our girl was born friday afternoon. since her birth, we have proceeded to come up with a variety of unflattering nicknames for her -- major briggs, triops, seven pound burger, squeakers -- but i think it's fair to say these names were coined with affection.
and away we go...
tomorrow is my due date, but i don't expect to spend it in the hospital. nope, we'll save that for friday.
tomorrow paul and i are going to spend the day together while cam works from home (his last day before a two-week vacation). i am not sure what we're going to do. we've talked about a walk, i've thought about baking a cake, but chances are just as good that we'll sit on the couch and watch a variety of tivo'd shows about tornadoes. i'm not really sure how the day will go, but i am determined to not take up the day with housework and nesting-type crap when this is the last day that paul will be an only child. it will be a good day, goddammit.
today cam and i talked a little about stuff we'll do once the baby arrives. we'll come along to preschool, i declare bravely, we'll go for picnics, all four of us. we'll fly a kite, cam says, making a mental note to buy a new one because god only knows where the old one went. we smile, but there's a hint of nervous desperation behind it because we know that very soon things will NEVER BE THE SAME. may paul forgive us for what we are about to do to his world.
i know that i should be actively writing about the joys of nesting and the miracle of (waiting for) birth, but i'm just too damned tired, sick and stressed. this is not the way i envisioned my maternity leave would start. i guess i should be glad -- at the very least -- that i can suffer through the braxton-hicks contractions and hot flashes in the comfort of my own home.
this baby better be born before may 12 -- i will be most irritated if i have to pay additional postage when i send out the baby announcements.
had my baby shower yesterday. went surprisingly well, but man, i have a lot of thank you cards to write now. people are entirely too generous.
at 8 weeks:
asleep by 8.
at 38 weeks:
asleep by 8.
at 27 weeks:
x: how are you?
me: doing great, thanks for asking!
at 37 weeks:
x: any kicking?
me: yes, all the time.
me: CONSTANT discomfort, if you really want to know.
have been trying to settle on a pouch sling for the baby. i have a ring sling i used for a while with paul, but we never really got the hang of it. i do like the idea of babywearing, though, so i thought i'd give it another shot with a pouch. so far i'm debating a hotsling or a comfy joey. i was considering a peanut shell, but since i have a severe allergy to peanuts, i just can't get past the name. i know it's shallow, but...
i designed a birth announcement today. hope it prints out all right. part of me feels like i should mock one up in blue just in case my doctor and the lab tech are wrong and it's a boy...
cam informed me yesterday afternoon that i have begun to waddle. i am 35 weeks along, so it's not surprising -- i guess i should be glad it's taken me this long because i know i was waddling much much earlier with paul.
my back started to ache while i was standing at our file cabinets -- i was trying to sort through some papers in a drawer that was just below stomach-level. funny, i had spent some time rooting through that same drawer on friday and thursday without any ill effects. at first i started to feel old, then i just started to feel veryveryveryvery pregnant.
the other day my boss stopped by my office with his boss.
his boss: when are you due?
me: may 1.
my boss: [quickly] if she stands up, you'll be able to tell when she's due.
me: [wrinkled nose] um, thanks.
me: i think i'll just stay seated.
my boss: [on a roll] she is VERY DUE.
god, who asked you?
it's sunday morning and the guys are asleep. i know i should be off doing something useful (god knows i have enough to do), but i just want to sit here and stare into space. was i like this before i got pregnant? i could have sworn i was somewhat more industrious than i am now.
coworker: hey, you're getting bigger!
me: uh, yeah.
coworker: when are you due?
me: first of may.
coworker: [knowingly] oh, you have quite a ways to go still...
yeah. never stop a pregnant woman on her way to bathroom, especially if you're in the mood to comment on her size.
i wish my maternity leave started today.
i just made a horrifying discovery a moment ago.
