogs (stand optional)
8. aquis turban
9. tattoo
10. the absolute sandman, vol. 1

November 23, 2006

turkey

oh yeah, happy thanksgiving.

empty closet

december 9th is my work holiday party. it's at a club and promises to be quite the shindig. dress code is holiday casual (or something like that -- jeans and sweatshirts with blingy christmas trees on them?) and i am at a loss. what on earth am i supposed to wear to this thing?

November 22, 2006

age and power

a work-friend sent me an "official" email, "memorializing" a telephone conversation she had with a very, very, very renowned living legend at our firm (he was copied on the email, by the way).

me: even though he is long retired, if he wants something done, we jump!
her: damn skippie, young lady!