i'm wearing a floral maternity dress today. it's a stretchy lycra-y fabric with white and pale blue line drawings of flowers all over a blue background. i like this dress so much, i have the same exact dress in black, too -- white and tan flowers over a black background. i wear this dress and/or the black one at least once a week. in the bathroom, i was looking at the dress in the mirror and i suddenly realized -- much to my absolute horror -- that the flowers on my stomach are HUGE. one and a half entire pregnancies after i bought this damned dress, i now see that the stretchiness of the fabric also means the stretchiness of the print.
i think i will safety-pin my cardigan shut.
paul: i have a new name for the baby and it's a funny one!
me: what is it?
paul: dee dee.
me: are you dexter?
paul: no -- you are.
me: because i have glasses?
paul: yes.
me: but i don't have a secret laboratory under the house.
me: i do spend a lot of time in the basement, but that's because i'm doing the laundry.
paul: you have to turn the basement into a secret laboratory.
paul: when the baby comes, she will break everything.
paul: and then you have to rebuild all of it.
me: oh, okay.
am starting to think about cloth diapers again, thanks to this. i think i need to get some new diaper covers. the plain white proraps we bought from the diaper service were fine the first time around, but this is going to be a spring/summer baby. she's probably going to spend a lot of time in just a diaper and shirt.
went to babies 'r' us to check out carseats and baby clothes. it felt like we had never been there before because there were so many new and different products. it's kind of amazing how much things can change over just a few short years.
i think we may be (at least temporarily) down to two names for the baby: nola and teagan. even though we removed nola from our list a while ago, it keeps coming back. i shouldn't be surprised -- we've loved it for a long time.
finally picked a coming home outfit for the baby. after a great deal of hunting and deliberation -- combined with the serendipitous discovery of a good sale AND an extra 20% off coupon -- i ordered tea collection's lotus tiny tea set in pearl. also picked up a pair of crib sheets -- two sheets for $11. a nice deal. can't wait for this very pink package to arrive.
paul has expressed an interest in naming the baby himself.
paul: a-b-z.
me: abz?
paul: a-b-c-z.
paul: a-b-c-d-z!
after he was told that "abz" could be short for abigail, he then proceeded to root for abigail to be his new sister's name. we were actually okay with this -- the name had come up before and had failed to excite too much negative feedback -- until i checked the latest social security lists and discovered it was just too freaking popular for our taste. i hated being "grace r." growing up (to distinguish me from grace k.), so i don't really wish to have her go through school as "abigail r." or "abigail r.-c."
paul was really on the abz/abigail kick for a while, but the other night my mother announced paul had come up with a new name. a little warily, i asked what it was.
paul: andalee.
me: andalee?
me: how did you come up with that?
paul: i just said it and i liked how it sounded.
people have given children names for worse reasons, i suppose. cam thinks it's cute. it is cute, but i'm not sold. (plus i googled it and first hit was a belly dancer. hmm.)
the bella band is astonishingly useful. i wish i had bought one sooner.
we appear to have a middle name: megumi. it's another shenmue name, so now paul won't feel so alone when he's a teenager and raging against his parents for naming him after a guy in tight jeans with an ugly brown leather jacket and a permanent bandage on his face.
(for those who must know, megumi was the little girl trying to take care of an orphaned kitten near a shrine.)
been thinking a lot about space issues in the past few days because paul and the new baby are going to have to share a room at some point. i'm leaning towards this plan:
*get the flexa low loft for paul so that he can slowly get used to being up higher than usual (or maybe i should just spring for the bunk bed now?)
*get the additional pieces from flexa to convert the low loft to the low bunk bed when paul is old enough for the top bunk and the new baby is old enough for the bottom bunk
*when both kids are old enough for top bunks, get additional pieces to convert the bunk to two high loft beds so we can put their desks underneath
*"elfa-ize" (probably a cheaper alternative) the closet to accomodate both kids' clothes
when the kids are old enough to want their own rooms, we can either give up our room, build up, or move. we'll see.
cam: it's so funny that you're thinking ten years from now.
me: that's because we didn't think ten years from now when we bought this house.
my mom recommended that we move -- "it's a great time to buy a house!" -- but i nixed that idea immediately. dammit, we can make this work.
have been searching for THE coming home outfit for the baby. (obviously for the baby -- who cares what i wear? cam thinks i should wear my colts jersey, the way i did when we brought paul home. um, no.) so far i am leaning towards newborn/preemie stuff by zutano, kumquat and tea collection. this little girl will spend most of her early months/years dressed as a boy, so i want to make sure she has at least one girly outfit to begin her life with.
the whole preemie sizing thing is funny. when paul was born, we brought two outfits with us -- a classic pooh sleeper in 0-3 months from target and a funny little octopus preemie sleeper from walmart. (the one time we had ever been to walmart, we bought a baby outfit. we saw that tiny little octopus suit -- heretofore referred to as "the ricky williams babysuit"-- and just fell in love with it. subsequent visits didn't yield such a fruitful bounty, so we haven't been there since.) we had taken to heart stuff we had read that "newborn" stuff never fit, so buy big from the start. of course, the preemie outfit was the only one that fit, despite the fact that paul was nine pounds at birth. i joke now that his body was four pounds and his head was five.
because of this, i was determined to find a preemie or newborn outfit at least for the hospital. if i buy nothing else for the baby, i'll at least have that.
bought our first new outfit for the baby -- a holiday shirt, pants and hat set from babystyle on clearance. unisex. isn't it kind of funny-sad that our first baby girl outfit is gender-neutral?
the kicking and punching is cute now, little baby girl, but it will eventually grow tiresome.
we've been puzzling over names for weeks now. the girl thing has kind of thrown us for a loop. girl names are just not coming to us. amusingly enough, we've had a boy name (first name only) ready for a long, long time. cooper -- after the one we dubbed "the unloved oldest manning brother." we were just joking around one day. "no, not peyton. no, not eli... i know... cooper!" and that was it. we were all set to have paul and coop running around our house.
but now here we are, thinking about girl names. it's been difficult.
for a while, we were set on either gemma (my choice) or fiona (cam's choice). but then one day in the shower it occurred to me that gemma was a little too close to [aunt] jemima, and i sadly gave it up. as much as i liked fiona (after gabrielle anwar's character in "burn notice"), i kept thinking of it in terms of shrek and cameron diaz, and how could cam have a child named after a princess (ugh) voiced by a cam?
once upon a time, i loved sofia, but then paul found himself with a little blond classmate named sophia.
i liked annabel, annaliese, zora, jane. cam liked zoe, kenna, corinne, anne. we agreed teagan was a cool name, but with its popularity on the upswing, i was a bit concerned.
our 2003 boy/girl shortlists were from a different place in our lives. boys -- liam peyton and declan finn (and paul ryo, obviously). girls -- nola thessaly, ella nozomi and quinlan paige. (funny note about "thessaly" -- originally we agreed (somewhat drunkenly, as we had come up with names a few weeks prior to trying to conceive) on nola eblis, eblis being a name we had taken from sandman. then we went home and discovered eblis was another name for the devil. well then. hardly an appropriate name for a little girl. we replaced eblis with thessaly, another sandman name. sure, thessaly was a witch, but at least she wasn't satan.) since we have a ryo, we can hardly have a nozomi. that would be like naming your kids romeo and juliet. (well, not quite, but you get my drift.) quinlan? no. nola was our big discovery/revelation name back then and we adored it (nola, the girl who can't sing), but i sighed and packed it away when joel and his wife named their son nolan.
so what do we do? any suggestions?
this pregnant woman's best friend is the bra extender. who knew that such a cheap little item could keep me in such (relative) comfort?
asked paul the other morning what his sister's name should be.
paul: trebuchet.
me: i don't think that's a very girly name.
paul: trebucah.
me: not sure about that one, either.
paul: u-g-l-a-a-l-a-l-a-l-a- [etc. etc. etc.]
me: how do you say that?
paul: [gleefully] uglaalalalaa [various guttural sounds]
me: um, no.
i think i liked it better when he said that the new baby should be named paul because "she would be my friend."
just because i'm bigger than you think i should be doesn't mean i'm having twins. how dare you.
at my appointment this afternoon, we told the doctor about our disappointing ultrasound visit, and he very obligingly did another ultrasound to see if he could 1) get us some pictures, and 2) confirm the sex of the baby.
he did both.
oh my god, it IS a girl.
it's hard to get excited about having a girl because we're not sure it's a girl. i'm happy the baby looks healthy and is developing normally, but the whole sugar-and-spice experience is kind of lost on us at the moment. i tried telling myself that it's a girl and i must think it's a girl (but keep a few choice boy names in the back of my head just in case), but that's a lot harder than it sounds.
i took the day off work because i had my big ultrasound scheduled for today.
took advantage of the free morning by attending preschool with paul and cam. preschool was an interesting experience. paul was up-and-down, but i think it was a pretty good day. he did, however, not listen to cam when it was time to return inside after playground time, and that was a little stressful. when the teacher snapped at me for asking paul if he needed help on a ladder, that was also stressful. meh. what did she think i was going to do, grab him off the ladder and spoonfeed him pureed peas? he was stuck. i just asked if he needed help. the "working" parents that day made me feel in the way, so i tried to stick to the wall and be unobtrusive as possible. the children themselves -- when they noticed me -- were a bit more welcoming.
during a playtime, a girl yelled at paul he was playing hopscotch incorrectly. he raised his arm as if to strike her, then hid behind me with his usual, "i don't want ANYTHING."
me: [yelling girl] is brutal.
cam: paul is a ninny.
as soon as class was over, i headed to the car to drink a quart of water before the appointment.
when paul finally finished his goodbyes, we all went to kaiser for my ultrasound appointment. the lab tech called me in quickly (half an hour prior to my actual appointment!) and told cam and paul that he'd call them in to see pictures after the exam. the exam part took about 15 minutes, mostly spent in silence. then the tech left to bring in cam and paul. after several minutes, he returned alone, saying he was unable to find them. i was really disappointed, but what could i do? he rushed through some shots, then asked me if i wanted to know the sex. i said yes, and he indicated that he was "leaning towards a girl." then it was all over. i asked if i'd get pictures, and he breezily said his printer was broken. there i was, disappointed about cam and paul missing out, disappointed about his lack of certainly re gender and disappointed by the lack of pictures. well. it wasn't that the tech wasn't nice, because he was, but he was awfully cavalier about the whole thing.
as i opened the door to the waiting room, cam and paul walked up. they took one look at me and realized that the appointment was over. cam looked pissed and paul started wailing. they were so clearly upset about missing the ultrasound that i started to cry. i didn't even get to the bathroom, even though i was on the verge of desperation (the bladder of a pregnant woman is no laughing matter). i was too busy apologizing to paul.
but, as usual, out of the wreckage came a few moments of hilarity.
paul: [tearful] but how do they know it's a girl?
cam: they're looking for something.
paul: what?
cam: uh, okay, they're looking for a thing -- like yours.
cam: if they don't find one, then it's a girl.
cam: because little girls don't have one.
paul: but big girls do?
cam: um, no, they don't.
paul: [practically sobbing] but how do they pee?
me: can we please not have this conversation NOW?
we dropped paul off with his grandfather (and i had my much needed bathroom break), then we went home to take a nap. cam explained he wasn't mad at me, but i wasn't really convinced. if i hadn't been lying on a table with gel all over my stomach, i would have told the tech i'd find them myself (they were in the bathroom, by the way).
it was a pretty exhausting day. as nice as it was to take a day off work, enough bummerish things happened to make it less than fully pleasant. i guess i just had idealized visions of how the day was supposed to be.
assistant: are you wearing sweats today?
me: no... it's a sweater.
assistant: [striking pose] sporty grace!
me: no, more like pregnant desperate grace.
me: if it stretches, it fits...
i am on my first day of wearing maternity clothes to work -- today i am wearing a maternity polo-type thing with a regular skirt and boots. the skirt keeps sliding up over my stomach, an unfortunate side effect of skirts with elasticized waists (like water and most people, they seek the path of least resistance). i feel a little ridiculous because the shirt is still pretty baggy, but hey, at least i'm comfortable.